(You know who you are...)
It's now 11 months since the House of Steinbrenner came to view the Yankee ban on facial hair - a rule dating back to the glorious Afro of Oscar Gamble and the Emmet Kelly chin of Thurman Munson - like an unsolicited backrub from Andrew Cuomo. It happened shortly after the Yankees acquired Devin Williams, the team's new closer, whose shaggy jowls were widely viewed as the reason for the change.
I donno if you changed your policies simply to appease one player - I cannot see into your Neville Chamberlain mind - but, damn, it sure looked that way.
Over the 2025 season, only a few Yankees - most notably Carlos Rodon and Jasson Dominguez, along with Williams - grew modest, sickly beards. I think this is because the Yankee Captain, Aaron Judge, remained clean shaven.
Well, it's time to declare 2025 as a failed experiment in Yankee lore.
Ditch the soup-strainers and the birds' nests, drop the floppy follicles and misery mullets, and let's make the Yankees, once again, different from all the rest.
This is weird for me. I never thought I'd be saying this, having for many years viewed the beard ban as:
a) stupid
b) a waste of time
c) an arguable attack on self-expression
d) a reason some players might refuse to join the Yankees.
In the aftermath of Williams, I no longer hate the ban.
In fact, if it makes the Yankees slightly different, so be it.
Better to be different than irrelevant.
If a player doesn't want to play for the fucking New York Yankees because of his precious chin weave, he's not the guy we want.
Restore the beard ban, Mr. Hal! You once claimed to keep it out of the memory of your dad, who sought a warrior ethos for the Yankees. You shouldn't have changed.
I say, let's go back. If it means Kyle Tucker won't sign with the Yankees - he doesn't want to shave? - well, he's not the guy we want.
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14 comments:
I'm an old coot rooted in anachronistic baseball theology.
Hal should never have allowed beards. Ever. We may suck and we may fold in the clutch and we may never see another championship in our lifetimes, but we'll be clean-shaven and sharp. As Fernando once said, it is better to look good than to feel good.
If baseball is nothing but a business to you, Hal, tell your employees to be business-like and shave. The beards almost always look like hell.
Shit -
Poopers -
Turd -
Stinky Squish Logs -
Does this mean that I too
must shave ?
I’m never shaving my beard #houseofdavid
tie them down and make them use Nair on their faces. shave the testicles, as well. then, give them bunting and fielding drills until their shaved balls turn blue.
See, I would have thought that it might have been a better way to go to smear rancid, maggot infested canned cat food into their beards and then have starved street rats eat the mush straight down to the follicles. Then it would be ok to shave their testicles, untie them and have them do those drills you mentioned . . .
That’s a reasonable stance, AA. You are an open-minded guy and I agree with all of that. Don’t forget the testicle massage with battery cables and truck batteries.
I just want assurances that Devin Williams will not be back, bearded or clean-shaven.
Can we start first by dropping Johnny Lasagna – because we gunna have to.
Why do you guys still think you can play 4D chess in the same league as "Lyin' Cryin' Boris Spassky Brian?
Actually, let's compromise: Williams' beard can stay, if he goes.
How about the beards stay and Cashman goes?
Ditching Cashman will do more to encourage FA's to play for the Yankees than ditching the beard ban. Good ballplayers want to play on good teams, not bad episodes of the Office.
The team will never win a WS championship as long as Cashman's around.
Ok - I’m on it!
We all knew that Cashman was a beard for Hal...
By the way, or "BTW," as they used to say on the old internet, when's the next game thread?
What is to be done? Hirsute pitchers of the five boroughs unite! You have nothing to lose but your razor burn! From each according to his grooming products, to each according to his jawline.
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