Over the weekend, when asked about potentially playing for the Dodgers, free agent Japanese pitcher Tatusya Imai said:
“I want to take them down...I think beating a team like that and becoming World Champions would be the most valuable thing in my life.”
Sign him.
Sign him now.
Ten years? Fifteen? Don't care. Take a redeye flight to Japan. Bring two large NY pizzas, a bouquet of roses, and a duffle of Yankee swag. Find his house. Have Cashman pull you in a rickshaw. Knock on the door. Hand him a slice. Give his wife the flowers. Put ball caps on his children. Unfurl a contract with a lotta zeros. Sign him.
Don't put it off. Don't wear your kinky boots. (Above right.) Don't wait until the Winter Meetings. Be there tonight. And if the man wants a fucking luxury box, give the man a fucking luxury box.
For the last three years, the best Asian free agent on the market has run to the Dodgers. It's a talent pipeline that threatens the game. This could be the guy to halt it. This could be the guy who wins Game Two. But if he signs with Boston, if he signs with the Mets, if he signs with Toronto, the Yankees could fall into a dark pit of despair, from which we might not emerge in our lifetimes.
Yesterday, in a Zoom call with selected Gammonites, you were asked how much money the Yankees make. You wouldn't say. You get to decline such questions, because you're a privileged owner. You never have to read your salary in the newspaper, as every MLB player does. You never get booed after hitting a pop-up. You never have to see your paltry batting average on the Jumbotron. And the system is rigged so you never will.
Well, here's something to do with all that money you claim the Yankees do not make.
Sign. This. Guy.
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3 comments:
No coffee yet - just a “gotz ta take the old dog out for a piddle” moment way earlier than expected and I ain’t talking about yours truly.
That said, please sing along w/me:
Wouldn’t it be nice if
Hal spent more of
His giant piles of Cash
And wouldn’t it be nice if
Hal would kick some
Of Cashman’s arrogant,
Entitled ass
Stay turned for the first edition of the IIH IIF IIG HOLIDAY GUIDE !
I meant to type:
Stay turned for the first edition of the IIH IIF IIG HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE !
Damn if there isn’t the most fog I’ve ever seen outside right now. I feel like I woke up in a John Carpenter moovie.
AND YES - sign that long haired Japanese pitcher, GOSH DARN IT !
Stop being a penny pinching cheap idiotic bastard !
If you don’t we just might send a turkey vulture your way on Thanksgiving morning to peck on your head !
We are going to be the BEST runner up in bidding of all time on this guy. Nobody will be a better runner up. We will have tried SO HARD that Hal will be able to say, "Nobody tried harder and lost than us." That is what will happen. In the meantime, the beat goes on. The beat goes on. la dee dee da, la dee da dee da...Cash keeps pumping Randy in the rain.....
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