Frankie Cervelli phones home

I've always liked Francisco Cervelli. Soft spot in my heart, (along with the one in my head.)

Twice, Cervelli has gone to a hospital in an ambulance, while wearing his Yankee uniform. Both times happened while blocking home plate. Once, it came in a meaningless spring game, yet Cervelli didn't grow bitter. The second time, he knocked him unconscious, and he struggled with headaches and dizziness, and had to finally wear a huge helmet that made him look like a cartoon character. But he didn't grow bitter.

Two years ago, as Cervelli was packing his locker to head to New York for the start of the season, the Yankees traded for Chris Stewart, and sentenced him to Scranton, which at the time didn't even have a home ballpark. He spent that whole riding on buses along the New York State Thruway. Yet Cervelli didn't grow bitter.

Last spring, Cervelli finally won the starting catcher role with the Yankees. He had worked hard and elevated his game. For the first month, he played like an all-star. He was proving to be one of our most dependable clutch hitters. Then came broken hand, and then came his long, drawn-out guilt by association with A-Rod. Bud Selig chased the Biogenesis scandal because Alex Rodriguez' name turned up a notepad. Cervelli's name was in there, too. I'm not saying it was OK to be that notepad, but if Cervelli played with any other team but the Yankees, he'd have skated. Now, when venturing into Fenway, he'll hear calls of "Juicer," as if the Redsocks are clean.  (What a joke.)

Cervelli's future with the Yankees is a roll of the dice. Either he or Austin Romine will almost surely be traded. The Yankees won't keep three catchers, and with their two top prospects playing the position in Triple and Double A, there's no place to park Cervelli, if he is not the Yankees' backup. Anything can happen in the next month. But flip a coin. Either Cervelli or Romine will be gone.

Yesterday, Cervelli coaxed a few Yankee teammates to join him in an Instagram picture, showing a message of support for the growing resistance in his homeland of Venezuela. It's rare to see a Yankee take a political stance in a hopeful direction. But I'm not surprised about Cervelli. And wherever he goes, I suspect he'll pick himself up and soldier on. He simply is not one to grow bitter.

Looking for meaning in another meaningless loss

For posterity: Jeter's first spring AB, and Suzyn's first POV

Another year, another set of Yankee injuries? What is causing the deluge?

Who can forget that golden moment last spring when, on his first at bat of the Grapefruit Season, Curtis Granderson took one for the team, breaking a meat hook. It was the juju gods telling the Yankiverse, "Eat this, chumps!" From then on, 2013 became a cavalcade of tweaks and groans, as the team jumped from Sick Bay to Over Bay.

We're still debating what happened. Some theories.

1. Bad luck. Maybe there was a glitch in the Matrix, and Keanu Reeves suddenly realized he can hover in the air and kick people, and the universal random sequencing that intertwines the futures of Jesus Montero and Michael Pineda simply popped a gonad. If it was just bum luck, we should do better this year, right? Well, no. If you flip a 50 heads in a row, the odds are still 50-50 on the next coin toss. But hey, you never know.

2. Bad strength training. The Yankee brass this winter fired the strength coach. All the organizational suits and sycophants remained. But that dirty rotten strength coach - I believe his name is Dr. Jesus H. Whippinpost-Martyr - got to see the under-side of the Yankee victory bus. Problem solved! No more injuries! Whooo-hooo.

3. Dark magic. Were the Yankees victims of some evil spell, perhaps placed by some Redsock conjurer or malevolent temptress? I'm betting one of Jeter's supermodel conquests was pissed about the gift-basket - he really should upgrade to Hillshire Farms - and went straight to cloud lady Lilith with a voodoo sock taken from his dresser. Maybe Cashman's stalker has connections in an alternative infundibulum. The Yankiverse must supply counteractive juju.

4. Annual rings. In the off-season, the Yankees managed to do something nobody thought possible. They got older. Amazing. Last year, they fielded one of the most ancient lineups in history. This year, we have a team straight from a 1950's Polident commercial. We added a Beltran, an Ellsbury and a McCann, plus a Brian Roberts and God knows who will play 3B (but he was born before 1990.) If the injuries came about because of age, well, folks, we are screwed. We can expect more of them this year. Imagine that. 


5. Magnets/ghosts/plant pheromones. Is Tampa located in some secret Bermuda Triangle of disease and pestilence, the result of some yet-undiscovered force that weakens bones and grit? Don't laugh. Jose Ramirez, one of our many middling prospects - we are the Walmarts of middling prospects - pulled up lame yesterday, before Day One. Is Steinbrenner Field sitting on some ancient graveyard? All I'm saying is this: If next week, some giant sinkhole forms and takes out Brett Gardner, like that guy two years ago who was sucked down in his bedroom, we need to move to Sarasota.

Any other ideas?

Farewell, Carl Pavano, and let's remember the It Is High Yankeeography: "The Bronx Buttocks"

Opening Day, Opening Loss

Seven teams have worse minor league systems than the Yankees, according to Baseball Prospectus

They include the Rays, Tigers, Athletics and Angels.

Unfortunately, the Redsocks organization is ranked fourth in MLB.

The website states the obvious: "[A]ll it takes is a return to form from some of the more heralded names on the farm and the Yankees will shoot back up the org rankings." 

But each organization is assigned one "Must-See" affiliate, the level where its most interesting prospects are stashed. The Rays and Redsocks will have their studs playing at Triple A this season. The Orioles will showcase theirs at Double A, and the Blue Jays at Low A.

The Yankees "Must-See" affiliate? The short-season Staten Island team.

Dear God, we're supposed to be watching a lineup of 20-year-olds, most of whom will never even make it to Triple A. Talk about disillusionment. I don't know about you, but considering the failures of our top prospects last year, it's going to be hard to get excited about a new bunch of first-year players. Seriously. In the NYP League, isn't everybody still a prospect?

Pay no attention to that snowman behind the curtain. Winter is over. We're still here.

Holy crap. We made it. We're still here.

For a while, I didn't think we would be. There was that nightmare post-season - who won, anyway? - and then the A-Rod thing, and then Robbie, and then Tanaka, and we still only have half an infield... but - hey, we're here. We're still here.

Today, shortly after 1 p.m., the snow starts melting, the gloves go away, and the Christmas lights come down - mentally, anyway. Today, The Master and his Queen will suck on Luden's Cough Drops, readying their harmonic cords for tomorrow's first radio broadcast.  They made it. They're still here.

Tonight, there will be a box score. A BOX SCORE! Tomorrow, there will be a hero and a goat, a pitcher who looked solid and one who couldn't find the plate. There will be a young hitter - Zolio Almonte is usually Mr. February - who raises eyebrows, and a veteran who looks posed for a comeback. He made it. He's still here.

I live in Syracuse, New York, a place where snowflakes come to die, and the car only finally gets warm when you've arrived at your destination, on the shore of a lake whose water looks made from frozen concentrate. We still have five weeks of snow, of road salt and fender benders, of green beer and cabin fever, leading up to that annual true end of winter - the moment SU basketball is bounced from the NCAA tournament. Yes, we have at least 40 days left, bouncing from snowmageddons to snowgasms.

But we made it, everybody. Congratulations! We're still here!  We're still here!

Gil, Anna, Flores, Murphy... Yanks beat No. 1 college football team in nation

Who would win? Today's Yankee lineup vs. last summer

Today

Brett Gardner CF
Francisco Cervelli C
Kelly Johnson 3B
Russ Canzler 1B
Zoilo Almonte LF
Brendan Ryan SS
Adonis Garcia RF
Yangervis Solarte 2B
John Ryan Murphy DH

Then

Tanaka strikes out Ruth, Gehrig, Cobb and Foxx

Exciting news!

Yankeetorial: Gammonites are calling the extension of Brett Gardner a sea change in Yankee philosophy; should we break out the party hats?

Throughout the boot camps and madrassas of the Yankiverse today, fans are bowing in the direction of Tampa, saying "Praise Hal-lah!" and giving thanks for Brett Gardner's 4-year contract extension. The hope? That this hath endeth the Yankees' disastrous policy of letting their stars hit free agency. It's the reason Robbie Cano is in Seattle.

No Gammonite will say this, but the Gardner extension serves as a de facto admission that the brain trust, two or three years ago, should have extended Robbie's pact and made him a lifetime Yankee. Good grief, they should have learned from the near disaster several years back when Jeter hit the market. Back then, the Yankees did what they always do - start poor-mouthing and sniping - and it nearly got out of hand. If Jeter wasn't such an iconic god of Yankeehood, (Praise Hal-ah!), who knows what might have happened? Because once the brass started whispering about Robbie, everything began to barrel downhill.

So today, we are celebrating the "new" Yankee policy. OK. I'm in. Hal-ah hakbar! Always looking for a reason to party. So, hey, everybody, can I ask a question?

What now?

Don't all answer at once. Hello? Anybody?


Well, what comes next, apparently, is the Yankees' heavily whispered "splurge" in international spending, planned for this summer. It was reported in December on a scouting website, and ever since, the brass have wink-winked it: The Yankees plan to spend tens of millions on 16 year old Latinos, even at the cost of tens of millions more in luxury taxes. This will happen in lieu of June draft picks, because the Yankees forfeited all their top choices to sign free agents.

Well, OK. I guess I'm in. Praise Hal-ah. It's not my money. But here's another question about this "new" Yankee front office: Are we ahead or behind the curve?

In the last 10 years, let's face it: The Yankees have been lapped by several teams, most notably the Rangers, Dodgers, Giants, Tigers, A's, Redsocks, Rays and Cardinals - the best run organizations in baseball. The Yankees - for all their money - don't belong in that group. Brian Cashman - Praise him! - is a relentless presence on the waiver wire, baseball's version of American Pickers. But what has kept the Yankees down is hubris, the in-house belief that they are smarter than everybody else.

It is hubris that still haunts the Yankee brass. It is hubris that convinced them they could draft and sign the young pitcher, Gerrit Cole, even though he flat-out told them he was going to UCLA. It was hubris that made them think they could draft a bunch of pitchers who were headed for Tommy John surgery, or that Andrew Brackman would become the next Big Unit. It was hubris that made them think Robbie would always be a Yankee.

Last year, the Yankees got kicked in the mouth - hard. They were a mediocre team and - with A-Rod - a laughingstock. Good grief, when Boston fan friends see me, they can't wait to talk about the Redsocks. The beaming smiles on their faces - Gaahhh, it's hell. Now Jeter - the last bastion of Yankee pride - is turning the page.

Listen: The Yankee front office has to do likewise. It needs to stop thinking of knockout punches and start thinking of jabs. Maybe Brett Gardner is a sign. We'll see.

But if the brass still thinks the Yankees will automatically succeed because they're the Yankees, praise Hal-ah, we need a house-cleaning.

"On March 7, Babe Ruth came to bat at the Fairgrounds on Gillespie Street, stared down a fastball and knocked it into a cornfield. By the time the right-fielder found it, Ruth had walked around all four bases – his first professional home run."

It began in Fayetteville, N.C.

Today's "MUST READ" in the Yankiverse. 

The Gardner extension and the Bailey signing apparently were moves to obscure the Yankee ownership's unwillingness to bid on Cuban talent

Well, it happened, just as we feared.

Saturday, the Yankees signed shoulder-weary RHP Andrew Bailey for $2.5 million, and Sunday they re-upped with the grinder, Brett Gardner, for four years - miniature bursts of spending by a franchise brain trust that spent the last month rattling a cup and begging for nickels.

Today, we get a better sense of the timing: The Retrieval Empire is going to pass on bidding for 23-year-old Cuban SS Aledmys Diaz, according to King George of the NY Post. Apparently, Diaz didn't impress in his tryout, and his agent wants too much money.

OK, I know what you're thinking: WTF do I know? And you're right. I wasn't there. Maybe it's true. Maybe the guy throws like Betty White. Maybe he can't bend down. Maybe he has ringworm. Who knows? What we do know is that it's a familiar excuse: The same one we trotted out when passing on Iglesias, Chapman, Cespedes, and other Cubans who became expensive. When it comes to high-end Cuban talent, the Yankees aren't interested. They'll sign Juan Miranda, Adonis Garcia and Ronnier Mustellier - you know, window dressing for Scranton - but run for the door, when the bids go higher.

Well, we'll see...
But if Diaz turns into a major league shortstop - or, God forbid, a star - then dog-ear this date on your Yankee Meltdown Anniversary Calendar. Because the Yankees will have wasted a rare, golden opportunity to solve their most glaring problem - who plays SS and 2B for the next 10 years - because they preferred to poor-mouth. Today, the infield pipeline is bare. If Diaz becomes a player, and the Yankees did nothing - well - I guess all we can do is make a note of it and remember, OK?

But have you seen those images from the Ukraine?

With an injury here or there, this summer, they could be snapshots of the Yankee fan psyche.

"I let it be known to them that I wanted to stay here and be a part of this. I learned from guys that come from other places, there's no better place to play. I look forward to staying here and helping the team win." Brett Gardner, next Yankee captain?

The Yankees today extended Brett Gardner for four years. 

Assengers, Avemble!

After saying there is absolutely no more money for signings, the Yankees sign Andrew Bailey

Don't get me wrong: I'm not complaining. Whenever Hal 9000 spends his hard-earned money*, I'm OK with it. The Yankees yesterday picked up former stopper Andrew Bailey, who is recovering from a torn-up shoulder. He might be ready by August. They spent $2.5 million on him.

This comes as the brain trust had been claiming for weeks that there was no more money in the till,  the cupboard was bare. Obviously, this was not true. In fact, the Yankees have no problem lying to their fan base. They do it commonly with injuries to players. (To be fair, most teams do; lying comes natural to all secretive, paranoid, super-rich organizations.)

The fact is, whenever the Yankees poor-mouth, they are lying. It's amazing - and sad - how the Gammonites seem to fall for it every time.

Our track record on resurrecting injured pitchers is less than spectacular. Last year, the Yankees tried with Dave Aardsma and Chin-Ming Wang. Years ago, they whiffed on Octavio Dotel, but got one decent season out of Jon Lieber. Scranton always has at least one former stud, trying to come back from surgery. It's part of baseball, I guess.

But now that we know the front office was bluffing about being penniless, the matter of Aledmys Dias becomes front and center. He's the 23-year-old Cuban SS looking for an MLB contract, expected to sign today or tomorrow. Supposedly, the Yankees are interested in him. Considering the state of their infield, he makes far more sense than a bullpen guy who won't be back until after the All-Star break.

So... was this a pre-emptive public relations strike, because they're not going after Dias? I hope not.

Listen: If you can't sell a kid from Cuba the notion that he could become the heir apparent to Jeter, that he could be the shortstop for the New York Yankees... well... either you are not trying hard - or you simply are not offering competitive money. There can be no honest excuse for either.

Of course, we know how the Yankees value honesty.

*That's a joke.

News Flash: Somebody built a statue of Cory Lidle

Yes, that Cory Lidle, the guy who crashed his plane into that building in NYC.

Somebody built a statue of him.

For whatever it's worth, I'd like my statue made of silver. And if you can't build a statue, a pyramid will do.

News from Yankee Country: Romance in the barn

"HERKIMER, N.Y. -- Two men were charged with sex crimes against several cows after a farmer installed video surveillance in his barn to find out why his cows weren't producing milk, state police said."

OK, everybody, what sports teams do these two fellows root for?

Dallas Cowboys
Chicago Bulls
Denver Broncos
St. Louis Rams
Portland Tail Blazers

Some guys need to realize that "Moo" means "Moo."

The question on everybody's minds

Considering the success of The Lego Movie (anti-capitalist propaganda, to some), what happened last year to the Leggo Yankees?