Where's James Bond when you need him?
Tuesday, February 11, 2025
With camps set to open, the Yankees are still combing the scrapyard for spare parts
In a righteous world, these three signings would scroll across the bottom of your screen in a 9-point Dingbats font. In the spirit of modern gaslighting, let's ignore the signs of desperation and hope this shows the brain trust well aware of this team's shortcomings.
The signings, and the problems:
1. Backup catcher. They signed 27-year-old Ronaldo Hernandez - a former future Rays lug nut, who cracked the 2019 Baseball America Top 100. He was dealt to Boston, where he disappeared like Michael Dukakis. Last year, having somehow joined the Diamondbacks, over 63 games at Triple A, he hit .311 with 11 HRs.
Worth a shot, I suppose, because a) he hits RH and b) he's 6-foot, 248 pounds. Not a typo. The guy must be a tree trunk. (For comparison, departed fan-fave Jose Trevino is 5' 10" and 215.)
For now, the Yankees have no clear backup catcher. More concerning: Austin Wells didn't hit squat over the final two months of 2024. The YESsirs assure us that Wells will rebound to his midsummer performance, and all will be fine. Well, maybe. But if Wells' slump persists, if Hernandez is our man, we're in trouble.
2. Lefty bullpen help. They signed 34-year-old Tyler Matzek, a warrior for Atlanta in 2021, who underwent TJ surgery in 2023 and hasn't been the same. Because he throws LH, Matzek will get a long look, but his days of dominance may have ended. Like most golden oldies, he probably needs a new out pitch.
Last year, Matzek bounced between SF and Atlanta, got lit up in both opportunities. Still, he's an interesting case. Early on, Matzek suffered from the "yips," that mental issue where a guy simply cannot make one certain throw. (Read THE ART OF FIELDING, a great baseball novel by Chad Harbach.) Usually, it's a career-killer. He survived, with help from an ex-Navy Seal. Like I said, intriguing. Lefties can pitch forever. You never know.
3. Lefty bullpen help (continued). They signed 25-year-old Jayvien Sandridge, who has bounced around for five years in the systems of the Orioles, Reds and Padres. He has surfed mostly on the crest of a 98-mph fastball, which - sadly - he cannot control. In his career, he walks one in every five batters.
So, maybe they can teach him to throw strikes? But I wouldn't let him pitch to any big hitters. It's always fun and games - being gaslit, that is - until someone gets hurt. So, today, a 3B?
Monday, February 10, 2025
Last night's Super Bowl revealed one truth about America: Finishing second is not an option
a) At long last, Taylor Swift picked the wrong horse.
b) Jake from State Farm wouldn't save Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes.
c) Tom Brady is a blathering, nattering idiot.
d) For MAGA America, the half-time show was incomprehensible.
e) The Mannings have finally achieved full market saturation.
f) Lady Gaga could become the Ethel Merman of her generation.
g) Somehow, they made Springsteen's "Born to Run" into a commercial.
h) Philly pole-climbers were heading to Broad Street.
The moral of this year's Super Bowl: Don't finish second.
Three months ago, the Yankees learned this ugly truth. Their Game 5 Inning 5 meltdown remains a stain on the franchise, so traumatic, so embarrassing, that it threatens the legacy of the two greatest Yankees of this generation, Aaron Judge and Gerrit Cole. The Yankees finished second. You'd think we would be proud. Instead, they've been a punch line.
Two months ago, it happened again. The Yankees finished runner-up in the bidding war over Juan Soto, a betrayal of their historical identity that will haunt them for a generation. They enter 2025 as NYC's second team. In the short term, maybe Cody Bellinger and Paul Goldschmidt can save face. But over the years, as Soto hits his way into the Hall of Fame, he'll always be the star who got away. And the Yankees will always be the team that couldn't afford him.
And, of course, the Democrats finished second in the battle for America's soul. They now stand, neutered, comically chanting slogans with Chuck Schumer, which is like watching Englebert Humperdinck cover the songs of Tom Jones. For Blue State boomers, it's been a long hard slog, from Meat Loaf to Jelly Roll, but the lesson's been learned.
Don't finish second. Not in baseball. Not in football. Not in America.
Within days - hours, actually - pitchers and catchers report. The world will begin anew. And here's the thing:
The more you look at the 2025 Yankees, the more they look like a team built to finish second. Or, in an unspoken lyric from last night, we're Drake.
Sunday, February 9, 2025
Whichever city wins tonight, neither KC nor Philly will lead America in sports and cultural significance. That title remains in one city
On this Super Sunday, which tonight showcases two plucky contenders - KC and Philly - here is the current, empirical, IT IS HIGH Metropolitan Power Index. Each city's world championship is listed below.
NFL: Kansas City (10 IIHMPI power points)
MLB: Los Angeles (10)
NBA: Boston (8)
NCAA Football: Canton (7)
NCAA Men's BB: Hartford, CT (7)
NCAA Women's Basketball: Columbia, SC (7)
NHL: Florida (6)
WNBA: New York (5)
ML Soccer: Los Angeles (4)
Westminster Kennel Club: Houston (2)
Oscar for Best Movie: Los Alamos, NM (Oppenheimer) (3)
Grammy for Best Album: Los Angeles (Kendrick Lamar) (3)
Emmy for Best TV Show: Chicago (The Bear) (3)
MAGA: Florida (10)
MAGA Money: Texas (Elon Musk) (11)
Disaster Courtesy Points: Los Angeles (Wildfires); North Carolina (Floods); Florida (General turmoil) (4)
Taylor Swift Courtesy Points: Kansas City (3); Philadelphia (2)
World Cultural Leadership: Syracuse (IT IS HIGH) (10)
So, the U.S. epicenter?
Los Angeles 22
Florida 20
KC 13
Texas 13
Syracuse 10
Everywhere else: Good luck, Podunks.
Saturday, February 8, 2025
Forget third base. The Yankees need a new algorithm
It's Super Saturday, the holiest night on the ancient Buffaloan calendar, when Santa Goodell's sleigh lands in some warm clime, launching the annual transfer of American power - from blocking-and-tackling to pitching-and-catching.
By Tuesday, the nation - guided by Jake from State Farm - will begin its migration from Patrick Mahomes to Freddie Freeman. Soon, it will be time for caravans, photo ops, cattle calls and - for Yankee fans - hope.
Yes, hope. This is the real Hope Week. Nobody's hurt. Everybody's fresh. We're happily hungry and gullible. Look at that rack of new jerseys! Can't you feel it? That's HOPE, my friends. Hope.
It's all downhill from here.
As you read this, somewhere - in his Bat Cave hideaway - Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman is running the final numbers on whether to DFA Hugh Jass so he can sign Brock O'Lee, the final moves on an offseason shedding of skin worthy of a Burmese python in a storm sewer near Sarasota.
Wherever he is - I'm thinking the salt caverns a mile below Seneca Lake - Cashman sits upon a mountain of computer power that would make Elon Musk's attack on USAID look like your gramma's dial-in hookup to CompuServe. This week, it resulted in the exchange of RH pitcher Allan Winans for RH pitcher Owen White, a swap of irrelevancies that could have made Goober Pyle say "Hey."
What could spawn such moves?
A super-secret, Forbin Project, end-of-times Yankee algorithm.
Somehow, the Yankees have built a system that quantifies every baseball player on the planet, whether he toils for the Tokyo Yakult Swallows or the Evansville Otters. The rest of us sit in numb, powerless ignorance, unable to fathom these ever-rolling numbers, the Yankee version of Pi.
However, based on the current Yankee lineup - for this week, anyway - we can hypothesize what goes into this algorithm. I picture a three-part formula:
1. Billions of baseball statistics from the Bill James playbook.
2. Empirical data from 10,000 years of human history.
3. Tom Sellick on why you need a reverse mortgage.
It's Super Sunday Eve, people. Soon, one team shall be by the rigged referees as the undisputed NFL champion, and all others will be the New York Giants.
By Tuesday, the world will be shifting to Tampa. Hope Week, everybody. It's almost here.
Friday, February 7, 2025
In an infinitesimal netherworld, the Yankees just replaced Allan Winans with Owen White
Yesterday, an asteroid blasted a massive upheaval into this fantastical conundrum of non-existence.
The Yankees waived Allan Winans and replaced him with Owen "The Omen" White.
Keep in mind that Yankee scientists had not yet confirmed the existence of Allan Winans, beyond signs of an algorithmic pull in the farthest reaches of the rotation. Depending on your source, Winans was either 9th or 10th on the depth chart, beyond the asteroid belt of Will Warren/Clayton Beeter.
A former substitute teacher at Bakersfield High School, his alma mater, Winans became a Yankee on Jan. 23. A 29-year-old RH pitcher, who started two games for Atlanta last year, with an ERA of 15.25 - (not a typo) - he held the Yankee roster spot for 14 days. Yesterday, it ended. He was jettisoned.
He is replaced - for now, anyway - by White, a 25-year-old former North Carolina high school legend, selected by Texas in the 2nd round of the 2018 draft. After signing, instead of rookie ball, White was sent to a Rangers internment re-education camp. He tore an elbow, underwent Tommy John surgery, and missed the 2019 season.
He then missed 2020, which was canceled by Covid.
In 2021, he celebrated his first professional game by falling and fracturing his hand. (Are we sensing something ?)
In 2021, White went to the Arizona Fall League and dominated. He won AFL Pitcher of the Year, (over 28 innings.) In 2022, he soared through the Texas farm system, until - of course - straining his forearm. That year, he was ranked No. 59 on the Baseball America Top 100 Prospects list. He pitched in a Futures Game. In 2023, he made the Rangers 40-man roster. He was on the way!
In spring training, he strained his neck and was shipped out. Since then, he's been twice promoted to the bigs, pitching in three Rangers games last year, with an ERA of - gulp - 24.00. (Not a typo.)
On December 20, the Rangers waived White, so they could sign 34-year-old Hoby Milner, who - it should be noted - on opening day of 2020, on his first-ever pitch as an Angel, gave up a grand slam.
On Jan. 6, the Rangers traded White to Cincinnati.
On Jan. 29, the Reds waived him.
Yesterday, he became a Yankee.
Scientists who study theoretical physics claim that subatomic particles never stop moving, and seem to be predestined on trajectories that exist beyond time.
I believe this is proven by the journey of Owen White.
Welcome, sir. You were always meant to be a Yankee. Maybe through next week?
Thursday, February 6, 2025
It's near the end, Yank fans. For the last time, close your eyes and imagine...
Jazz Chisholm 2B
Aaron Judge RF
Cody Bellinger CF
Giancarlo Stanton DH
Alex Bregman 3B
Paul Goldschmidt 1B
Austin Wells C
Anthony Volpe SS
Jasson Dominguez LF
Yes, Alex Bregman. And, no, it won't happen. Quite possibly, by today's end, the Breg Man will sign elsewhere, and the mere notion of such a Yankee lineup will disappear, forever.
Ah, but we knew it couldn't happen.
We'll feel no pain. No loss. We expected this all along. The fact is, Yank fans are conditioned. We accept Owner's talking points - that money is scarce, we must keep a tight budget because - well - that's what Owner decided. Owner knows best.
Yesterday, the Mets re-signed Pete Alonso on a two-year deal that flies in the face of fiscal prudence. That's because Steve Cohen desperately wants to win a world series. Make no mistake: Our Owner, Hal, would enjoy another championship - like in 2009! - just not so much that it would threaten the bottom line.
It's business. That's all. The Yankees are a for-profit corporation, not some cup-rattling charity. So, disregard the above lineup. It cannot happen. Instead, let's celebrate the fact that, by ignoring Bregman, we effectively dissed those cheating Astros. Take that, Houston! We'll go with Oswald Peraza at 3B, and we couldn't be more proud!
But but BUT... if you absolutely need to torture yourself, here's a lineup to imagine.
Jarren Duran LF
Rafael Devers 1B
Alex Bregman 3B
Triston Casas DH
Trevor Story SS
Masataka Yoshida RF
Ceddanne Rafaela 2B
Conor Wong C
Roman Anthony CF
Yep. Boston. That's what might happen today. Or maybe we'll be lucky. Maybe he'll go to the Dodgers. Either way, here's a prediction:
Wherever Bregman goes, that team will reach the postseason. And come April 1, we will trot out a lineup with a question mark at 3B, in a batting order that could have been dramatically improved, and we had the money... but Owner said no.
Wednesday, February 5, 2025
The PECOTA projections are out, and they claim the Yankees have won this crazy winter
 |
| Abe PECOTA as "Fish" |
Now, I don't seek to insult past periods of sheer global insanity. The Iranian hostage situation drove us mad. The weeks after 9-11 were like nothing before. Somehow, we pulled together and - I truly believe this - one eventual salve always turned out to be the period in mid-February, when pitchers and catchers left their golf carts and paramours, and made way to warmer locations to restart the Big Wheel. Baseball has a medicative effect. It reminds us that - whether you love or hate those evil, big-spending Yankees Dodgers- we have more in common than not. Or, we used to, anyway.
I won't claim that we'll soon find reassurance from watching Carlos Rodon do a squat-thrust, or from timing Giancarlo as he runs to first. But it will be entertaining to hear Gerrit Cole explain - once again, in hyperbolic detail - why he failed to cover first base.
Soon, we shall be soothed by the annual Gammonitic rites of spring: The oohs and ahs over that rock-ribbed vet who has arrived "in the greatest shape of his career!" and the rawboned, no-name hurler who is "the talk of camp!"
Days away, people. Pitchers and catchers. And maybe - maybe? - a hiding place?
Well, fuck me. I dunno. But I do know this: As we were sleeping - while the algorithm gods wrestled over TikTok - the 2025 PECOTA predictions burst from Zeus's backside, fully formed. And get this: The Yankees won the winter!
Print the playoff tickets. Reserve your space in the Canyon of Heroes. The PECOTA -the Player Empirical Comparison and Optimization Test Algorithm - shows the 2025 Yankees winning 89.7 games - the fourth-most, behind the Cubs, Braves and the Evil Empire - and winning the AL East by a half-inning over Baltimore.
So, there is it. Pete Alonso and Alex Bregman have yet to land, and your Cousin Verne might turn out to be our backup catcher, but the Yankees won the digital off-season. Hey, forget Watergate. Disregard the Covid shutdown. Was anything ever crazier than this?
Tuesday, February 4, 2025
An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ Gee Whizz . . . Pee In or . . . . Peon? ~ Edition
(AA's contract prediction)
Fifteen reasons to celebrate the Yankees' signing of Carlos Carrasco. (Note: None involve high expectations.)
If it turns out to matter in 2025, it probably means things went seriously sideways within the Yankee rotation.
Either way, it would cap an amazing career journey.
Fifteen reasons to appreciate Carlos Carrasco.
1. He grew up in Venezuela as a natural RH. To improve his chances, he learned to throw lefty.
2. Deep in the Philly system, at one point, he ate Domino's Pizza for 60 straight days because, "It was the only thing I knew how to order." (Later, Domino's gave him a month of free pizza for being their greatest customer.)
3. In 2011 he was suspended for six games for throwing at the next batter, after Melky Cabrera excessively admired a grand slam.
4. In 2013 he was suspended for eight games for throwing at the next batter, after Robinson Cano excessively admired a 2-run HR. (Extra credit: The batter was Kevin Youkilis.)
5. In 2015, he was carted off the field after being hit in the head by a drive off the bat of Cabrera.
6. In 2015, he took a no-hitter into the 9th before giving up a two-out, two-strike single to Joey Butler.
7. In 2016, a line drive fractured his hand.
8. In 2016, he used his good hand to sign papers to become a U.S. citizen.
9. In 2017, he pitched an immaculate inning, retiring the Tigers on nine straight strikes. He was the 84th pitcher in MLB history to do so.
10. In 2017, he went 18-6 with an ERA of 3.29, finishing 4th in the Cy Young vote.
11. In 2019, he was diagnosed with leukemia. He missed the season, returning for one inning in September. He was later named Comeback Player of the Year.
12. In 2021, he was traded with Francisco Lindor to the Mets. He tore a hamstring in spring training and pitched the season with a bone fragment floating in his elbow.
13. In 2023, the Mets waived him, and he returned to Cleveland.
14. Carrasco has headed up disaster-relief efforts in Venezuela, Colombia and other stricken countries.
15. In 2019, he won the Roberto Clemente Award, as the MLB player "who best exemplifies the game of baseball, sportsmanship, community involvement and the individual's contribution to his team."
No expectations. But the Clemente Award? That's not nothing. Who knows? Maybe, in a pinch, he pitches lefty?
Monday, February 3, 2025
As they seek a backup catcher, the Yankees must wonder: Which Austin Wells will show up in 2025?
In the months of July and August, he came out of nowhere - or at least Wilks Barre - to hit .300 with 9 HRS and protect Aaron Judge in the batting order. Not since the immortal Kraken, Gary Sanchez, waaaaaay back in 2016, had a young Yankee catcher conjured so much hope. Entering September, Wells was odds-on favorite to win AL Rookie of the Year.
Then came that fateful month, with the falling leaves drifting by our window panes. In the last six weeks, Wells hit .111 with 1 HR and 20 whiffs, surely his most awkward period since puberty. It was painful. Also, his slump carried into the postseason, when he batted .120, though one HR did come against the ultra-rich Dodgers, briefly bringing hope in that otherwise dreadful week.
We must also note that Wells made himself into a MLB-quality defensive catcher, which had been our fears, early on, when he was tabbed as a 1B who could occasionally catch. Not anymore. He is our front line catcher, no turning back, and nobody behind him in at depth chart that used to be - (thinking Higgy and Jose Trevino) - rather formidable.
Right now, the Yankee roster shows Wells and somebody named J.C. Escarra, a 29-year-old mope who hit .201 last year in the minors. There's also Alex Jackson, also 29, who hit .122 last year for Tampa. And Ben Rice, last year's momentary wunderkind, who might be a 1B who can occasionally catch. (And who needs a few months at Wilkes Barre.)
So, which Austin Wells will show up this season?
The one who mashed in midsummer, or the one who ran out of gas on Aug. 1?
If Wells hits, the Yankee lineup looks formidable. If he doesn't, things could go sideways by June 1. We might need that A.I.-powered toilet - for the paperwork, of course.
Sunday, February 2, 2025
After all these years, could Yoan Moncada finally become a Yankee?
In 2015, Moncada was a 20-year-old, Cuban free agent, a generational, five-tool talent who drew comparisons to Robby Cano. He switch hit, played 3B and 2B, ranked 7th on the MLB prospect list and, as everyone knew, was destined to become a Yankee. (Back then, the franchise used its financial clout, rather than self-castrate to avoid luxury taxes.)
Moncada turned out to be Hal Steinbrenner's first great mess-up, an early sign that that Food Stamps was, in reality, a shoe salesman in charge of a baseball team. He let Boston outbid us, a then-staggering $30 million signing bonus -rather comical by today's standards. But Hal peed his pants and threw up his hands. (Later, the Yankees, in a whisper campaign, blamed an in-law, now disappeared, for the botched negotiations.)
Moncada didn't last long with the Redsocks. Eight games, to be precise. In 2016, they traded him to the White Sox as the key lug nut in a four-player package, effectively converting him into Chris Sale, who won Boston a world series two years later.
(The Yankees, of course, have since appeared in one world series, where they performed a brief cameo of the 1961 Mets.)
Moncada never became the next Robby. Over nine years, he has 93 HRs and a career BA of .254. He showed glimpses: In 2018, he hit 25 HRs and batted .315. But even then, the guy couldn't lay off curveballs, and, in his career season, he led the AL in strikeouts.
Last year, he appeared in 12 games, 40 at-bats, due to chronic injuries. The guy was always a bit too bulked up for his own good. I'm not sure whether 2B is still an option.
So, why are we discussing Moncad-YOANNNNNNNNN MONCADA... SLOOOOOOOLY I TURNED... STEP BY STEP... INCH BY INCH...
Sorry about that. So... why Monca- um - you know. Well, he's out there. A free agent. No qualifying offer. He's pushing 30, and he's probably on the cheap side, if Hal feels inclined (And if the Yankees can trade Marcus Stroman's $18 million contract.)
You can argue either way. You can say, better late than never. Let's rectify Hal's original fuck-up. He's only 30. And don't they all become Yankees, eventually?
Or you can say, screw dat: We already have enough lottery tickets - Goldschmidt, Bellinger, LeMahieu, Stanton, Volpe, Wells - this could be another Kevin Youkilis. We don't need another 150 Ks.
Honestly, I dunno. But Yoan Mon- um - he's out there. And we have a hole at 3B. Slowly, we turn...?
Saturday, February 1, 2025
Do you know me?
I was missing from the Yankees' Top 30 Prospects List the other day. Evidently, ranked behind even 16-year-old kids who have never left the D.R. And even though I ended up batting .292 and hitting 15 homers in just 114 games for the Scranton RailRiders last summer.
Don't believe me?
Just listen to Jack Rotolo, who wrote this on the LWOS site last August 26th, in an article about the Top 5 players the Yanks were most likely to bring up for the stretch run:
The 24-year-old from Virginia has quietly put together a very solid season in Scranton/Wilkes-Barre. In 95 Triple-A games, T.J. Rumfield has smacked 12 homers with 59 RBI, not to mention boasting an OPS of .806. He’s also a defensive wiz at first base, winning a Minor League Gold Glove with Double-A Somerset last year.
When Anthony Rizzo fractured his arm in June, the Yanks could have called up Rumfield to replace him. But, they ended up choosing fellow first baseman Ben Rice, who has been on the MLB roster ever since. Both players are lefties with big frames, and they performed similarly in the minors. With Rice’s hot start long gone, the Yankees could very well take the opportunity to see how Rumfield fares at first base before Rizzo returns.
Huh.
Rice ended up hitting .171 in 50 games, and didn't make the postseason roster, either. Of course, we don't know how T.J. might have hit, compared to Rizzo's 7-30 playoff run, with one double, no ribbies, and 10 Ks performance.
But I'd like you to try a little exercise. Warning: don't do this if you are alone at home.
Close your eyes, and picture that fifth inning in Game 5 of the World Series again. I know it's traumatic just going there—but try.
Mookie Betts hits his slow roller to first and bursts out of the box. No question about it: he's going to outrun Gerrit "The Pointer" Cole to the bag.
But...a 6-5 "whiz" at first base—a guy who's maybe only hitting .000 in the playoffs so far but is not a walking invalid—charges the ball as he should, scoops it up neatly, and beats Mookie to the bag.
Thunderous applause. Inning over. Soon, game over, with the Yankees winning handily. Back in LA, with Ohtani's sleeve pinned to his Jersey, the valiant, overextended Dodgers lose in 7. Maybe Anthony Rizzo smacks the Series-clinching homer in Chavez Ravine.
After which he's replaced by fielding whiz T.J. Rumfield at first, for the bottom of the 9th. Where he gloves the final out for an ecstatic win that erases all the pain of this wretched century (at least when it comes to baseball).
Picture this...but do NOT do it without a loved one at home. Otherwise, you will soon be picked up, screaming and naked on a street corner, trying to tear your hair out.
You have been warned.
At age 35, how much should the Yankees expect from Giancarlo Stanton?
True or false...
1. Giancarlo played his first two MLB seasons under the name "Mike."
2. In the recent world series, Giancarlo - our most dangerous slugger - batted just .238.
3. Over his illustrious 15-year career, through age 34, his statistical doppelganger is Edwin Encarnacion.
4. In the recent postseason, Giancarlo picked up his only stolen base of 2024.
5. Over his entire career, on full counts - 3 and 2 - he's a .200 hitter.
6. Over his career, with two outs and runners in scoring position, he's at .246.
7. Throughout his career, the team he has most punished is the Colorado Rockies.
8. The Yankees have him under contract for four more years.
9. Beginning in 2026, the Miami Marlins will annually kick in $10 million of Giancarlo's salary.
10. In 2028, when he's 38, the Yankees will have a $10 million buyout option.
All of the above are true. Now, essay question: Debate this statement into April.
The Yankees should not expect much from Stanton in 2025.
Aw, shoot. Forget that question.. I don't wanna pick on Giancarlo. Frankly, I've come to like the guy. His teammates certainly do. You could see it all season, in their mannerisms. Yeah, he's fragile. But nobody's ever accused him of dogging an injury. We can make numbers jump through hoops, but Stanton's towering presence was our best hope in October. He hit seven HRs, four against Cleveland in the ALCS. Whenever he came up to bat, I came out from behind the couch. And when he hit one, fukkinay, that ball stayed hat.
But, realistically, what can the Yankees expect in 2025?
For the last two months of 2024, the guy couldn't run. Remember him in the world series, straining to score from third, thrown out easily? Remember the DP fears, if he hit a grounder? You can go with a hobbled DH in a seven five game series. You can't over a full season.
So, this winter, as we wonder what to expect from Cody Bellinger and Paul Goldschmidt - relevant questions, indeed - the biggest question mark, by far, is the guy who will slot in behind them. Can Giancarlo run? If not, can he even play? Because remove his bat from our lineup, and the Yankee DH becomes - well - Betty White. So, do we still wanna sit out the bidding on Alex Bregman?
Friday, January 31, 2025
As of today, the Yankees are bringing forth an old and brittle lineup. That isn't likely to change before April.
Cooperstown Cashman will make tweaks - vets with minor league contracts and opt-out clauses - (think Dominick Smith, this year's Franchy Cordero/Willie Calhoun.) But here's the lineup, as it now stands...
Jazz Chisholm (3B/2B)
Aaron Judge (RF)
Cody Bellinger (CF)
Giancarlo Stanton (DH)
Paul Goldschmidt (1B)
Austin Wells (C)
Jasson Dominguez (LF)
Anthony Volpe (SS)
DJ LeMahieu (3B/2B)
Close your eyes and imagine everybody healthy - and it's 2021). If the Yankees can get full seasons from Judge and Stanton, and bounce-backs from Goldschmidt and LeMahieu - Breaking News: This lineup will win 90 games.
The problem, though, is - well - reality.
Generally, Stanton misses a third of every season. He's 35. He couldn't run the bases in October. LeMahieu and Goldschmidt face career twilights. Bellinger has missed substantial parts of recent seasons. And if Judge goes down, it's an asteroid strike. He's replaced by Trent Grisham. Maybe the Martian and Volpe will hit? Yeah, and maybe they won't. Tweak a few gonads, and the lineup looks straight out of 2013 (AKA, the Year ofYoukilis.)
Jazz Chisholm (2B)
Cody Bellinger (CF)
Paul Goldschmidt (1B)
Austin Wells (C)
DJ LeMahiue (DH)
Jasson Dominguez (LF)
Oswaldo Cabrera (3B)
Anthony Volpe (SS)
Trent Grisham (RF)
I'm not trying to scare you. But the 2025 Yankees are skating on perilously thin ice. And there is no cavalry in Scranton. If you're looking for youthful upgrades, well, there is Ben Rice and - um - Jorbet Vivas? Oh, wait, there's Spencer Jones, and his newest retooled swing. Do you feel lucky?
Early this winter, we traded the most interesting player in our system - Caleb Durbin, who may or may not be overhyped, but who looked to be, at least, full of youthful spirit and grit. Maybe the Martian can bring it. Who knows? But we're facing a spring when Boston may have baseball's most abundant farm system, with a wave of youth on their doorstep. Are we really a tweak away from Grisham?
Thursday, January 30, 2025
The Yankees Top 30 prospect rankings are out. It's a wish list.
1. Hollywood assholes give themselves awards.
2. Music industry assholes give themselves awards.
3. Supermodels give themselves tans.
4. TV news each night exposes an incredible scoop: It's winter.
5. The Pro Bowl holds it's Egg & Spoon race and Pie-Eating contest.
6. Flu.
7. Death.
8. Taxes.
9. The Yankees sign their upcoming Scranton roster.
10. MLB publishes its lists of prospects.
So, here we are, at No. 10, tapping our hammerhead toes until P's and C's report, barely three weeks from now. Yesterday, the MLB grist machine released its Yankee Top 30 Prospects - tweeted by the Somerset Patriots - which gently reminds us that, no matter how barren a system, there is always a top 30.
The Yankee pig list begins with The Martian, Jasson Dominguez, in his final year as a prospect, who will either win LF in spring training or foster an overwhelming sense of doom for 2025. Imagine the Yankees if, on opening day - say - Trent Grisham starts in left. Quickly, you realize the hopelessness that could emerge, following the loss of traitorous Juan Soto.
The list ends with a 6'2" Texan named Griffin Garner Herring, a 21-year-old lefty reliever who pitched last year for - um - LSU, the school. There is, literally, no way to measure this guy, aside from his record in the SEC. (He went 6-1, with a 1.79 ERA.)
If you need an indicator, try No. 19: Mani Cedeno, the 16-year-old Latino free agent SS who signed last week for $2.5 million, and who is, at the least, five years away from touching down in a meaningful game. At his signing, Cedeno was ranked No. 11 by MLB Pipeline in the 2025 international signing class, a list of similar ciphers and lottery tickets. As of today, he's still a nobody, who has done nothing, nowhere, no how, and yet he already slots in above Clayton Beeter and Everson Periera, who were exciting items in our top 10 a year ago.
Oh, well, the Grammys are this weekend. That'll kill 15 minutes.
Wednesday, January 29, 2025
Monster Jam
T.S Elliot (that anti-Semite bastard) once wrote that, “april
is the cruelest month” but for me it’s always been that period between now and
the end of February. Not only is it cold
and bleak, (Even here in California – although to be fair, much like our hills during
a rainfall after a devastating fire, it’s a sliding scale.) but for a fan like
myself, it’s the sports doldrums.
College football is finished, as is the NFL season and the playoffs with the exception of the Super Bowl… like that matters.
I can watch
and enjoy the Knicks, but it will be a while before the games really count.
I suppose there is college basketball, but it is pretty
boring to begin with and we are over a month away from March Madness…
Quick Side Note: A couple of years ago I came to the realization that I lack the knowledge or interest to make a decent run at any March Madness pool or national contest and have made it my mission to come in last.
Here is my ranking from 2024. I came in 2,856,143rd. This year I’m hoping to break 3,000,000th. Wish me unluck.
So the other day when a friend of mine asked me if I wanted
to go see Monster Jam at the Golden One Arena I jumped at it. Not only was
seeing monster trucks shoot fire and crush smaller vehicles on my bucket list, but he works for a large “advocacy” group, and they have a luxury box. I won’t
say which one but let’s put it this way, it’s a good thing, Luigi Mangione is
in jail.
Sadly, there was not.
Part of the problem was that Monster Jam is apparently not Monster Truck Wars. Monster Jam is a two-hour toy commercial fobbed off as a competition between six, I don’t know what to call them, overgrown dune buggies?
You know those radio-controlled truck/go
carts they used to sell at Radio Shack (A Tandy Company!)? They were like a bigger version of that. Sure
they had names like Grave Digger and Jurassic Attack, but there was also one
named Scooby-Doo.
The premise of Monster Jam is, there are six vehicles, that compete in a series of events such as driving over some piled up dirt and doing wheelies, doing donuts, and getting air.
You know… the stuff I did in my parent’s Fiat 124 behind the Pathmark after school.
I even drove it
once down a flight of stairs just like Rémy Julienne.
Another Side Note: Many, many, years later my Dad and I were having a conversation about some of the cars we owned, and he mentioned that while he liked the Fiat, he felt it wasn’t that well-built because it always had a rattle, like the frame was going to come apart.
Heh… Heh…
To involve the crowd, such as it was, you could download a QR
code and be a judge for each event. My favorite instruction was when we were
told to reward the drivers for their creativity during the donut competition.
I’m pretty sure that doing a donut just entails hitting the
brake pedal and the gas pedal at the same time and then keeping the wheel
turned all the way to one side. Not a lot of opportunities for creativity
there.
It was all so so, so boring and pointless. Nothing shot fire. No vehicles we destroyed. Actually that would be pointless too but at least it would be more entertaining.
The "competition" lacked context, villains,
story, and a sense of danger. Nothing was at
stake, and you know that the trophy they gave the "winner” at the end will be
used again the next night. I was a
little far away but I’m pretty sure I saw a bowler on top of it.
It was however, really, really loud, because for some reason, “sporting events” equate volume and excitement.
I felt bad for the little kids in attendance. At least when
I destroyed my hearing it was because I sat in the eighth row of a Pink Floyd
concert at Nassau Coliseum.
The kids in attendance were more interested in the merch. Which I guess was the whole idea.
For thirty bucks you could get a slushy in a cup based on the shark themed Megalodon. To be fair, it did light up.
Just a couple of final notes:
The National Anthem was sung by a Hispanic woman who kept glancing around like she was expecting ICE to haul her off in the middle of the song. Sad.
Speaking of sad. Pretty much everyone in there was working
class and tickets were not cheap. A family of four probably dropped close to five
hundred bucks to watch this garbage.
Let me put it this way... If you’ve ever been to Vegas there’s always a moment when you see a person or a family, slowly walking in the lobby, totally defeated, questioning why they saved up their hard-earned money only to end up broke and empty inside.
I saw several families like that. Sure the kids had a Megalodon
cup and a $25 plastic framed photograph of them sitting in a mockup of a
Monster Jam vehicle but, at least they got to see this…
On the bright side I still have Monster Truck Wars on my
bucket list and I’m sure that will be better.
Plus only two weeks to pitchers and catchers and I hear the Pro Bowl
Skills Challenge is going to be very special this year.
"We’re going to be better defensively this time around, if we make it. I believe, if we make it, we’ll get the job done."
Yesterday, Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner delivered the pizza. Were it a Saturday Night Live sketch, Heidi Gardner would have cracked up. But Hal came through. Talking about 2025, with a face as straight as Lindsey Graham, he said..
"We’re going to be better defensively this time around, if we make it. I believe, if we make it, we’ll get the job done."
If we make it...
This came as Hal was talking about the Dodgers, baseball's best team and most dominant franchise, the new Evil Empire, and the embodiment of everything the Yankees stood for through their first 80 years. As usual, Hal was griping about money, noting that his team - ranked by Forbes as MLB's highest valued franchise - cannot compete with the big-spending Dodgers, Phillies and Mets. Then he offered his solemn vow...
This year, if the Yankees make it, they won't be humiliated.
Nope. This time, it'll be different. No Game 5, inning 5. No dropped fly ball, no errant throw, no inexplicable failure to cover first base. This time, different. No embarrassment. If they make it...
In about two weeks, pitchers and catchers will start arriving in Tampa. The days will lengthen, the sunsets will brighten, and George M. Steinbrenner Field will open for another year. And with every returnee, the horror of last year's world series will replay on the Jumbotron of our minds.
I guess we at IT IS HIGH have a bit of a reputation for getting down on the Yankees. At times, we're unfair. We complain so vigorously that readers wonder if we even root for the Yankees.
Well, that's what happens when you love a team.
The Yankees had a great 2024, a wondrous season, right up to the fucking moment when everything turned to shit, when the comedy became farce. It was a great movie, a magnificent show, until the ending.
Until the memories of Game 5 are replaced with something great - or, gasp, even more ghastly - I'm sorry, but the images won't leave. We're stuck behind the couch, still watching Gerrit Cole point to first base. We've been there all winter.
Hal says, this year, if we make it, things will be different.
If only we could believe him...
Tuesday, January 28, 2025
The Redsocks might have baseball's strongest farm system. Is it time to worry?
It's baseball's version of The Substance - the Hollywood horror flick, where an aging, over-the-hill Demi Moore franchise suddenly transforms into a young, strong Andie McDowell's daughter lineup, ready to win a TV gig world series.
On Law's List, Boston places five prospects, including the #1 - a CF named Roman Anthony, who is 6'2", with power and speed, and who looks like-
WAIT WAIT WAIT... YES, I HEAR YOUR SCREAMS. Calm down. Take a pill. I accept your protests. You're yelling that I'm taking this list seriously, which is in direct conflict with the No. 1 Rule of IT IS HIGH: Never take these lists seriously. Wasn't it last winter that Baltimore unveiled MLB's top prospect, 20-year-old Jackson Holliday? Remember the hype? Holliday came and went, then returned - hitting .190 with a measly 5 HRs. Ha ha. He's no longer on anybody's "prospect list." He's too old. (He's 21.) So, what-we-worry, right?
Yeah, well, okay... But two winters ago, we assured ourselves that Bobby Witt Jr. was a washout, and that Anthony Volpe was destined for Monument Park.
In prospect years, two seasons is a decade.
So, to answer your wails... Yes, it's too soon to fear the worst. But it's never too soon to worry... when we're dealing with Boston.
Look, records are made to be broken, and so are prospects. If Roman looks like the next Freddie Lynn - (in his rookie year, 1975, he hit .331 with 21 HRs) - it's still not time to hit the Panic Button. (Besides, when Hal presses his button, Cashman just brings him a Diet Coke laced with Xanax.)
But there's always concern when Boston has sat out three straight years, preparing to rise, like a zombie apocalypse. These kids can always be new versions of Franchy Cordero. But it's still worth worrying.
Anthony, a lefty-hitting CF, shot through the minors last year. Law says he could make the team out of spring training, and he projects 30-HR power, speed, defense and high average.
Next comes Kristian Campbell, a 23-year-old 2B/OF, who hit .330 last year in three minor league levels. He ranks #9. Then Marcelo Mayer - the "It" guy from the 2023 draft -at #28. Then Franklin Arias, age 19, another SS, at #42. Then Yoelin Cespedes, 19, yet another SS, at #97.
The Yankees? We have The Martian, Jasson Dominguez, at #21, which is also his age. It seems like he's 30, having been under the microscope for five years. But he sure didn't impress anyone playing LF in September. We'll see. (They also have George Lombard, the single A SS, at #98.)
The Orioles have three players, including catcher Samuel Basalo, #3. Tampa and Toronto have two, none of which move the needle.
Wait... okay, I hear you: These lists are crapola. But in this millennium, when Boston has more rings than the Yankees, it's worth noting the strategy they have been playing: Lie dormant for a few seasons, go into hiding, then suddenly go for broke. This could be one of those suddenly go-for-broke years.
The Yankees had better not be done improving.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
