Radiotorial: Trouble in the Lowe's Broadcast Booth?

This season, "Diamond Notes"--the segment of the New York Yankees Radio Network Pregame Show devoted to headlines from around the majors and bumpered with signature jitterbug music--has been hosted not by its traditional star, Suzyn Waldman, but by the Voice of the Yankees himself, John Sterling. To say that this upheaval took place without official explanation is putting it too mildly. Indeed, it occurred so far under the radar that Suzyn is still listed as "Diamond Notes" host on the New York Yankees Radio Network Wikipedia entry!

Is "Diamond Notes" a plum so juicy that John used the power of his office to steal it away from the woman he publicly calls his "Yankees compañera?"

If she wasn't thus pushed, did Suzyn vacate the role freely? Does her bubbly disposition conceal some tragic injury or infirmity, physical or psychological, that will dilute her duties now and going forward?

New York Yankees Radio Network listeners deserve answers.

And we deserve them now.

I Told You All. The Truth. Early.

It is why I ran away back the dirt field league in south Mexico. This team is too old and the players are too rich. Cash man ( where the buck stops.....I know there are many failures in the organization, but they all work for him) has failed miserably in all phases of his job except over-paying: A. The Pineda trade B. The endless contract for an aging A-rod C. Mis-judging young Yankee pitchers, and consistently dealing away the good ones D. The pathetic record with respect to draft picks E. Total absence of young players, major league ready F. Failure to see that Nunez can't play a position, thus reducing his trade-value for A+ to D- G. Selecting a stalker for a mistress H. Not convincing the Hal & Hank rubes to spend some of Dad's money on real talent I have to run. The federales don't like me tapping the phone wires.

The 1982 (2012) Yankees: The Poem

Steve Balboni at the plate,
Dave Collins really swings the bat.
Juan Espino? He’ll be great!
Roy Smalley fields just like a cat!
.

This Yankee team, remember when?

Those future talents, to be found.
It’s nineteen-eighty-two again!
And Dave LaRouche is on the mound.
.

Here’s Tommy John, age thirty-nine.

And Lee Mazzilli, batting first,
Is there, by chance, a stronger wine?
I’ve grown a Bobby Meacham thirst.
.

Curt Kaufman’s warming in the pen,

Another save shall not be blown.
It’s nineteen-eighty-two again,
Now batting, catcher Rick Cerone.
.

It’s only May; we’ll start anew,

We really can’t be in such shambles.
We’ve Jeter, ARod, Swisher, too.
Not Hobsons, Dents and Oscar Gambles.
.
Alas, I feel intense new fears.
It’s twenty-twelve… or am I wrong?
If eighty-two, I need some beers,
The next Depression's twelve years long.

Yankeetorial: Without Jesus, we are the New York Zombies

Many years ago, while I lived in Indianapolis, some bastard burglarized my apartment. Beyond the initial trauma, the worst part was the drip-by-drip realizations that came for months afterward, whenever I realized something new that the asshole took. 

That’s how I feel whenever Jesus Montero hits another home run. He did the other night. He has 7 now. That roughly projects to about 25 this season. He's hitting about .280 and catching games. And I suspect he’s going to get better, not worse.

Burglarized. That's how I feel. When that deal exploded, it stole the heart from this team. We have been zombies ever since.

How can anyone put juju into a team of decomposing corpses?

We can’t. Last night, nobody came to the game, nobody fired juju into the void, and nobody played on the field. Nobody cried when the Yankees stranded runners. It’s par for the course. And there is nobody out there who’ll save this team – no rising star, no young talent soon to change the dynamics.

We’ve lost series after series to teams full of rising players, while we showed none, not one. And I fear we are going to be realizing this – drip, drip, drip - for the next four months.  

John's Takeaway Points from last night's game

1. It's an old cliche, but you're never as good as you look when you're winning, or as bad as you look when you're losing. And it's true.

2. Even the '98 Yankees went through rough patches.

3. You can't win without timely hitting. The Yankees aren't getting timely hitting.

4. Somebody is going to have to step up and get a big hit, but you can't hit a three-run homer every time you step to the plate.

5. Even the '98 Yankees went through rough patches. But these are certainly not the '98 Yankees.

6. Joe Girardi did everything right tonight in making the pitching changes. He took out Rappada and brought in Garcia to face Franceur, and it was absolutely the right move. It just didn't work.

7. Pop-ups were really hard to catch all game. Maybe it was the rain, or maybe it was the wind. But the pop-ups were hard.

8. Kansas City has a good young team.

9. These are not the best of times for the Yankees.

The Wages of Juju?

UPDATE: This post sounds more snide than I'd intended. Of course those of you who charged the mound in the bottom of the second are heroes. Thank you for your service.

Yankees celebrate "Harry Potter Invisible Cloak Night"

The first 30,000 fans receive a Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak,

courtesy of Little Debbie.

Where is everybody?

Season turns around tonight

Write this down.

National Juju Intervention.

We win tonight.  WE. WIN. TONITE.

Pass the word, link to this, tell your friends: IT IS TIME FOR A NATIONWIDE YANKEE JUJU INTERVENTION

Friends, Buddy Roemers, countrypersons... brothers and sisters... saints and sinners... huddled masses... people who watch Dancing With the Stars... Yankee fans EVERYWHERE...  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 

We. Have. Reached. Critical. Mass.

Tonight -- YEAH, GADAMMIT, TONIGHT! - Yankee fans across America must salvage our rapidly dying 2012 season...  We must unite to rescue the struggling Arod, Teixeira, et al, from the downward spiraling sewer-trough into which the Girardi Jurassics have plunged. TONIGHT.

TONIGHT, IT IS TIME TO TAKE OFF THE GLOVES.

IT IS TIME TO CHANGE THE YANKEE WORLD.

IT IS TIME TO CHARGE THE MOUND!

In the bottom of the 2nd inning, each self-respecting Yankee fan must rush from the farthest sections of our home directly to the TV, radio or Yankee lodestone, letting no Redsock fan, spouse, beagle or child compromise your victory tromp path, and send forth whatever juju you possess to the Yankee cause. YEAH, OPHELIA, GADAMMIT, GET THEE TO THE NUNNERY! It's time for a Yankee Juju Intervention.

PASS THE WORD! LINK TO THIS STORY! GAS UP THE SOUNDTRUCK! CALL YOUR BONDSMAN! WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

EVERY YANKEE MAN, WOMAN AND CHILD MUST PARTICIPATE.

THIS IS A NATIONAL YANKEE EMERGENCY. NOT SURE WHAT TO DO? WATCH THIS INSTRUCTIONAL MANUAL.



TONIGHT, THE 2012 SEASON - THUS FAR, A SEASON OF YANKEE HELL - CHANGES.

TONIGHT, THE YANKEES WIN, THUUUUUUUUUH YANKEES WIN.

TONIGHT, WE SHOW THE WORLD THAT THE YANKIVERSE WILL NOT SURRENDER.

TONIGHT. WE. CHANGE. THIS. SEASON. 

"The end of time shall be marked by acts of unfathomable compassion."
- Dostoyevsky -

"The end of a season really pisses me off."
- Alphonso -

OK, we were kidding before, but NOW we're going to start winning

The Yankees originally planned to crank it up on the exact date - May 19 - when we turned it around last year, but - well, NOW we're REALLY mad. We're going to stop fooling around. Starting NOW.

All right, that did it, Yankees tell league. NOW we'll start trying

Having reached the point in the season where last year the Yankees suddenly rallied and started playing well, the Yankees said yesterday it's time to PLA BALL.

The rest of the league has gone and done it. They have pissed us off. Well, from now on, we're going to actually try to win.

Now I know that John has a heart, because it's broken

It was cruel yesterday, waterboard-level cruel, listening to John call the ninth. It was like listening to Hal, the computer, lose his mind; you half-expected him to sing a showtne. The Master was so sure that the Yankees would mount a comeback that it seemed as though he forgot the Prime Knowlege about predicting baseball games. But he could feel it. Everyone could.

So goes this wretched season: Everybody is so sure the Yankees will mount a comeback. Fourth place i? No problem. We were here last year. Look what happened: We made the first round of the playoffs!

Yesterday, the Yankees were overmatched by that Cuban kid, Chapman, who throws 100 miles per hour. I remember when we were expected to sign him. In fact, everybody in baseball said he was ticketed to the Yankees, because that's what we did - sign the best talent whenever we could. That way, we balanced out the late draft picks we receive every year.

But we didn't sign Chapman. As we didn't sign Yu Darvish or Humanis Centepedes, or any of the stud international agents who were gathering all the ink. (I do understand that we have signed our share of prospects; we're just not going after the celebrated ones.)

George made up for his mistakes by spending hard on the players who made headlines. He always captured the back page. His sons don't like bidding wars, and maybe that's smart business.

And who knows, maybe we'll get to the first round of the playoffs, too.

And a child shall lead them...

Andy Pettitte: The Rap

Curt Schilling has turned Rhode Island red

Another History Channel mystery solved. (Note: Best proposed tag line ever for the History Channel, as usual, comes from South Park: "The History Channel: Where the Truth is History.") I always figured Curtis Montague Schilling's famed "bloody" sock - (never analyzed for DNA) - came via Heinz, Sherwin Williams or some unlucky chicken. Turns out, the good taxpayers of Rhode Island - who loaned the iconic Redsock, hard-right, pro-Bush, conservative gasbag $75 million for his video game company - now know it was red ink.

The grim news surrounding Kingdoms of Amalur developer 38 Studios continues to mount, as new reports indicate that the Rhode Island-based company was unable to pay its employees this week. Over the past several days, the studio has been in talks with Rhode Island officials to discuss its serious financial woes, and today a spokesperson for the Rhode Island Economic Development Corporation confirmed that 38 Studios has missed its most recent payroll.
.
Meanwhile, Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee said that 38 Studios is in the process of fulfilling the overdue $1.125 million loan payment it missed earlier this month. This news comes just a day after 38 Studios head Curt Schilling met with state officials asking for more funding for the company.
.
OK. Contrary to pop opinion, I don't hate Curtis Montague Schilling. The fact that he loathes the Yankees, Yankee fans, New York, NYC, Democrats and humanity - and that he left the 2004 Redsock glee-fest to help re-elect the peace-and-prosperity Prez, George W. Bush - coupled with his work for U.S. Sen. Scott Brown, whose victory is probably the biggest single reason why Obamacare has a personal mandate instead of a public option, and thus will be scuttled by the Supreme Court, leaving 70 million Americans without health insurance during the longest recession in history - nope, the fact that this pompous, purely evil, french fry-faced golfer embodies all these things - it don't bother me a freakin' whit. What gripes my britches is how bigwig Conservatives oppose government spending except for when it lines their milky pockets.

Well, he'll pay it off. He has friends. Beantown Conservatives have always wanted him to run for Senate. Some Koch will pay the tab, like Clear Channel's Tom Hicks did with George W., so that Curt can ditch the private sector and return to what he does best - remembering 2004 and shouting holier-than-thou platitudes at godless Yankee fans. God speed thou, Ketsup Man. And good luck, Rhode Island. (But didn't you people wonder why Massachusetts let the guy walk?)

I Didn't Know This

Melky Cabrera has his own personal pep squad, The Melkmen.

Revamped signature calls for John Sterling, reflecting the current Yankee reality

Arod swings, and hits a drive... BASE HIT! It’s an A-bloop... from A-Rod! Alexander the Great singles again!

.

Thuuuuuh pitch, hard ground ball into right. Audino has it. Over to first. IN time. Another blast into the overshift, exactly where the defense had him played. It’s a Vexed Message! O, you’re on their chart, Teixeira!

.

Swing and a grounder to third. Over to first. IN time. And Martin really got down that line. Russell shows hustle!
.
Tyings runs on second and third. Thuuuuh pitch. Swings... grounder to short. Over to first. IN time. And once again, the Yankees strand the runners. It was close, though. Because the Grandy ran, oooo, the Grandy man ran! Curtis, you're something sort of strandish!
.
The pitch... bouncer back to the mound. On to second, over to first - DOUBLE PLAY. It's a squibbie for Robbie! A-Robbie Cano, doncha beat that throw!

Star Ledger, NY Post draw first blood in H-word race