An IT IS HIGH holiday classic: Welcome Santa to town with the Master and the Boss

 

The Wedding Cake

 Imagine a fancy wedding for which a three tier wedding cake was ordered from the best bakery in town. 

It has elaborate designs in the frosting, candy flowers on the edges, and appropriate replicas of a bride and groom ruling from the top tier. 

Imagine, then, that the staff allows the cake to slip off the tray as they approach the cutting table.  

The staff does its best to recover salvageable parts of the cake, return them to the tray, refashions the frosting design by smearing it around, pick up the few candy flowers which are still in tact, and clean the frosting off the bride and groom and stick them back in the middle.

No one will ever mistake this cake for what it was. 

This is what the Yankees are doing.  The Soto cake fell off the trey and the patchwork has commenced. 

What results will look exactly like what it is....,  a desperate, alternative version of something that once was. The remnant will be edible, and may even have a respectable look to it. 

But it isn't ever going to be close to what the bride and groom were hoping for. 

 What we were all hoping for. 

Binghamton vaults off to early lead in the Golden Snowball

 Competing to be New York's snowiest city. Amazingly, Buffalo is behind. 

Cashman's comments would have you thinking all is fine across the Yankiverse. I assure you, it isn't.

Yesterday, at their birthing ceremonies for Max Fried, Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman - aka: Yankee GM for life - vomited a Linda Blair-worthy stream of marketing mush, which was instantly gobbled up and excreted by the Gammonites of Gotham. Cashman said: 

“We’re getting after it! We’re defending our title with a whole different crew! Our intention is to find a way back to the World Series! Stay tuned!”

He neglected to add, "And buy U.S. Savings Bonds! Jollygood show! Y'all come back now, ya hear! Excelsior!"

Insert shrug here.

So... Here we are, halfway through this snake of a winter, which has already restructured NY's sports landscape for the rest of our lifetimes. This will be remembered as the year the Yankees... 

a. Embarrassed themselves in the World Series
b. Lost Juan Soto to the Mets
c. Became the Number 2 team in NY
d. Gave up their Florida encampment, soon home of the Rays. 

This is the winter that the Mets took New York, our worst disillusionment since 2004, when Boston ate our lunches - a defeat that, 20 years later, has yet to be avenged. Increasingly, it looks like we will go to our graves, forever chasing wild cards, while Boston periodically tanks, regroups and wins the world championship. 

Interesting that Cashman talked about getting "back to the World Series," which is hardly the goal for much, if not most, of the Yankee fan base. We want to win a fucking World Series, not appear in one, and certainly not to end up constantly recalling the most embarrassing Game 5 meltdown in history. 

Cashman can talk joyously about a World Series appearance. The fan base won't join in. The recent October showed us, once and for all, to be careful what you wish for. 

Today, rumors are gurgling that the Yankees will sign Anthony Santander, the Orioles power-hitting RF. (I wonder if Cashman hyped them, off-the-record, during yesterday's event.)

Santander would be - like Cody Bellinger, whom we obtained this week - an incremental improvement. He hit 44 HRs last year, and he switch-hits. He is a rare RF who is not a defensive upgrade over Soto. And he does not get on base often. (Neither does Bellinger or, basically, everybody on the team except Judge and Giancarlo.)

Rumors come and go. Toronto and Boston - both having offered Soto up to $700 million - clearly have money to burn this winter. Are they sitting out Santander, saving for Corbin Burnes or Alex Bregman? Dunno. But I do believe in collusion. The owners are in freefall over Soto's bidding war. And now, with Soto a Met, every Yankee move stinks of desperation. 

So, getting to the World Series? Woopie. Been there, done that. And trying to forget. Damn, winters are cold, when you're Number 2.

Yes, it's that bad.

 

Opening Day, Yankee Stadium, 1923. Col. Jacob Ruppert, Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis, Col. Tillinghast L'Hommedieu Huston, Harry Frazee, Edward J. Flynn, "Boss of the Bronx."

 

We interrupt this holiday cheer fest for a different look at years gone by and the years ahead—all of Brian Cashman’s scuttlings around the Plan B market notwithstanding.

 

How bad is it that your New York Yankees let Juan Soto skip to the Mets? 

 

It’s…

 

—As if instead of saying, “That’s too far from Broadway” when offered the ownership of the Cubs in 1915, colonels Ruppert and Huston had replied, “Chicago? That toddlin’ town? Hey, they have the best record ever over the last ten years, and a new ballpark to boot!”

 

—As if instead of saying, “I need some financing for my next Broadway show,” Harry Frazee had told Babe Ruth, “You’re not goin’ anywhere, big guy. This baseball thing is going to take off—and your salary is doubled to $20,000! You stick around, too, Ed Barrow.”

 

—As if Joe Devine and Bill Essick had told Barrow in 1934, “Forget that DiMaggio kid! He’s got a bum knee!” Or if, in 1946, Clark Griffith had called back Larry MacPhail to say, “Joe D. for Mickey Vernon? You got a deal!”

 

—As if when Yogi Berra asked the Yankees for a $500 signing bonus to match that of his friend, Joe Garagiola, the Yanks had told him, “Forget it, kid, we don’t toss around money like that.”

 

—As if when Mickey and Mutt Mantle went up to St. Louis for a tryout with the Browns, some kindly old front-office soul had told him, “Ah, who cares if it’s raining? You come all this way from Commerce, let’s see what you can do!”

 

—As if George Steinbrenner had told Billy Martin near the end of 1976, “Billy, I was thinking we should go for Reggie Jackson. But if it’ll make you happy, we’ll offer Joe Rudi and Bobby Grich so much money they can’t not come to New York!”

 

—As if Pete Bavasi had called back George in the spring of 1977 and told him, “I may be crazy, George, but the Blue Jays are a young team. Sure, you can have a proven star like Bill Singer for that Guidry kid.”

 

—As if Gene Michael has decided, “Sure, Paul O’Neill’s got a lot of fire. But Roberto Kelly’s a five-tool star.”

 

—As if George had told Stick in the spring of 1996, “Look, Clyde King is right! Derek Jeter just isn’t ready! He’s goes back to Triple-A for now, and we’re sending—what’s his name?—Mariano Rivera to Seattle for Felix Fermin.”

 

—As if Aaron Judge had said after the 2022 season, “I love New York, and all that the fans have meant to me. But I’m taking my game back home to San Francisco.”

Once upon a time, we not only ripped other teams apart—so much so that they plunged into baseball hell for decades—but we even dragged their owners along to the opening of our grand new ballparks, like so many human trophies in a Roman tribute. 

Now...not so much. Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you. Or waving at you.

Just keeping up the spirit of the holiday!

An IT IS HIGH Christmas classic: Twuz the Night Before Sterling

 

MLB All-Rudolph-the-Red-Nosed-Reindeer Team

1B   Steve Christmas
2B   Cupid Childs
SS   Dancerby Swanson
3B   Minnie “the Cuban Comet” Miñoso

LF   Tim Raines-deer
CF   Rudolph Ash
RF   Foghorn Bradley

C    Ken Rudolph

DH  Donner Baylor

LHP   Lee Dashner, Al Clauss
RHP   Josh Fogg, Joe “Blitzen” Benz, Bill Slayback

MGR   Santa Alomar

Comet illustrated by John Hartwell. When looking for an image to accompany this team, I found that Baseball Reference had created a lineup, stats and player trading cards for all of Santa’s team. Check out their squad from 2014. 

Merry Christmas, you old building and loan!

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner: Bellinger is a start, but you cannot be done.

Dear Madam or Sir, 

First, thank you, thank you, thank you, for digging deep on Clay Bellinger's boy. I know, I know, I know... technically, it's a trade. But really, it was a purchase: You're taking on a $27 million contract. And skeptics wonder why the Cubs would give up on the guy, as they seem to have done. Doesn't matter. Cody Peteet for Cody Bellinger is a layup. You had no choice. But you followed through. Thanks. 

So, as of today, here's a 2025 Yankee batting order:

1. Jazz Chisholm LH
2. Aaron Judge RH
3. Clay Bellinger LH
4. Giancarlo Stanton RH
5-9. The cast of "Glee." (Wells, Martian, Volpe, Oswaldo, DJ)

Sir, this lineup wins 85 games. It might snag a berth in the expanded, MLB, participation-trophy wild card system. But if The Martian - or anybody, for that matter - flops, or if Judge or Giancarlo turn into Twin Tweaks, we'll spend October watching our Met overlords from below the bar.  

Sir, you cannot be done. This lineup features holes, black and potentially bottomless. We all want Jasson Dominguez to get a shot at replacing Juan Soto - it would be glorious - but we cannot expect it from a 22-year-old. Too much pressure. Too little protection. We must do right by the kid. That means not crushing him.

Sir, you will have to keep writing checks, and your wrist will hurt. There is no alternative. But you do have options among the following free agents.

Alex Bregman. A hated, deceitful Astro, but a professional 3B. Coming off a bad year. (26 HR, .260.) The Mets are on him. You can stab them. (Or, at least, bid up his price.) He's 31. Bats RH. Would move Jazz to 2B, where he should be.

Anthony Santander. Killed us last season as an Oriole. Hit 44 HRs. Career year. Still, he doesn't walk much. His OBP was just .306. Lousy fielder. Would play RF, forcing Judge to CF. He's 30. Switch-hitter, like the Martian. That helps.

Christian Walker. Gold Glove 1B, revered in Colorado, unknown to AL East. Hit 26 HR, .251. - a down year, compared to previous two seasons. Bats RH. He'll turn 34 in March. A slightly younger DJ? 

Pete Alonso. A poke in the eye to the Mets. (But they'd likely pivot to Bregman.)  He's 30, RH. Beloved in NY. Also, comfortable. 

Tanner Scott. Lefty reliever. Appeared in 72 games last year, 22 saves and a 1.75 ERA. He's 30. Remember: Pitching, pitching, pitching. We need him. 

Sir, you need at least one of the above. Better, sign two. The world needs to know that when teams poach Yankee stars - as the Mets, Jays, Redsocks, Dodgers and Padres all set out to do - it shall bring consequences. In this case, a sea-level rise in salaries. 

Sir, as the song says, "It's up to you, New York, New York." Two of the above. Any two will do. Two of the above, and we will stop talking about whazizname. 

Bellinger for Poteet: A trade of two Cody's.

A Cody for Cody deal?

Somebody's got a sense of humor. 

Yankee Holiday Gift Catalog

Don't know what to get that special Yankee fan on your holiday gift list? Don't want be stuck having to put Cole in their stockings?

(That's for JM - he really wanted to see a Cole in your stocking line.) 

Here are some items from the Yankee Gift Catalog that would warm the cockles of any Yankee fan if that's their idea of a good time.  

---

The Juan Soto Bobble Head Collection Starter Set  $149.95  $19.95

This highly collectable bobblehead set honors future Hall of Famer and Yankee for Life, Juan Soto. 

Hey, he’s only twenty six and there are already four of these. Plus, he can opt out of his Met deal in five years so you’ll be able to ADD (or is it ADHD) more to your collection as time goes on.

---

The Anthony Volpe Family Cookbook  $29.95

From the forward by New York Giant Quarterback Tommy DeVito:

“Do you love Chicken Cutlets? Me too. My mom makes the best ones but my agent Sean Stellato couldn’t find a publisher for my cookbook so he got me a few bucks writing the forward for my fellow New Jersyite Anthony Volpe.

I’m sure his Mom makes a good cutlet too. Hey, maybe he and I could do a Chicken Cutlet Parmigiana Eating Contest sometime. It could be a thing. Sort of like the Nathan’s Hot Dog one but instead of doing it at Coney Island we could do it at the Jersey Shore. I’ll call Sean in the morning. in the meantime, enjoy the book.”

---

Aaron Judge Dropped WS Game Ball  $43,510

The ball that changed the course of  the 2024 World Series! 

Now you can own this one of a kind (we can only hope) piece of baseball history.

Significant Home Run balls fetch prices in the millions. The Freddie Freeman walk-off-grand slam ball just sold for $1.56 million dollars. Judge’s 62^nd home run ball went for 1.5.  

That’s a lot of money.

The famous error ball market is just getting started. 

Imagine owning Merkle's Boner.

Wait… let’s rephrase that. Imagine owning the ball from Merkle's Boner.  Uh.. hmmn. 

Let’s try this one. Who wouldn’t want the ball that went between Bill Buckner’s legs? 

Yeah. This isn’t going to work...

Just buy the ball.

---

This is Fine – The Aaron Boone Story $24.95

From Yankee playoff hero to the third most successful regular season manager in Yankee history this epic tome reveals Aaron Boone’s secrets to relative success.  

---

Close Out Special: “How To Run The Base Paths Like A Pro” by Gleyber Torres $19.95   $3.95

This “How To” book by Yankee second baseman Gleyber Torres is a must have for any little leaguer.

The book incudes chapters on stealing bases with advice like “Just run. It’s OK.” and when to try to score from third on a single…  “Go for it they will never catch you.”  

 

---

and last...

The It is High. It is Far. It is ... Caught   Team Photo  - Free to Download  

Our gift to you. Re-live the epic get together from August 25th 2023. Just right click and  hit "save image as" and it's yours. Suitable for framing, as are most of us. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ Even Old Saint Nick, Doesn't Give a Sh*t ~ Edition

 

The reasons why Cody Bellinger will be a Yankee by Christmas

Year after year, Brian Cashman replays a yuletide practical joke on the last true Gammonites, Ken Rosenthal and Jon Heyman, who - little known fact here - are actually the same person. Nobody notices, because one of them - dunno which - wears a bow tie. Who can think in the presence of a bow tie? 

Anyway, here's what happens: Around - say - mid-December, Cashman dog-whistles a trade rumor, and the Twins of Typeface chase it like a beagle after a sausage truck. The deal goes nowhere, and the bow tie clenches, awaiting the next whisper. Generally, Cashman operates on his own secret wavelength, like Taylor Swift, always surprising us, though not necessarily in a good way.

So, what should we make of the current rumors linking the Yankees to Cody Bellinger? 

Yesterday, Rosenthal said: "It's a financial negotiation. I expect at some point Bellinger will be a Yankee."

Heyman said: "The Yankees want the Cubs to pick up a chunk of the two years and $52.5 million remaining on Bellinger's contract... They are believed to be more than $10 million apart on an agreement."

If we're really talking about a $10 million gap, that's clam dip money. 

I get the feeling Bellinger is coming our way. Here's why:

1. The Yankees keep whispering that Bellinger would become Roger Maris, if blessed by the Stadium's right field porch. Last year, he hit a mere 18. Apparently, somebody analyzed the entire season and projected that - were he a Yank, Bellinger would have hit 26. Not exactly Reggie Jackson. But who cares? These analyses are bogus, but that's how the Yankees crunch. 

2. Bellinger plays two positions - CF and 1B - both of which are trouble spots. He seems to be very good, defensively, at either. Fun fact: He came up as a 1B and was moved to the outfield, because of his speed. He has a Gold Glove in RF (2019), and he's played full seasons in CF and 1B. He would give Cashman flexibility in building the rest of his roster. If they want to chase Alex Bregman, they can. If they prefer Anthony Santander, they can do it.

3. He is the son of Clay Bellinger, a link to the last great Yankee dynasty. The Yankees seem to like this bullshit. (Al Leiter's nephew last August.) It would make him sort of a local boy, an Anthony Volpe-type, even though he was born in Scottsdale, Arizona. A homecoming, of sorts, though completely bogus.

4. He's only 29. I say "only" because we're talking about the Yankees.

5. The Yankees seem ready to punt on Spencer Jones, their top OF prospect after The Martian, (who they won't trade because of the hype investment.) Jones, now 23, last year in Double A hit .259 with 17 HRs. Not terrible. But he struck out 200 times. That's a shitload of Ks. At 6'6", he still looks good coming off the bus. And don't get me wrong: I'm not angling for such a trade. But I think Cashman will pull the trigger, and Jones will be the lynchpin.  

Listen: I try to avoid trade rumor-mongering. Whadda I know? But if $10 million is what separates Bellinger from the Yankees, I gotta believe he's on the way.  

As Long As We’re Doing Christmas Wish Lists…

Here's mine...

1) The Return of Ronald Reagan   

OK not really.  That would be gross, scary, and not where I'm at politically. I just want to hear him say, "Mr. Commissioner, teardown that paywall." and give the people back their free Yankee games.

2) A Hard Cap 

Not on player's salaries. A cap on the number of advertisers viewers/listeners can be exposed to in a given inning.

I understand that it’s a business, so in-between innings is fine, but enough already. 

No more ads on the mound, the bases, the uniforms, the 34^th pitch, the first foul ball, first walk, first mound visit, and I never want to hear, “He rounds third and heads for home… and if you’re heading for home for the holidays fly United… he’s out!"

Believe me, it’s coming.

3)  An ESPN televised full blown, annual retirement ceremony show

Not to honor the players across all leagues but to finally get Flo and her crew off the air. Let them offer their tearful goodbyes and their thanks to the people who made all possible and then disappear... forever. It’s the only way to stop them.

Toss in the Toyota woman and could someone please, please, end the Alllstate triumvirate of Jake, Patrick Mahomes, and, oh hell, anybody that is appearing with them. Please. 

Next year we can lose the Geico Gecko and the caveman guy.

Quick Note:  I actually like the actor who plays the caveman. He did a little-known show called Quick Draw that is available on Hulu. It is a loosely scripted semi-improved western series about “Sheriff John Henry Hoyle and his reluctant Deputy Eli introduce the emerging science of forensics to an 1875 Kansas town.” It’s actually pretty damn funny. I’ve watched it a couple of times.

4)  Like 13Bit said … Lower the damn music!

Or get better speakers and better music. If you want to see it done right go to Citi Filed. Their music makes it a party. Yankee Stadium music is an assault.

And last…

5) Add the Golden-At Bat ASAP!  

To the pile of horseshit ideas and light it on fire. Stop trying to make the game what it’s not. Speaking of which, get back to fundamentals.  Hit the cutoff man. Run out all batted balls. Learn to bunt…  oh and fire Cashman and Boone.  I know that the last one is a given but it can’t be said too many times.

WHO’S BEHIND THE NJ DRONES? IT IS HIGH - AND ORSON WELLES - OF COURSE!

THE ORSON WELLES CHRISTMAS STORY

BREAKING NEWS, AS WE COME ON THE AIR... 

A Missouri town, terrified by a talking snowman in a top hat!  

Jack Frost is in trouble again, this time for nipping at a nose! 

Cheese balls in schools, are they a threat to our children? 

It’s Christmas Eve, I’m Wolf Blitzen, and this is Frost News.

But first, the world tonight is mourning the death of philanthropist Christopher Foster Kringle, who passed away today at Santadu, his workshop north of Canada. Known for his hiring of migrant elves, Kringle won the 1938 Noel Prize for his work on the annual Christmas Eve Airlift. 

We’ll have more later on the man called “Citizen Kringle,” including his cryptic last words, but first, we take you to Grovers Mill, New Jersey, where Harold Angel is standing by, awaiting the traditional Christmas Eve arrival of Santa. Harold?

Thanks, Wolf. Any moment now, we expect Sleigh One to clatter down on a nearby rooftop, officially launching the night before Christmas. Helpers tell me Santa will read a statement on the death of his mentor, Chris Kringle, and then – wait! – there’s a bright light, up on high. Here comes Santa Claus! Pulled by his amazing team of reindeer, surrounded by - drones? Flashing lights. Wait – no – That’s not a sleigh! It’s a flying saucer! FLYING SAUCERS! NOT OF THIS WORLD! COMING IN FAST! FIRING ON US!  (Cough) THICK CLOUD. (Gasp.) CAN’T BREATHE! RUN, EVERYBODY, RUnghhhh- 

Hark, Harold, HARK!  We’re experiencing technical difficulties. We will return to Grovers Mill as soon as possible. Meanwhile, back to our top story - the death of Christopher Foster Kringle. Correspondent Jake Wrapper has been studying Kringle’s final words and – what? – I’m told we have a special bulletin - we now go to the White House, where George Shopandspendalot is standing by.

Wolf, moments ago, the Pentagon issued the following statement: 

“At 6:32 p.m., Eastern Christmas Time, alien invaders from Mars attacked Earth, enshrouding our planet in a dense, polarizing cloud. As a result, tonight's global airlift from Santa has been canceled. There will be no holiday, no toys, and no joy, whatsoever. Nevertheless, the President is urging Americans to, ‘Remain merry.’” 

George, regarding this cloud… can't somebody guide Santa’s sleigh tonight?

Impossible, Wolf. The weather outside is frightful. 

What's happening in Congress?

I was just there. Not a creature was stirring. 

All through the House?

Not even a mouse.

What about the Senate?

The usual fa-la-la. Frankly, it’s beginning to look a lot like Doomsday. 

Everywhere you go?

Everywhere you go.

Hold on. Joining me now is the owner and CEO of Frost News, Elon Scrooge, the world's richest man. Sir, what can you tell us about this attack?

Wolf, these drones are the latest in a string of Martian attempts to hack Christmas. On Thanksgiving, they sent heavily antlered reindeer to my home, after falsely claiming I used mistletoe to grope Prancer and Vixen. In the recent election, they were caught numerous times in the act of stuffing stockings. Now, this cloud is grounding all flights. We better watch out, because it won’t be Santa going down the chimney tonight. It’ll be Christmas! Bah!  

What can we do?

We can learn to speak Martian. If they’re lucky, kids will get lumps of clean coal, along with Bitcoin. Frankly, it’s for the best that Santa can’t fly, because nobody can afford milk and cookies. This holiday's on ice. 

Thanks, sir, it’s always a pleasure. Joining me again is Jake Wrapper. Jake, it’s hard to list all the reasons we should be terrorized and demoralized. But let’s try: Chris Kringle is dead, Mars has attacked, and we’re stuck in a thick cloud. Can anybody guide Santa’s sleigh tonight? 

No chance, Wolf. It’s one foggy Christmas Eve. Besides, sources tell me Santa’s team of reindeer is rife with name-calling and dissent. One member has even been banned from future reindeer games. 

What about Chris Kringle’s mysterious final words? Could they possibly offer a way to save Christmas?

I don’t know, Wolf. Before he passed, Kringle uttered one cryptic word: “NoseRed.” That’s all. “NoseRed." 

Hm-mm. I wonder what he meant?

The sincere and joyous IT IS HIGH Yank fan Xmas wish list

10. Peace on Earth, good will, you know... whatever...

9. A federal ban on celebrity holiday TV specials.

8. A FBI criminal investigation of NFL franchises in New York City.  

7. A bullpen lefty who can pitch in 70 games.

6. Another starter, because, "pitching, pitching, pitching..."

5. A slick-fielding 1B with power, who bats LH. 

4. An everyday CF who is not Trent Grisham.

3. A Major League 3B. That's all. Any will do. 

2. Chronic IBS for a certain way-too smiley Met RF. 

1. New Yankee owner. Must suffer from arrested development. Must be trillionaire.

Okay, one more

Suddenly found a little holiday cheer. Here's a new one; a story I hope comes true.

(To the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”)

You know Volpe and Austin and Devin and Chisholm
Aaron and Stanton and Garrit and Grisham

But do you recall
The most worthless Yankee of all?

Marcus the Stinky Starter
Has a very shiny smile
But when it comes to pitching
He's not very versatile

All of the Yankees coaches
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Marcus
Play in any playoff games

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Brian came to say
"Marcus, with your smile so bright
You became a Royal tonight"

Then how the GM shoved him
As he pushed him out with glee
"Marcus the Stinky Starter
We're much better off with Fried!"

Golden Oldies

Many years ago, when I was younger and less beaten about the head and neck by life, I wrote some new words to old Christmas songs (inspired at the time by Doug K, no less).

Life since has had its moments, but also too many sad and bad ones. I'm currently not sure I can be "creative" enough to do something new for this year's IIH Holiday Extravaganza. So I dug out those old lyrics, which, except for a fleeting reference to Bryce Harper when he was a free agent (and wanted to be a Yankee, but Cash wasn't interested), have held up.

There was one song based on Larry Rothschild that I've omitted. Too bad, I liked that one, but hey. Gotta go with the times.

(To the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town")

You better not bunt
You better not try
Hit into the shift, I'm telling you why
Brian C is coming to town

With hollowed out eyes
And shiny bald dome
Rappelling rope
And Randy the gnome
Brian C is coming to town

He see when you're in rehab
He knows when you can't hit
He's gonna call your agent up
With a contract not worth spit

So, swing for the fence
And never ask why
Who cares if you whiff
And make the fans cry?
Brian C is coming to town









(To the tune of "Good King Wenceslas")

Good King Hal the Poor looked out
With his chauffeur, Steven
All free agents knew his clout
Though is 'twas uneven

Brightly shone our hopes that night
Though the tax was cru-el
But our good king just sat tight
Laughing at us foo--oo--ls








(To the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")

We wish you a Merry Hot Stove
We wish you a Merry Hot Stove

We wish you a Merry Hot Stove

And a new ring this year

Good signings to you

From Corbin to Bryce

We wish you a Merry Hot Stove

Come on, let's roll the dice

We wish you a Merry Hot Stove
We wish you a Merry Hot Stove

We wish you a Merry Hot Stove
And a twelve dol-lar be-e-e-r

Holiday Drink Recipes

 

It's the Holiday Season and for all too many of us and we know who we are that means drinking. 

2024 was a year that tried both our patience and our collective livers. 

Here are few Yankee themed drink recipes to get the most important season of all off to a good start.

The Flaming Rodon 

3 oz XO Cognac  

Bitters 

A Bic lighter.

Directions:

Pour cognac into glass and add no small amount of bitters.

This drink can be either served hot or cold the first two times you order it. It's up to the bartender so you never know what you're getting. 

Regardless of how the first two go, the third time through your drink order, the Bic lighter comes into play the and the drink gets lit up. 

  

Soto and Soda

One bottle of Captain Morgan’s Spiced 101 proof rum

One 12 Oz can Coca Cola
One 16 Oz Citibank Yankee Souvenir Cup

Directions:
 
Fill the cup to to brim with rum. 
Down in one. 

Note:  Must be "one and done". 
 
Toss the soda can. Just not at a Yankee fielder. He will drop it.
 
This classic Caribbean beverage is guaranteed to give you some of the most fun you’ve had in years. 

The hangover is a bitch. Only you can decide if it was worth it.
 

The Billy Martini
 
12 Oz Vodka
Vermouth
 
Directions: 

Combine Vodka and Vermouth in water glass.
Stir.
Chug.
Punch the person next to you.
 

The Aaron Boone

One shot of one of the following depending on the analytics of the day’s matchup.

Vodka
Gin
Tequila

Plus:

Orange Juice
Frozen Bubble Gum

Directions:

Fill the glass with orange juice. Drink it all.

Add frozen bubble gum to the glass.
Wait for bubble gum to melt down. Do nothing.
Save the shot of alcohol for a different, more important situation later in the holiday season.

The Darryl Strawberry Daiquiri

This delicious drink contains no alcohol which, if you think about it, is a good idea.  

 ENJOY and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

No to Bregman. No to Bellinger. No to everything. Of the current Yankee condition, Paul Simon said it best

You hear what they're saying, and you shudder...

That the Yankees will sign an ex-Astro, a cheater? Or trade prospects for another veteran, past prime? Or stand pat, just stagger into 2025 with gaping holes everywhere and pretend that all is well?  

As Paul Simon - (Yank fan, by the way) - once sang: 

Laugh about it, shout about it,
When you've got to choose,
Every way you look at it, you lose...

Good grief, we're mired into Simon's next iconic line.

Sorry, folks. Christmas is coming, and the days will soon be getting longer, but I just cannot shake the sense that we're heading into a long, dark abyss. 

It's the Soto thing, of course.

Not since 2004, have I felt so beaten, so demoralized. In one move, the Mets flicked the polarity on 40 years of subservience. With each passing day, Juan Soto's time as a Yankee feels more like a dream: We had him, a future plaque in Monument Park, and we let him go.  

To the Mets. To our crosstown rival.   

And now, you read the rumors, and you shudder...

We're going to replace a future Hall of Famer with - gulp - Cody Bellinger? Seriously? This should thrill us? Last year, Bellinger hit 18 HRs, drove in a mere 78, reached base at a sickly .325 clip - nearly 100 points below Soto. Four years ago, over an entire season, he hit .165. We'll trade prospects for him? Or pay his $27 million salary? This is how we'll stay relevant?

Shoot me. This is as dreary as any time since 2004, the year the Redsocks rolled us over. I'd almost prefer we step back, call it a rebuilding year, and play for 2026. But that won't happen. Nope. It's the Curse of Hal: That the Yankees shall always contend, even though - considering the expanded playoff structure - all but the absolute worst teams stay in the race through September. 

Are we really planning to replace Juan Soto with Alex Bregman? With Cody Bellinger? With Your Name Here? The Mets are throwing parties. We're courting Christian Walker? Damn. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner: By our count, you still have $68 million to spend this winter. Don't insult us by poor-mouthing.

Dear Madam or Sir, 

Some cocktail napkin math...

This winter, the Yankees will delete the following 2024 salaries from their payroll: 

Juan Soto, $36 million
Anthony Rizzo, $17 million
Gleyber Torres, $14 million
Alex Verdugo $9 million 
Clay Holmes, $6 million

That comes to - um - $82 million, vanished  from Cashman's abacus. When we note that you offered Soto $50 M for one year - (hey, what's a few mill between chums?) - that puts the grand total at $95 M in Yankee spending... gone. 

Of course, you recently signed Max Fried for $27 M per season. That leaves - humina-humina - $68 million left to spend on next year's team. 

Sixty-eight million dollars. That's at least two more major free agents. 

There is absolutely no cause to drain the farm system in trades. Not for Kyle Tucker (who moved yesterday.) Not for Clay Bellinger's kid. Not for anybody. 

You have $68 million in mad money. That's at least two more major free agents.

Anything less, and you will betray the Yankee fan base worse than Soto did. 

Let's hope one can pitch, because - you know - pitching, pitching, pitching. The other can play OF, 3B or 1B, whatever, as long as he bats LH.

Two more free agents. Now.  

You have a history of responding to embarrassments by signing threesomes. In 2009, after the Yankees missed the playoffs, you signed CC, Tex and AJ Burnett. Four years later, after Joggy Cano walked, you signed Brian McCann, Carlos Beltran and Jacoby Ellsbury. It's time for another triad. 

You cannot trade your way out of this quagmire. In fact, you traded your way INTO it, by dealing for Soto.  

Sixty-eight million. Two more major free agents. 

Soto is gone. The Yankee brand is tarnished, perhaps permanently. NYC is on the brink of becoming a Mets town. Your only way to stay relevant - and to answer Soto's demeaning, cackling arrogance - is by winning the 2025 world series. 

 Two more major free agents. Do not insult us with anything less.