2008 Yankee questions the media is afraid to ask

1. What if Jeet hooks-up?

Our Captain can’t stay a virgin forever. What if some daffy, HGH-breasted supermodel cracks him wide open? Will fans give him the Tony Romo treatment? What happens to his bat? We must expect the worst: Sooner or later, our boy is going to get laid.

2. Did Doug Mientkiewicz use the wrong fork?

To find a cheap 1B, they’re auditioning everybody but Wally Pipp. Meanwhile, The Menkman sits home, el cheapo at the phone, waiting for the call. What’s the deal? Morgan Ensberg? Nathan Lane? Juan Miranda? Jason Giambi? Shelley Duncan? Eric Duncan-Mifflin? Are they kidding us? What did this guy do to be blacklisted?

3. Will Andy skate on the steroids business?

He’ll testify before Congress as poster boy for the Christian Man who done wrong. He's sorry. Won't happen again. But the more Roger Clemens digs in, the uglier it gets. How much of the stink will end up on Pettitte? And remember: Unlike the rest of us, if Andy lies, he goes to Hell.

4. Will the new stadium spook us?

Soon, we start counting down Yankee Stadium's final days. That means planning a big October celebration. We passed on Johan Santana. But when the slugging firstbaseman is on the block at the trade deadline, what will we trade to get him? Phil Hughes had been be pitching well.

5. What happens if George dies?

Stop grimmacing. We're not wishing it. But nobody lives forever. You’d like to think Big Stein is Sean Taylor times 10. If George kicks, the team has one last chance to honor him. Next year, in a new stadium, it would be too late.