TRANSCRIPT OF LAST NIGHT’S YANKEE TEAM MEETING

The Yanks met behind closed doors for 31 minutes.

(Special to IIH, IIF, IIc)

COACH: All right, listenup you frickiazzholes! You stank tonight! You frickin stank! I’m sick of this! Sick and tired! Y’ear me? This will not go on! Do you hear me?

PLAYER 1: Guys, Coach is right. I’m tired of losing. We gotta get focused. We gotta, wait, anybody check out that blond babe in Section 32? Fifth inning? Striped halter?

PLAYER 2: The one with the muy gigundo cholumbes?

PLAYER 3: I took her picture from the on-deck circle. Check it out.

PLAYER 4: Woah, decent resolution. You use a Cannon 580?

PLAYER 3: I donno. I just point and the picture comes up.

PLAYER 4: Cappy, you ever bag her?

PLAYER 5: I donno. Have to check with my p.a. Hey, Skip, how long is this meeting gonna go? I just gotta call from my pool man. The skimmer’s dead.

COACH: I was hoping to go over hit and run -- again? It just broke down last week. You know, my skimmer’s not working right.

PLAYER 6: You're putting too much chemical in the water. The other day, Madonna was telling me how if you don’t check the pH-

PLAYER 2: ‘Madonna was telling me, Madonna was telling me…’ I’m sick and tired of hearing what Madonna is telling you.

PLAYER 6: She’s a classy lady, dammit! She deserves respect.

COACH: Can we get back to the meeting?

PLAYER 6: Yeah, everybody. Coach is talking. Madonna was telling me, there’s nothing worse than trying to concentrate on a bench press, and having your underlings talk.

PLAYER 3: “Madonna was telling me… Madonna was telling me…”

PLAYER 6: I'm gonna tell her what you said. She could rip your face off and show it to you.

PLAYER 7: Coach, I got me a question?

COACH: Good, Melky, go ahead.

PLAYER 7: Can sperm survive in a hot tub?