Kill Me Now

From the Syracuse Chiefs, a press release so toxic that it must be experienced in full:

Presidents To Attend Strasburg's Second Start In Syracuse

Syracuse, NY - The Syracuse Chiefs, triple-A affiliate of the Washington Nationals, announced today that the Nationals' four Racing Presidents will make their way to Alliance Bank Stadium for Stephen Strasburg's second career triple-A start on Wednesday, May 12 when the Chiefs host Norfolk at 7:00pm.


The Presidents Race is a fan favorite at all Nationals home games and features oversized versions of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt. The four inhabitants of Mount Rushmore will greet fans at the main gates before taking the field for a race following the fifth inning of Wednesday's game, according to Chiefs General Manager John Simone.

"We are very excited to welcome the Racing Presidents to Syracuse," said Simone. "Their presence combined with Stephen Strasburg's second start is sure to make Wednesday's game another must-see event."

Washington Nationals Coordinator of Entertainment Tom Davis noted the importance of connecting the Nationals' Minor League affiliates with the big league club.

"Chiefs fans have the privilege of watching future Nats players all year long, but sending the Racing Presidents up to Syracuse for a night is another way to let Chiefs fans experience Nationals baseball," said Davis.

The race is popular among Nats fans for Theodore Roosevelt's repeated failures. Through over 250 races, Roosevelt has yet to cross the finish line first. Abraham Lincoln has been the most frequent winner, with over 125 victories.

"You never know, maybe the change of venues and the Syracuse crowd will help Teddy finally get his first win," said Davis. "Regardless, I'm sure fans will really enjoy the experience in their own ballpark."

Tickets for all remaining Chiefs home games can be purchased in person at the Alliance Bank Stadium ticket office, by calling 474-7833, or online at SyracuseChiefs.com.