Wednesday, August 11, 2010

10 Reasons to Hate the Texas Rangers

1. Launched public career of George W. Bush.

2. Embodiment of oil wealth, but never suffered during Gulf drilling leak.

3. Former owner Tom Hicks owned Clear Channel Communications, which destroyed local radio in America, turning AM stations into right wing tape loops.

4. Gave original insane contracts to A-Rod and Kevin Brown, which distorted salary structures across baseball, even though fans still blamed Yankees.

5. In 1991, with GWB fronting campaign, won $193 million taxpayer-financed stadium. Nearby landowners won court settlements of $20 million, but the Rangers refused to pay.

6. Despite all proclamations of free market capitalism, fell into bankruptcy, due to mismanagement, costing public money.

7. Vengeful former mgr Buck Showalter pulled starters in final game of 2005 season against Angels, ensuring Yankees did not receive homefield advantage in playoffs.

8. Shot John F. Kennedy and got away with it.

9. Kenny Rogers.

10. Was team of notorious steroid abusers: Jose Canseco, Juan Gonzalez, Arod -- while ownership/management looked the other way, and later decried scandal.

3 comments:

Joe said...

hicks fucked up liverpool fc. (i know, it's soccer, but it's my team). lfc is one of the "big 4" in the english league and have turned into a middle of the road team under hicks.

so fuck hicks. and the rangers.
cliff lee in '11!

Anonymous said...

Kevin Brown signed that ridiculous deal with the Dodgers.

And JFK was from Boston, so does that one really count?

Joe De Pastry said...

The Rangers have never won a playoff series.
The Rays will keep that streak alive in the first round this year--or we will.