Paladino on Jeter: "His prowess is legendary."

Carl Paladino, Tea Party candidate for New York strongman, took time out Sunday from denouncing the gay-Muslim-Wall Street-communistic-Nazi axis that controls America and saluted Derek Jeter, saying the Yankee captain could out-sire Andrew Cuomo in a 48-hour sex-nastics marathon, if his fantasy stallions competed in a fair contest -- that is, without reporters -- of manly endurance.

"I hear from certain voices that Jeter's prowess is even more legendary than Cuomo's, and I gotta believe we're talking about the difference between a 48-seat school bus and that plastic weiner that rides around from city to city on top of the Oscar Meyer van. Have you seen that thing? It's sick. Those Meyer goons ever drive that thing into my street in Buffalo, we'll turn the windshield into beach glass, and we'll see if the driver can go marry his gay partner with a brake pedal stuffed up his gas tank."

In the mixed martial arts news conference, Paladino knocked out three reporters, won a split-decision over a feisty, 240-pound anchor lady from Batavia and battled the New York Post's Fred Dicker to a draw, when the shouting match was called due to saliva loss. "My fault," Paladino said."I should have figured the antichrist would bite."