THIS. MUST. NOT. STAND.
And it doesn't have to stand... IF WE FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS.
1. Sign Cliff Lee. Fork over the dough. Send in the hookers. Sign up Reverend Al. Regis. Kelly. Jeet. Mo. Whatever it takes. Everything revolves around this guy.
2. Bid up Crawford and Werth. Put $120 million on each of them. Make Boston sweat. They bidded on Mariano? Make them pay. And if we get one of these guys, fine. If it's Crawford, trade Gardner. If it's Werth, trade Swisher. BID THE MONEY.
3. Put thy faith in Jesus. Let Montero catch. Don't sign a veteran lugnut this winter. We know Jesus can hit. We know he'll be a slugger. He needs a full-scale shot at catching in the majors. If he flubs it, Cervelli and Posada can cover until we find somebody. The Yankees are at the end of a veteran cycle. We need an emerging young star. This is it, folks. This is Him.
4. Find a bullpen lefty. No, I have no names to pitch. That's Cashman's job. But this notion that we dick around for another season with stems and seeds from the left side of the bullpen -- it's pennywise and dollar moronic. Get somebody. Every other team had a lefty to face Granderson. Why do we constantly fail here?
5. Re-sign Kerry Wood. Yeah, he gets injured. So does everybody. And every team in baseball knows he's dicey. Wood was lights out for us last year. He represents our only replacement, if Mariano catches a cold. Why hasn't there been more of a clamoring within the Yankiverse to spend money? We're not running a deficit? George died in 2010, so Hank and Hal could inherit the whole shlameel. Now, they're going to get Bush-era tax cuts extended too. From now on, our mantra should be: SHELL OUT, YOU BASTARDS.
6. Keep the Killer B's. That's Dellin Betances, Manuel Baneulos and Andrew Brackman -- our three stud pitching prospects. Figure two will suck. One might make it. Keep them all. I don't like the idea of other teams picking one from that list, so we can get a utility infielder or a Gavin Floyd.
7. Develop Eduardo Nunez. He's not Jeter's longtime heir apparent, but he might damn well be a better shortstop and a better hitter in 2011-- especially if Jete doesn't bounce back. Forget how much we're playing Jeter; that's money well spent, either way. But his GIDPs killed us last year. If Jete keeps hitting grounders to short, we need Nunez out there at the end of games -- and maybe in the beginning.
8. Cease and desist with all this Joba and Hughes Rules. This is so obvious, it almost doesn't deserve mention. We'll accept that fact that young arms are fragile, and they needed grooming. OK, grooming's over. They are no longer prospects. (But never forget that Joba is only two months older than Brackman, the "untouchable" superprospect.)
9. Keep Andy Pettittte from retiring. Send people to his home. Talk to him. He's got one more year. ONE MORE GOOD YEAR, AND ANDY PETTITTE GOES INTO COOPERSTOWN. You hear? One more good year. But right now, he probably doesn't make it. ONE MORE GOOD YEAR, ANDY.
10. SIGN CLIFF LEE. Everything you've read hinges on this. We don't want to be trading Jesus Montero and Brett Gardner for a Kansas City head case, and bidding on the next Japanese flop. AJ Burnett can have a bounce-back year. Hughes can be effective. But Boston has a better starting rotation -- unless we sign Cliff Lee.
SIGN CLIFF LEE.
THERE'S NO PLAN B.