The Yankees have an ace. His name is Bartolo Colon. And we may need a good lawyer.

World literature is filled with stories of lowly mortals who cut deals with the Fates -- bad deals, I mean, Jay Buhner-for-Ken Phelps level bad deals. Eve trusted the snake. Faust signed on with Mephistopholes. George Bush asked Dick Cheney to head a VP search committee. We signed Alphonso to a no-trade contract.

Well, we sure don't know WTF Bartolo Colon traded away to turn his Wayback Machine to 2004, and guess what: We don't care. It was worth it. If this is a musical, it's "Damn Redsocks," and we're the hacking, long-suffering Yankee fan who just traded his soul for a hypodermic filled with Roy Halladay's stem cells. Not a problem. We're singing, "Whatever Bartola wants, Bartola gets..." We say, don't ask, don't tell. Ride with it. And this is the news of May 31, 2011.

Bartolo Colon is the Yankees ace, hands down.

When CC or AJ throws two out of three scoreless games -- 8 innings against Baltimore and 9 against Oakland -- well, then they can be the ace. Bartolo is it.

Now... all we need is a good cosmic lawyer, somebody who knows soul law. I'm thinking William Kunstler. Is he dead?