Yankeerophesy: The next six weeks without Arod

Week One: Crackerjack jack-of-of-all-trades Eduardo Nunez goes 3-16, plagued by sloppy footwork, channels Chuck Knoblauch and hits Keith Olbermann's mom sitting in the box seats with errant throw. Yankiverse demands change.

Week Two: Prospect Brandon Laird, promoted from the coal mines of Scranton and Wilkes Bare, goes 3-16 and angrily assaults fan who mistakenly calls him "Jesus Montero." Yankiverse unhappy.

Week Three: Aging vet Melvin Mora, obtained in trade for Brandon Laird, goes 0-16 and tweaks groin, lost for season.

Week Four: Supersub veteran Eric Chavez, finally heeled from his ingrown broken toe, hits for the cycle and goes 5-5 in return; unfortunately, while touching home plate on his homerun, his toe shatters into 40 pieces. He retires.

Week Five: Frustrated Joe Girardi moves catcher Russell Martin to thirdbase, with the Yankees promoting superprospect Jesus Montero up from Triple A. Montero goes 3-16, cannot hold baserunners and suffers derisive chants of "Brandon Laird," who is the AL Player of the Month for Baltimore.

Week Six: Out of options, Yanks coax out of retirement Aaron Boone, who promptly beats Boston with a homerun off Tim Wakefield, then wrecks knee in game of basketball. No problem. Arod returns, and Yankees are in first.