Mad Men: The Yankee Episode

“Welcome to the Sterling-Waldman Agency. This is Donald Draper, our top creative mind. Don, meet my friend George Steinbrenner. He’s just in from Ohio, hoping to see ‘Brigadoon.’”

“Hello, George. We hear great things about your dad’s shipbuilding business.”

"Thanks, Don. And I love your work on the Yankees’ brand image.”

"We’re quite proud of that campaign. Hey, Joan, come here and show Mr. Steinbrenner the latest mock-ups for the Bombers’ account. George, this is Joan Holloway.”

“Wow. I must say, Miss Holloway, these Bombers of yours are spectacular!”

“Frankly, George, they need to be. It’s part of the Yankee mystique. Ask yourself:  What does a normal fan think of when he sees the Yankees? He sees Mickey Mantle. He sees Roger Maris. He sees power throughout the lineup. He sees the one team that always delivers, always dominates, always wins! And when the Yankees are in first, he says, ‘America is strong, I am safe from communism, and, boy, do I have an erection!’”

“Don, you’re right.”

"That fan may have nothing. No money. No job. He's overweight. His wife is cheating on him. But when the Yankees take the field, he’s a millionaire. He’s the boss."

“You’re right, Don. Say, who is that fellow that just staggered by? He looks a bit potted.”

“Oh, that’s Roger Sterling, a partner. He just had lunch with Billy Martin. His son, John, writes homerun jingles. George, we have plans. We envision Yankee candles, a Yankee TV network and a Yankee nuclear power plant, preferably right here in Manhattan. We see star players at every position, dating actresses and supermodels, with an occasional wife-swapping. We’re even thinking of a fake rivalry with Boston – you know, like Coke and Royal Crown Cola - where the Yankees win for 40 years in exchange for suffering the worst collapse in baseball history!”

"Don, there's nothing like that in Cleveland.”

"We envision a line of Yankee products. Like Yogi Beera -- ‘Déjà Brew all over again… You ain’t tispy ‘till you’re tipsy.’ And Whitey Ford Bleach, with the tagline: ‘No reds run on Whitey!’”

That’s brilliant.”

“We call it ‘Yankee ingenuity.’ But we need a central character. He needs to be bombastic, overbearing, practically a child himself. Right now, we have no one person who can link the players to the fans. 

“Don, I’m tired of Cleveland. I want to do more in life than build ships. I want to do something that matters. I can be your man.”

"George, I don’t know. Have you thought of the Mets? Right now, there are no openings. The Yankees are entering a golden era. Young stars like Horace Clarke and Roger Repoz will make everyone forget Mantle and Maris. Next month, when those Yankee bats tear into the Dodgers, I sure would hate to be Sandy Koufax."