Sunday, September 23, 2012

Stadium juju sexytime streak now at seven for Bronx Boinkers

Murderer's Row. Mantle and Maris. Reggie and Catfish. Donny Baseball.

And now... the Restroom Rompers.

Seven and oh, baby. Seven and... ohhhhhhhhh.

Yesterday, somehow - don't ask me how - the Yankees survived Freddy Garcia, Ivan Nova and Misstep Melky Mesa, keeping alive the Streak o' the Sugar Stall and keeping their own heads above the rim. Jiggle the handle, everybody. The Uh-Ohs remain a game up on the O's.

What happened? Well, one week ago, two courageous copulators raised their Yankee fanhood to unprecedented levels, birthing the first-ever Kanye/Kim-style sex video at the new Yankee Stadium. Good grief, it's amazing to think that, after three years, the place still had its virginity.

After yesterday, there is no doubt that this power couple penetrated not only each other, but the upper-atmospheric Higgs-Electro-Rizzutonic layer, a basic quasar-reflection grid which engulfs most of the Eastern latitudes on days when the beta-melk particle frequencies are running below .218. Look, I try not to get Hadron on this blog - I leave the heavy stuff for pay-per-view - so let me put it in Yankee terms we all can understand: We Bernied up and Reggied 'em.

Don't ask how, unless your slide-rule is handy.

We are seven and ooooooooooooh yeah. That is Cat-4, Number-One-with-a-Bullet, prime cut Juju! Touch third, Melky! And let's play two!


coolnewyorker said...

Thanks el duque for this antidote to all the yellow journalism YB has been passing along from scandalmongering low life sources.

It's pennant race at its gut-wrenching best. Down with anti-climactic Soriano's opting out, Cano's PED and Jete's whatever(can't even mention it).

I call for the Bronx Boinkers to out themselves. Bleacher creatures?

Anonymous said...

Ya know, this makes perfect sense. When those two homos got caught humping is St Patricks, the priest sex abuse scandal really quieted down too. Does this mean Theo should fuck a goat?