Happy Thanksgiving, everybody

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody

Saturday, September 1, 2012

HIT THE ASTRAL PLANE, GATHER YOUR STONES, IT IS TIME FOR AN INTERNATIONAL JUJU INTERVENTION

Fellow soldiers of misfortune, trustees of truth, vendors of light and keepers of the watch... the time is nigh.

It was hard to imagine any lineup featuring the great Jayson Nix as DH being shut-out, but today, this is the new Yankiverse reality: Our team is officially hapless, a putrid national punch line akin to the Boston Redsocks and America's war on drugs. If this collapse continues, we will soon be begging the Dodgers to take our fallen stars. Somehow, those crazy walleyed ancient Mayans nailed it: The world will end in 2012.

As protectors of the Yankee realm, we cannot go Lazy-Boy and simply turn the channel to Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo, while our heroes - men we welcomed into our cars and parlors - are shredded like old phone books into animal bedding. No! We must act!

We must mobilize! In the second inning of today's game, charge your TV or listening device! Isolate all your anger, your hope, you juju fury, into one cataclysmic Rizzuton Wave... and we will rescue the Yankees and save ourselves! Dammot, I am not kidding!

On May 21, we conducted our first Internation Juju Intervention (IJI). The Yankees went 20-4. Goddammit. Look.  It.   Up.

On Aug. 31, we launched the second IJI. Gyadammot, by the Hoary Hosts of Hughes, I am not lying. The Yankees went 10-3. See for yourself, cynics!
Today, we must strike again. The Yankees are Timmy. They have fallen in the well. We are Lassie. We need to lower a rope with our forepaws and then pull them out with our teeth. Dammot. We need you. That's right... you! In the bottom of the second inning, attack your TV, your radio, your monitoring device, or the very cosmos in which we inhabit.



Friends... let's be real. This might not work. How many times can we go to the well? But I assure you this... IT IS OUR ONLY CHANCE. It is now or never. We, as fans, cannot go gently into this wild card race.

JUJU, TODAY. GIVE EM HELL, COMRADES.

IF WE GO DOWN, WE GO DOWN FIGHTING.

AND FANS OF OTHER UNIVERSES WILL SAY, DAMMOT, THIS WAS THEIR FINEST HOUR.

FIGHT! JUJU! O-DIINNNNNNNNN!

4 comments:

Alphonso said...

We must do this.

I fear, however, as projected for a likely QE3 ( see Ben Bernanke), the impact will be less and last a shorter period of time than our first two interventions.

Nonetheless........I'm ready.

Bottom of second or top?

Celerino Sanchez said...

I summon the spirits of the great Yankees of the past. Jerry Kenney -rise! Ross Moschito -rise! Shane Spencer and Jim Spencer -rise! Harness the Yankee juju and crush the Showalter demons....

bennyboy said...

We need to promise to hold Ju-ju interest rates low for the rest of the year to calm Ju-ju markets. And we should ban short-selling of ju-ju by evil speculators.

So we won, but Grandy is hurt. What's the scientific conclusion we can come to? Perhaps once the strategic ju-ju reserves are depleted, negative ju-ju counter-balances the positive ju-ju. Or maybe, like quantitative easing, a price is eventually paid for ju-ju printing: namely, inflation due to currency devaluation, which comes in the form of injuries as a result of ju-ju devaluation.

Thoughts?

el duque said...

Here's a thought:

We are 1-0 since the Intervention.

You can't think when pouring juju. It's called cheering unconscious. It's how you win ballgames.