BUY MY BOOK: BARD OF THE DEAL: THE POETRY OF DONALD TRUMP
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Posted by el duque at 7:43 AM
It was hard to imagine any lineup featuring the great Jayson Nix as DH being shut-out, but today, this is the new Yankiverse reality: Our team is officially hapless, a putrid national punch line akin to the Boston Redsocks and America's war on drugs. If this collapse continues, we will soon be begging the Dodgers to take our fallen stars. Somehow, those crazy walleyed ancient Mayans nailed it: The world will end in 2012.
As protectors of the Yankee realm, we cannot go Lazy-Boy and simply turn the channel to Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo, while our heroes - men we welcomed into our cars and parlors - are shredded like old phone books into animal bedding. No! We must act!
We must mobilize! In the second inning of today's game, charge your TV or listening device! Isolate all your anger, your hope, you juju fury, into one cataclysmic Rizzuton Wave... and we will rescue the Yankees and save ourselves! Dammot, I am not kidding!
On May 21, we conducted our first Internation Juju Intervention (IJI). The Yankees went 20-4. Goddammit. Look. It. Up.
On Aug. 31, we launched the second IJI. Gyadammot, by the Hoary Hosts of Hughes, I am not lying. The Yankees went 10-3. See for yourself, cynics!
Friends... let's be real. This might not work. How many times can we go to the well? But I assure you this... IT IS OUR ONLY CHANCE. It is now or never. We, as fans, cannot go gently into this wild card race.
JUJU, TODAY. GIVE EM HELL, COMRADES.
IF WE GO DOWN, WE GO DOWN FIGHTING.
AND FANS OF OTHER UNIVERSES WILL SAY, DAMMOT, THIS WAS THEIR FINEST HOUR.
FIGHT! JUJU! O-DIINNNNNNNNN!