Virtual Off-Day: Nothing Happened! Stocks Start to Wobble! But Just Wobble!

In virtual baseball today, the 94-45 Yankees took flight track to Baltimore, to start their stretch run against the Orioles.

In keeping with the old-timey means of transportation, en route back to the Babe's hometown, Aaron Judge dangled Ma Boone by his ankles from the back of the last Amtrak car, to the delight of photographers, and Aaron Hicks dashed through the aisles smashing in the straw hats of every passenger who wore one, just like the Babe used to do.

(Hicks actually found no passenger wearing a straw boater, but had to go to the IL anyway, with a strained fist.)

Back in New York, meanwhile, concerned investors crowded Wall Street as "the Russian Bear" market ran amok.  Discovering the fraudulent nature of so many of their investments with potemkin Russian companies, thousands of "plungers" demanded an investigation.

"What, what're they so worried about?"  President Trump tweeted in response.  "It's not real, it's only figures on a page.  That's what I always told myself when I was building my business empire, and look where it got me!"

The sharp drop in stocks upped unpopular candidate Joe Biden's poll numbers to 22 percent.  Thousands of Bernie Sanders supporters, however, vowed never to vote for Biden, just as they had not voted for Sanders in the primaries.