Friday, December 23, 2022

Dear Mr. Hal: Wanna raise a little hell with your crosstown rivalry? Sign Michael Conforto

Dear Mr. Hal, 

They're on to you. 


Everybody knows the problem. 

Left field. 

It's a sinkhole. Aaron Hicks won't work. Oswaldo Cabrera is a stretch. The way you treated Estevan Florial, forget it. The Pirates will demand too much for Brian Reynolds. Arizona hates the Yankees; they won't barter in good faith.

Nope. You're in a corner. So... how about doing something, well, crazy?

Wanna raise a little hell? Wanna piss in the Mets punchbowl? Wanna wipe that grin off Steve Cohen's face? He thinks he owns New York. Let's fuck him up.

Sign Michael Conforto. 

That'll do it. Let Cohen stew over the outside chance that, for all the money he's shat out over the last month, the big one got away. It's delicious. 

Sign Michael Conforto.

Yes, it's a gamble. Of course, it's a stretch. Conforto didn't play last year, he'll turn 30 soon, and he hit .232 in his last full season. But he bats LH, he'll field the position, he's been a Met all his life, he was their first-round pick, and if he's in Pinstripes, every psycho Met fan will sweat an oyster before gushing about their super team lineup. 

Sign Michael Conforto. 

Listen, sir... 

Over the next few years, for the Yankees to win a championship, there is a very high likelihood you will need to win a Subway Series. What greater redemption drama than sending into the fray a former Met rising star? 

It needs to happen.  

Sign Michael Conforto. 

You can still look for left fielders. If Conforto fails, by mid June, there will be outfielders on the market. 

Let's stir the pot.  Sign Michael Conforto.

16 comments:

JM said...

Chili con carne, Michael Conforto. Whatever. I can live with the Oz. He'll only get better defensively and will doubtless exceed .232. Besides, he's named Oswaldo.

JM said...

It's all moot. He went to the Giants.

AboveAverage said...

Remember, JM - The Giants are only a temporary stop for all freshly signed players on their way to their final destination: NY!

So just give it a few days……

edb said...

Too late, the Giants were stupid enough to give him 36 million over two years. The Mets would not care. Conforto is not that good. The Yankees are heavily in on Bryan Reynolds. Let's see if they can get it done.

JM said...

Tweet from @ByRobertMurray: Source: Free-agent infielder Wilmer Difo is in agreement on a contract with the New York Yankees. Difo, 30, is on a split deal that will pay him $1.2 million if he’s in the majors.

Who? And why?

Doug K. said...

I read that Pittsburgh wants MLB ready pitching for Reynolds. How about Montas? He's our number 5 and pitched well in a small market

Then use Gleyber to get a new number 5 from somewhere else.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Wow. Conforto getting more than one year? That IS crazy.

Doug K. said...

JM -

I hope Difo makes the big club and then goes into the clubhouse and locks the team out so someone can pound on the door and go "Willllllllllmer."

That's worth the bucks right there.

Doctor T said...

Conforto? Meh... Maybe on a 'show me' contract. But I'm not excited. Ok bat/no glove. Reynolds? Forget it. He's also good bat/no glove and the Pirates don't just want all the best prospects, they want the tractor, the barn and my lovely daughter too.

I realize the pickings for outfielders are woefully thin this winter. I fear the best option may be Oswaldo, backed up by the tuneful stylings of Stanton and Hicks. Not a great plan, I'll admit. But Stanton and Hicks aren't going anywhere and Cabrera played his tail off last fall.

Hope springs eternal.

BTR999 said...

It seems to me that PGH prefers to keep Reynolds, that's why the ask is so high.
Dont worry, we'll get a 4th rate replacement somewhere

Doug K. said...

Just looked at the "Similar Batters" for Bryan Reynolds

Similar Batters
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. (968.3)
Rocco Baldelli (954.4)
Jesse Winker (954.3)
Jim Greengrass (947.7)
Tyler Naquin (940.8)
Johnny Rizzo (940.4)
Bubba Trammell (938.0)
Pedro Munoz (936.6)
Kyle Tucker (935.8)
Alex Verdugo (935.1)

So uh, no. Give up no one. Move on. Nothing to see here.

The Archangel said...

Doug K,
YabaDaba Doo.

The modern Stone Age family.

The Archangel said...

Not to worry.
We snuck in and signed our LF while everyone was talking about Reynolds.
Wilmer Difo.

A switch hitter that checks all the boxes- has played about 30 innings of LF and will be 30 as of 4/2/23.

Unless Bubba Trammell is still available

Mildred Lopez said...


Oof. Blue Jays just gave up their #1 prospect, a catcher, and Gurriel Jr. for that guy Varsho from Arizona. Reynolds price just went through the roof.

DickAllen said...

BUT…BUT…BUT…

You all missed JM’s bulletin about The Interns newest stealth aquisition:

“The Yankees added some infield depth on Friday when they agreed to a minor-league deal with Wilmer Difo!”

The One, The Only Wilber Difo!!

How does he pull off these major moves right under our very noses!!

DickAllen said...

At least the archangel took note!

What a deal!