By starting Clay Holmes on opening day, the Mets are looking to humiliate the Yankees

Hunker down, kids. Get away from the windows. Hide under your desks. 

In their opening day lineup, the Mets will be sending us several terrifying messages:

1. We have more money than you. 

Obviously, this relates to the presence of Juan Soto, whose staggering wealth will factor into every plate appearance, base hit, botched fly and grinning yawn. He is the Musk of baseball, the richest player on the planet, and every move will be criticized or cheered. That's why Steven Cohen shelled out the money. He bought the expectations, the curiosity, the looming pressure - not merely to win, but to humiliate his crosstown rival.

Beginning next week, Soto will start drawing unparalleled attention. But the message will run long range. He'll be raking money for the next 15 years, until he's either a shoe-in for Cooperstown or the name assigned to a curse. 

But on opening day, fair or not, Soto will serve to remind everyone that the Yankees employ thugs, and their owner would not give up a luxury box.     

2. We're smarter than you. 

This pertains to Clay Holmes, who has been designated opening day starter. Holmes has looked good lately: A team-leading 14 innings, just two earned runs, and 15 strikeouts. His ERA is 1.29, best on the rotation. 

That's right. Rotation. The Mets made a bold decision, switching  a career bullpen lug nut into the starting five. If it works, they will look ever brainier, especially as the Yankees are countering with - gulp - Carlos Carrasco. If Holmes succeeds, he will become a symbol of what the Yankees overlooked. 

Ahem... one little thing: Holmes pitched 63 innings last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. (In 2021, when he was dealt to the Yankees, he threw 70 innings.) The guy is 31. By June 1, he'll have thrown more innings than any season in his career.  You gotta wonder...

Maybe the Mets have pulled off one of baseball's greatest extractions, rescuing Holmes from the Yankees and letting him start. Or maybe they'll chew him up. It's a grand experiment. 

Honestly, Yank fans should wish him well. The guy always answered the bell, even when his tank was empty, and he was serving up tee shots. The Yankees could have kept him. They didn't want to spend the money.

3. We still have longer beards than you. 

This year, at last, the Yankees can compete in the category of facial hair art. The shag ban has ended, and our players can now wear "well groomed beards," according to the new policy. Don't expect ZZ Top. The Yankee chins will still be playing catch-up.  

4. We're more New Yorky than you.

Actually, I'm not sure on this. If the Mets had kept Harrison Bader - now a Twin - they would certainly be NYC's hometown franchise. They have homegrown stars - Pete Alonzo, Jeff McNeil and Brandon Nimmo -plus Francisco Lindor, born in Puerto Rico, the lost borough.  

As for the Yankees, well, by losing Gerrit Cole to surgery, we have lost one of the great feel-good narratives of modern times: the boy who grew up to lead his beloved team to a championship. Right now, that fairy tale looks doomed - almost cringy, considering Cole's last image, pointing to the base he didn't cover. When Cole returns in the fall of 2026, who knows where we will be, and what he'll will have left. 

Likewise, our other hometown hero, Anthony Volpe, will either hit this season or be an endangered species. 

What we will always have is Aaron Judge, who draws a straight line to Roger Maris and Babe Ruth. If Judge stays healthy, the Yankees will continue to have NY's brightest star - better than Ohtani, by the way - and maybe, just maybe, the Mets will still be the Mets.