The IT IS HIGH A.I. BOONIE CHATBOT explains what happened last night

"Well, by golly, those late innings were certainly gut punches. I mean, you're in a tight game, up for grabs, down by two, nip and tuck, up and down, surf and turf, inky-blinky, higgety-piggety, and then things sorta unraveled, in a way you just don’t see very often. I mean, our bullpen has been solid all year, but I guess you'd have to say they just couldn’t get it done, and they'd be the first to tell you that. Wait. I'm sitting on a tack. Who Ed Whitsoned my chair?

"So, where was I? Rody gave us a chance. Six strong innings, kept us in it. You gotta like that. And I do. But you know, we just didn’t back him up. Offensively, we’ve got to do more. I can tell you that, in this league, one run just isn't gonna cut it, especially when the other side scores eleven. Jesus H. Christ, who thumb-tacked my bunster?

So, all in all, you gotta tip your cap to Detroit. They put together some good at-bats, found holes, and took advantage of every mistake. And from our side, the mistakes are not acceptable. We’ve gotta be better. We’ve gotta execute pitches, to make plays, and keep the game in front of us, full-frontal, boob city, va va voom, Bob's-yer-uncle! That's Chinatown, Jake. And we will. But last night, we didn't. I mean, make no mistake: That was a loss. And that loss is on us. We’ve gotta own it. We've gotta hang it on the wall, gotta set it at the dinner table, and then we gotta flush it down the Jimminy spigot. Gotta learn from it, gotta get some good swings, gotta stick to the plan, and gotta come up with the plan. That’s what we gotta do, and we will, because we gotta." 

Seventeen games left. 

The wheels are falling off.