The winter of 2027 is fast approaching, and in this super-polarized world of politics, religion and culture, everyone seems to strangely agree on one sure thing.
Major Legue Baseball is about to get hit by the asteriod.
Next year, around now, the owners will padlock their taxpayer-funded facilities, shut down the game, and go out night-clubbing.
Now, I've nothing against Hal Steinbrenner and Stevie Cohen donning sequined disco flairs and shaking their booties into stupors of Donna Summers and Gloria Gaynor. We'd all be happier if every MLB owner - and certain players - ditched baseball for nonstop KC and the Sunshine Band raves for the rest of their days. I am strangely sustained by the image of Randy Levine in a skintight, John Travolta sharkskin, girating to a mirror ball reflection from Rudy Giuliani's high-beam front teeth, leading our way to The Abyss. And that's no jive talkin.'
Everyone agrees: Next November, an asteriod the size of Wrigley Field is going to hit Commissioner Rob Manfred square in his cabbage roll, shutting down the National Pastime for an entire season, if not longer.
We probably won't see baseball in 2027. Maybe 2028, too. (U.S. politics is giving us a clear view of what's going to happen.) The owners will dig in. The players will dig in. Both have more money than you or I will make in our lifetimes. And it's not enough. They want more.
When the union contract ends, so will baseball.
On that note, I ask one question:
Why wait?
Seriously. If next winter is going to foster a lockout, why go about business as usual? If NASA tomorrow announced that an astroid the size of Trump's ego was going to hit Earth, would we not stock up on Labatts and drink up the time we have left? If the asteroid is coming, why delay the next installment of K Pop Demon Hunters? Bring it now!
I have several items on my personal bucket list:
1. See Springsteen once more. (Note: This must be in a smaller venu, not a domed stadium.)
2. Watch the NY Giants win a Super Bowl. (Note: I've given up.)
3. Watch the Yankees win a world series. (Note: I've sorta given up.)
4. Piss on a certain politicians' grave. (Note: I will get shot, attempting this.)
Listenup, assholes...
If you're going to shut down baseball, do it now.
Spare us another Dodgers' championship, built from cooking the books.
If you're really going to kill the game - if you're really that stupid - go ahead. Do it now. I dare you.
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12 comments:
Yep, and I raise that dare to a double dog dare. Let's get it started. Why wait?
And if it helps us avoid keeping Chisholm and Wells and Volpe, hurry it up, already.
Great points, Duque! And much as I might feel a little bad about, say, Judge (a little, that is) and his lifetime stats...yes. Apocalypse now.
As it is, the game we love is steadily less enjoyable, less sustainable, and less accessible. It needs a restart...
...Exactly how this will come about—I dunno. MLB might well try to start a scab league; if so, count me out.
The players, right now, have infinitely more money than they did when they started the Players' League in 1890—but nobody with the vision of John Montgomery Ward, their leader at the time...
One key factor: exactly what the contracts say that MLB has with the various cities it has extorted so many subsidized stadiums from. Are they required to play a team under said contracts? If they are, and don't, can the cities reclaim those ballparks? And then what?
But yes, I say do it now. Instead, everybody will tread carefully in the free-agent and trade markets, and hope something gets worked out.
How exciting.
Important question: will minor league baseball be included in the lockout?
If not, it may well kill the game for an extended period. Like maybe all the way until Ca$hole is fired.
A new league would be the traditional way to deal with this.
Silver lining, Ca$hole autocompletes on my phone.
Start something on the cheap, make it better - more fun, the old rules - make it inexpensive and appealing - and bypass the whole bloated system. Baseball has become more like the modern commercial internet - WE are the product, not the customer. They just keep harvesting us. SOYLENT AL GREEN
El D, Gotta have one more year of usurious profits before nap time.
And to take Hoss's idea further, why not have municipalities sue the bastards for loss of local revenue caused by their inactions?
All concerned should take note of a new variable not present in previous labor squabbles. Banana Ball. If MLB goes away in summer 2027, it will get a very rude shock. A vanishing few will miss it.
Tatsuya Imai will be a Dodger...
The salary cap is going to be a huge issue. The Dodgers will be affected the most...
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