It's not Judge, Gio or Jazz. Within the Yankiverse, everything swirls around Ben Rice, and the juju gods of product endorsements are starting to take notice

 O, to be Ben Rice! 

Perched nightly in the geological and spiritual center of the Yankiverse - that is, two hitters behind Judge & Belli, and two ahead of Gio & Jazz -between Scylla and Charybdis, the Yankees' Strait of Hormuz. 

Last year, that fivesome hit 163 HRs, of which Rice contributed 26, which was, fun fact, his age.

Thus far in '26, every time he steps to the plate, something is cooking - and it's not necessarily rice. Often, the pitcher is peeing himself from having survived the game's greatest hitter and one of its cagiest. (Imagine, a batter who chokes up with two strikes.) Or it's not urine at all. He's halfway through the carwash, scrambling to plug the spray.

Rice may be the first Yankee-grown star whose entrance to the NYC pressure cookier was rescued by the newfangled stat of exit velo - that is, by miles per hour, rather than outcome per at-bat. He hasn't as Wee Williie once said, "hit 'em where dey aint." Nope. He hit 'em where dey is - often at a well-placed 2B or RF, that is, unless the ball leaves the park. Cuz dey aint in the bleachers.

Yesterday, in the win over Seattle, Rice went 2-3 with HR and a walk. Thus far, he's hit in every game. Woopie-doo. It's fucking April 2, fer kricesake. The YES team, famously known to gaslight young stars, has gushed over Rice's improved defense at 1B. But, honestly, it's not Micheal Kay blather. The guy has put in the work. He's made himself a legit 1B. 

And now, his future has been blessed - or at least acknowledged - by the juju gods of product endorsement. Rice has signed the most perfect sponsorship deal since George Herman gulped down his first Baby Ruth. He's endorsing Ben's Original Rice, which - ironically? or mockingly? - is owned by the Mars food company, which must surely be aware of Jasson Dominguez. You have to wonder: Could The Martian, at 23, exactly where Rice was four years ago, someday get a Mars Bar?

And why stop there? Surely, other Yanks deserve product endorsements. 

Max Fried Chicken. 
Ryan AccuWeathers
Jake Angry Bird
Paul Gold Bon Skin Lotion Goldschmidt
Elmer's Glue Rodriguez 

(Yikes. That bit sure ran too long. Should've quit after Fried.) But - wait, back to the Yankees - down in Scranton, The Martian homered yesterday! His first of the season. (He's 5-for-17, hitting .294.) He's no Paul Blair, in fact, he spectacularly blew a fly ball in game one, a video that went viral. But we cannot give up. In spring training, the guy hit .347 with 4 HRs. He was right up there with Spencer Gifts Jones (Wait... is Spencer Gifts still a thing?) who - sadly - struck out four times yesterday for Scranton. (Ugh. So much for that fantasy.) 

Last week, we put Ben Rice's HR total as a tie-breaker for the 2026 IT IS  HIGH predictions contest. That's because, until further notice, he sits in the center of the Yaniverse. So, have a dish of Long Grain! O, to be Ben Rice.