Super '27 Redsocks lose home field advantage in World Series

After last night's bizarre venture into the rudderless mind of Tim McCarver, the Battlin' Beantown Nation wakes up today knowing it shall not open the 2011 World Series in Fenway. Of course, on the bright side, the Matt Damon side, Boston will be home when they complete the four game sweep.

And whom can they thank? As usual, Brian Cashman! He traded National League winning pitcher Tyler "The Yankee" Clippard to Washington for Jonathan "The Jessica" Albaladejo, straight-up, like swapping an Eddie Rabbit CD for a Springsteen vinyl in a Ramada parking lot Sunday morning flea market. Oh well. The scouting gods giveth and taketh away. We did sign Bartolo Colon for a bucket of fried chicken, and the Bartman has far-exceeded his "sell-by" date. We cannot complain forever.

UPDATE: On second reflection, we're Yankee fans. We CAN complain forever.

But back to the plight of the Superteam. They must now beat Doc Halladay and Cliff Lee in Philadelphia - unless of course, the Mets win it. Wait I - Hahahahahahhaha. I'm sorry. Sometimes writing humor, you cannot hahahahaha help yourself.

UPDATE: Hahahahahahaha. OK, I'm done. Let's figure Boston throws Glenn Beck in game one and Lester Bangs in the followup. That leaves Elbow Macaroni Lackey to start game three at Fenway. Also, that will be Big Papi's first game, having no DH in Philadelphia, so MLB will have waited to spotlight his props - kids, I mean, kids -  (Awww, weren't they cute? I figured if he had a girl, she'd be shaped like a melon with  a less conservatively trimmed beard, but hey, she's worth $10 million, so I say, close your eyes and think of the yacht, male suitors.)

As for the loss, let's just be glad Derek Jeter didn't have to sit through it. Let's face it. He was celebrating his 3,000th something else, a pinacle heretofore only achieved by the likes of Wilt Chamberlain and maybe Charlie Sheen. And whom do we have to blame? Cashman, of course. (Good grief: I just reread this. I'm rambling like Tim McCarver. Where was I? Oh yes, why do they want to take away our rights to buy old lightbulbs? Can't somebody do something...!)

Why do I get the feeling that Jeter will have the best All-Star night of any Yankee?

Igawa re-snubbed: Eduardo Nunez elected IT IS HIGH JUNE YANKEE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

Congratulations, Nuni.

He won the runoff election, defeating perennial also-ran contender Kei Igawa, and inheriting the dreaded IIHIIFIIc curse, which claimed his predecesor, Bartolo Colon.

For the next four to six weeks, he will be called upon to replace Alex Rodriguez.

The next month is on you, Yankiverse.

Yankeerophesy: The next six weeks without Arod

Week One: Crackerjack jack-of-of-all-trades Eduardo Nunez goes 3-16, plagued by sloppy footwork, channels Chuck Knoblauch and hits Keith Olbermann's mom sitting in the box seats with errant throw. Yankiverse demands change.

Week Two: Prospect Brandon Laird, promoted from the coal mines of Scranton and Wilkes Bare, goes 3-16 and angrily assaults fan who mistakenly calls him "Jesus Montero." Yankiverse unhappy.

Week Three: Aging vet Melvin Mora, obtained in trade for Brandon Laird, goes 0-16 and tweaks groin, lost for season.

Week Four: Supersub veteran Eric Chavez, finally heeled from his ingrown broken toe, hits for the cycle and goes 5-5 in return; unfortunately, while touching home plate on his homerun, his toe shatters into 40 pieces. He retires.

Week Five: Frustrated Joe Girardi moves catcher Russell Martin to thirdbase, with the Yankees promoting superprospect Jesus Montero up from Triple A. Montero goes 3-16, cannot hold baserunners and suffers derisive chants of "Brandon Laird," who is the AL Player of the Month for Baltimore.

Week Six: Out of options, Yanks coax out of retirement Aaron Boone, who promptly beats Boston with a homerun off Tim Wakefield, then wrecks knee in game of basketball. No problem. Arod returns, and Yankees are in first.

Brian Cashman Is Right, Alex Is Wrong

Hey laaaaaadies ...

Jose's just looking for a 'holesome' midwest girl.

How sweet.

I think.

News from Yankee Country North: Christian Lopez attended St. Lawrence University

That's right. The real Canton. The one between Richville and Norwood. The St. Lawrence County seat.

Not only that, but Christian Lopez met his girlfriend there. They partied in the Java Barn, cheered in the Black Box, groped between goals in the big annual hockey game against Clarkson, made snow angels on Mothers Day, froze their frikin toes off walking to class: A missing leg is practically an SLU diploma!

Thus, Christian Lopez replaces the tie between Kirk Douglas and Viggo Mortensen as Secondmost Important Alumnus of St. Lawrence University... after Grace Potter (minus the Nocturnals) pictured at right on wooden prosethics, after losing both legs to frostbite.

Congratulations, Christian!

Yankeetorial: Christian Lopez has revealed the unappreciated goodness of Yankee fans everywhere

We've heard their endless catcalls, endured their foul spit-showers of hate. "Fatcats!" they call us. "Bullies!" "Traffickers in human flesh!"

"Yankee fans..."

It's part of our life. It represents our burden. To stand atop Everest, one must suffer the bad breath of sherpas. To conquer new worlds, (Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, Aristotle  -- Yankee fans), one must first dismiss the braying, naying, prayers of non-paying, dream-slaying naysayers. If you can't take the bleats, get out of Cleveland.

Today, once again, the world has glimpsed the boundless compassion and unmistakable charity of all Yankee fans, in the work of Christian Lopez (not to be confused with former Yankee prospect Christian Garcia, now throwing softballs at dunking clowns.)

Mr. Lopez caught Derek Jeter's 600th homerun - wait, is that right? - and instead of selling it on the open market for enough money to receive telemarketing calls from Fred Wilpon, he gave it to charity.

Yes, he gave it to Jeter, saying, and I quote: "On behalf of Yankee fans, the highest form of being known to humanity, I cannot accept this gift that has fallen from heaven; therefore, in the name of New York City, America and God, I hereby bestow upon our Captain this ball and magical token that shall be his forever, or until the day his grandchildren need cash."

Imagine if the ball were hit at Fenway. It would have gone on Craiglist, with the owner raping and killing potential women buyers. It would be purchased by a Saudi prince or the Koch brothers, subjected to waterboarding, and used to control weather.

The world wants to think of Yankee fans as smirking, pig-headed devils in a pinstriped human guise.

In fact, we are the most loving people on earth, after the Kardashians.

Thank you, Christian Lopez, for showing our goodness.

And don't forget to buy that authentic DK-NY-3K merchandise at the MLB store! Now, at popular prices!

Ron Washington's Response To El Duque's Letter And C.C.'s Response To Ron

Open Letter to Ron Washington: On behalf of the Yankees, thank you for snubbing CC Sabathia on the All-Star game

Dear Madam or Sir,

I know you're busy, instructing players on how not to toss balls so fans tumble out of the upper decks trying to catch them, but during your latest congratulatory session for being lucky enough to be placed in the AL West, please accept our gratitude for your recent choice in the All-Star game.

In your first All-Star selections, you left out CC Sabathia.

Well played, Sir. Well played.

LDB: It is high, it is far, it is GYANNNNNNN

Recovering.

Sori for the incoherence.

Reuinons...

A Magnificent Milestone For A Magnificent Yankee

Nick Johnson and Eric Chavez Congratulate Jeter

So what's Eric's status now that Alex may need surgery?
Chavez broke a bone in his left foot in May and now may miss even more time. Because of the foot injury, Chavez has been battling back problems as well. Recently, he had an abdominal issue which Girardi said was believed to be a kidney stone. “He’s having some back issues right now, so I can’t tell you when you’re going to get Chavez back — or if we’re going to get Chavez back,” Girardi said.

The Real Reason Big Papi Went After Kevin Gregg

Congratulations El Capitan

A Preview Of Scene From HBO Big Poopy Series

for gai kockin translation help

LDB (LIVEDRUNKBLOG) DAY WHATEVER, FINAL DAY, CAN'T GO ON, AND WE HAVE YET TO WIN A GAME

Ridiculous.

A week ago we were destined to be remembered as the overachievers who outlasted Boston.

Now, we're the team of Jeter's 3000th hit.

I know, I know, you can't say a bad word about Jete on the Internet without the Department of Yankee Positive Explaination Police knocking on your door and asking to see your papers. And Jete is a great Yankee. But we've fallen behind Boston, and we're ever closer to Tampa, and we're not playing our best batting order.

Redsock fans all around me. Smirking. "What's it like to see the Redsocks from behind?" "Hey, how's Jeter's 3000th quest going?" Yeesh. If we lose today, it's over.

And here's the one talking point from this four-day drunk:

If we lose today, I don't give a crap whether Jeter gets his 3,000th. We'll have lost today. Understand?

HBO To Shoot A New Series: Big Poopy's Empire

Dear Buck: All is forgiven

Obama Toys With Idea Of Being Part Of HBO 3000 Jeter Documentary

Billy Crystal Still Waiting To View Jeter's 3000th Hit

Yanks Continue to Chase Tail And Bite Self

Jeter gets thrown out by 8 feet on a medium speed ground ball to third, and the entire crowd groans.

It is the end of the game.

Even if he homered at that point, we are still down a run. But no one cares. Winning the game is secondary to "the milestone."

Only 3000 hits matters. And then what?

Will Derek be 25 again?

Will Andruw Jones hit 40 home runs?

We are now 1-4 in our last 5 games. After earning a 3 game lead in the AL East while Derek pursued his 49th and 50th hits at AAA, we are now in second place behind Boston, and fading fast.

People who are passionately following Derek's quest, as if it were their own, will do anything to " be there " ( read; at the stadium, outside the stadium, watching, on tv, listening on the radio, sitting in the park, sweeping halls in the prison, etc ) when it happens.

This is the same passion brought by the lunatics who stand outside the courthouse in Orlando. As if what they think, or do, or flash on a sign means anything.

We are heading for disaster.

LDB Revelation: Holy Crap, we need a runoff for June Yankee Employee of the Month

Why Nuni: He beat the Mets, replaced Jete, then got injured, which means he's already suffered the curse. Plus, we should save Igawa for the playoffs.

Why Kei: He anchored two rotations, Scranton and Trenton, and he IS the human embodiment of the curse. Hell with saving him for the playoffs. Let's climb on his back and ride to the World Series.

LDB Update: Redsock fans talking KC Anthony trial. Hah. Rot their brains!

DLB DAY THREE: Another million brain cells, another Yankee loss

Can't bear to watch. Have lost confidence, hope, faith, almost curiosity. Nothing works. Wither goest Bartolo? And Jete's career stats, outweighing victory? When did that happen? He should not be leading off. Everybody knows it. Hollywood celebrities know it. Right wing radio talk show hosts know it. The dolphins in the sea know it. We love the guy, but my head is hurting. Put three hard losses on top of a hangover, and you've got trouble.

Last night, more Redsock fans arrive. They breed like rabbits. They congratulate each other for being Redsock fans. I wore my "I BREAK FOR YOUKILIS BEANINGS" T-shirt, to let them know I would not be cowed. I wore a hardass pro-Yankee t-shirt in the middle of a Redsock sausage fest, and how do the Yankees respond? They lose. They turn over the game to the pursuit of Jeter's 3,000th, because the team intends to sell dirt from the stadium on that date, and it stinks, and my head hurts, and I'm expecting more Redsock fans - HERE COMES ONE NOW. GG

More Scenes From Nooky Jeter's HBO Show, Lead Off Empire

The bleacher report though Jeter was being realistic in his message to Eduardo Nunez concerning his lead off and short stop position. They got the context all wrong.

Hughes takes One Step Forward. Yanks Take One Step Backward.

Lost amid all the fallderall about Derek and his climb to 3000 hits was the move that elevated Phil Hughes to a starting role, and the consequent demotion of our best young starter to Scranton.

Phil Hughes gave us an outing yesterday which, if delivered by Nova in his first start, would have folks talking about the need for more seasoning in Scranton.

He put the Yanks in an early hole. He used up 32 pitches in the first inning. He barely made it through five innings. In truth, he was highly mediocre and cost us a road loss.

Meanwhile, back in the land of anthracite

coal ( or is it bituminous?), Ivan Nova is rightfully pissed off.

He had put together several solid outings in a row for the Yankees, including( I think) his 8th win. He was regularly going 7 innings, and showing the guts and fortitude to get out of jams. And he was doing it in big games against big teams.

Phil Hughes reminded me yesterday of the way he pitched during the second half of last season where, the record shows, he sucked.

He gets this priority over Nova why?

True, Hughes won 18 games last year, but half of those wins were games in which the Yankees scored an average of 9 runs. His "gun speed" yesterday was average ( 92ish) and his command was in left field.

In my opinion, Hughes should still be in Scranton, not Nova. We don't know if Hughes' arm is back. One partial, mediocre outing, shows us nothing. Let him pitch 3 games in a row against AAA competition, then read the "gun" and look at his performance. In that interim, Nova would win his 10th game that counts.

Here is what is going to happen now ;

A. Hughes will be inconsistent and, without major offensive support, will not do well. And a crappy pitching record for Hughes will not change a thing. Hughes can lose 4 in a row and, unless we start hearing of recurring dead arm issues, Hughes will remain.

Only a series of injuries to the Yanks' starting rotation gives Nova any shot. Meanwhile, Nova will lose all interest in remaining a Yankee. How would you feel if you were a consistently successful division manager in a corporation, and management asked you to go back to the loading dock for an unspecified period of time to make room for some guy who has done nothing?

And mark these words; one mediocre game in Scranton ( by a totally demoralized, frustrated pitcher now working for no purpose against teams that have no meaning ) will give the Yankee brass the ammunition they need to write him off and crow about their decision.

Other young Yankee pitchers can be counted upon to notice. They have all now seen that Girardi's priorities are;

1. Age and experience

2. Proximity to milestones ( 3000 hits, 700 homers, 6000 saves, 12,000 games played, etc ).

3. Age and experience

In summary, if you are a Yankee pitcher in the minors and still under 33 years of age, you must either be perfect if you get a shot with the big club ( see Aaron Small ), stay in Scranton, or be traded.

I will be surprised if we ever see Nova in pinstripes until he has become a two-time Cy Young award winner for Cleveland, is about 35 years old, has a $77 million contract with 5 years remaining, and is out of gas.

This is disastrous decision making by Girardi, and you will all see what I mean when Hughes' next outing is awful and Nova's performance in Scranton makes the Yanks anxious to dump him along with Montero.

A Preview Of Scenes From HBO Jeter Documentary

Probably the best part Billy Crystal has had in 10 years. Gee, talk about product placement!

No Ground Rules Discussed For Upcoming Series With Rays

LDB(CONT) DAY TWO: JETE'S 3000TH IS KILLING ME

LiveDrunkBlog Report: Short night. Hit skids. Didn't fall. No bruises. WHY ARE WE SAYING JETER'S QUEST FOR 3000 IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WINNING? Nothing but absolute bullshit from Redsock fan. Absolute total distilled bullshit. You can't talk to Redsock fans. Waste of breath and time. What was I thinking, that I could converse with a Redsock fan? In front of others. That just enflames them. Makes them fighty. Big mistake.

But ... this is what I've learned, and I put it out there for all to digest. It comes from a Redsock fan who, let's just say, he's on the inside with Theo Epstein's pool man. Wink wink. (Ow, it hurts to wink.) The guy is a Mason. Did you know there are people who are still Masons? WTF are the Masons, anyway? AND WHY THE HELL ARE WE PUTTING JETERS QUEST AHEAD OF WINNING GAMES? That's what's happening. Girardi is practically admitting it, saying that Jeter will lead off until he gets the 3,000. This is ridiculous. How many games do we have to lose? And what about Jete's quest for 4000? Doesn't Girardi care about that?

Sorry... back to what I learned from Theo's gigollo pool man:

1. Lackey is done. Fogetaboutim.

2. Jacoby Ellsbury will not be a Redsock next year. He'll go to SF. He secretly hates Theo and Theo hates him. Bad blood. Boogabooga.

3. Really likes this Miller pitcher, talking him up.

4. Papelbon is also gone. They've had enough of him.

Seems to me we got a team that could pull apart IF THE YANKEES STOP WORRYING ABOUT A CERTAIN PLAYER'S QUEST FOR 3000 AND START THINK ABOUT WINNING GAMES.

Will try to blog more frequently but it's tough.

LIVEDRUNKBLOG RECORD: 0-1

Hbo Cameraman Working On Jeter Special Reported Missing

Nooky Jeter To Star In New HBO Special Called Lead-Off Empire

More about HBO's plans from a Red Sox source

Ump called him out, redsocks win

Two outs. Top of the ninth. One-run game. Edwin Encarnacion tries to score the tying run for the Blue Jays against the redsocks. He's called out. Of course he is.

Bet the ESPN studios broke out in celebration at that one.

Fifth annual live drunk Yankee blog begins today, no substitutions on that ham sandwich, thank you, sir, I'll have another...

Head hurts. Of course. Hope the stent holds. Two years in a row, undefeated in livedrunkblog action. Old college roommate from Florida. Breaking news: Says it's hot in Florida. Breaking news: I finally found somebody who gives a shit about the Casey trial. More college lugnuts coming today. A couple Redsock fans. Touch and go. They don't read this blog. Hah. I will surgically rumple each to a point of libel that would make Rupe Murdoch envious. Hah. that's the beauty of the livedrunkblog, which technically began last night, so I'm one-and-oh, playing the Felice Brothers ("Bang-Bang-Bang went Frankie's gun") and the Baseball Project ("Chin Music") and Mr. Waits ("All my friends are married, every Tom and Dick and Harryy...") watching stars. CHRIST, I AM BECOMING A CLICHE. Hughes today?

How CJ Wilson Got Picked To The All Star Team Over C.C. Sabathia

Beware, Brother, Beware: Big Papi Invites Robbie To Join Him In HR Derby

Late Monday Night: The Situation Room Watches A Replay Of Yesterday's Game

Yankeetorial: The end is near

When they weren't tossing virgins into bottomless pits and playing soccer with human skulls, those enterprizing ancient Mayans were projecting the end of Mariano Rivera in 2012.

And although he blew it with the May Doomsday prediction, YouTube/trailer park sensation Harold Camping - (sorry for the redundancy: "YouTube/trailer park") - has now updated his call to the Armageddon bullpen for this fall.

It's coming, folks: The final save of humanity.

Considering our recent whine sessions about the play of Derek and Jorge, the Yankiverse should start preparing itself. This is not going to be as easy as demoting Chris Dickerson.

When Posada in April/May started hitting like Cameron Diaz, (a former Yankee fan,) our outbursts occasionally ran into the ultimate domain of human disgrace: We sounded like Redsock fans.

Now, with Jeet back, we face the inevitable carping (yeah, I don't do it too) about his hitting, lack of range, need to lead off... good grief, we lost to Cleveland, what's not to carp about?

Listen: The coldest nights are coming. When Mariano falls, the days will be darker, messier, angrier - and we had better come to grips with our emotions. No position in American sports forces one player to stand naked against the world moreso than the baseball closer. The game's been won, three outs remain, and the closer must close. No statistic ever conceived by modern sports geeks ever brought more pain than the Blown Save.

One of these days, our dignity will face the ultimate test.

Each of us, in private moments, must start pondering this. Mariano Judgment Day is coming, my friends. Make peace with your God, be it Jesus, Allah, or L. Ron Hubbard. 

When the end comes, will you be a Yankee fan or a Redsock fan?



Mariano is not done yet. Unless his elbow is gone.

July 4, 1960: Mickey's 300th HR

Mantle 300
The Yanks lost. Their record was 43-26-1. I bet Casey wouldn't have waited one batter too many to yank AJ.

Yankee America's Pain: The Poem

Her eagle does not soar on high,

She's neither free, nor home, nor brave,
The darkest clouds obscure her sky,
When Mariano blows a save.


Her hopes devoured for living free,
Her dreams skewed toward an earthly grave,
John Sterling’s show tunes sound off-key,
When Mariano blows a save.

Somewhere her children laugh and play,
Their ballclub’s flags, on high, still wave,
But not her Independence Day,
When Mariano's blown a save.

Yankee Doddle Johnny

John Sterling: Our Very Own Yankee Doodle Boy

George M. Cohan wasn't really born on the 4th of July of 1878. It was really July 3rd.
Who really knows when John was born?

Happy Birthday John

According to this the savings should be more

Eduardo's Unfortunate Injury May Have Cost Yankees Sweep Of Mets

We lose his hot bat and Pena botches two plays. You don't think Derek could have......

Yanks Sweep Doubleheader Against Sox

Jesus Montero, DH: 2 for 4, 1 R, 1 HR, 3 RBI, 2 K – he's heating up, 7 for his last 14
with 2 HR.

Happy Birthday, America! No, wait, I mean Leola Geddis

Wally Pip?

Eduardo Has An Edge, He Has A Big Edge

Maybe A-Rod Isn't A Traitor After All?

Maybe he just knows how to use juju.

Happy 24th Anniversary To Suzyn

A segment from Mike Francesca's show yesterday. Suzyn was in rare form. We may have to rethink Kim's award.
Hey, it's John's 63rd birthday on July 4th. More likely, it's his 73rd.

Kimberly Jones: Yankee Broadcaster Of The Month

Yes, we know her questions are usually inane, but she displayed great work in filming a segment on David and Erin Robertson's fine effort to help the victims in Tuscaloosa. This must be the reason that Kim is always seen wearing some sort of jacket or sweater no matter how hot it is.

It is time to vote for June YANKEE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

AND THE NOMINEES ARE...

Mark Teixeira, thor

Eduardo Nunez, super 8

Brian Cashman, mr. popper's penguins

Jorge Posada, captain america, the first avenger

Nick Swisher, just go with it

Brett Gardner, hop

CC Sabathia, water for elephants
Kei Igawa, the hangover part II

Last Friday Night

Last Friday Night
We beat the Metsies in their park
Jerry Layne calls them in the dark
A-Rod's tag a work of art
Last Friday night
Yeah I think Alex broke the law
Always said said he's gonna stop-op
Whoa-oh-oah

Sergeant Alex Bilko

So What If He Throws A Few Away

Links

It takes guts to be in the Yankees Old Timers Day

Voodoo Doll stops Redsocks

Ike Davis Tries To Make The Rebbe Choose Sides In The Upcoming Series

Will Brian Try To Sign Dominique Strauss-Kahn?

Now that Dominique is a free agent Brian may try to add him to his veteran pitching arsenal. After all, the man is a money player and he has a proven track record of pitching woo

Andrew Brackman Day Continued: Everything we need to know about him hinges on one stat

In a nutshell:

When ahead in the count this year, he has zero walks.

Zero.

It is time to take nominations for June Yankee Employee of the Month

Bartolo Colon, Mr. May, suffered the dreaded IT IS HIGH curse.

But there is no such thing as curses. Right?

Nominees:

Jorge Posada, hit .400
Nick Swisher, hit 350
Mariano Rivera, set new career records
Joe Girardi, righted ship after Boston debacle
CC Sabathia, 11 wins

Who are we missing?

Let us now praise Andrew Brackman, the scariest pitcher in the Yankiverse

It's possible that Andrew Brackman, the former Yankee top draft pick, may never throw a ball in the Bronx. He cannot control his fastball any more than an Emperor Penguin can perform Lady Gaga music with the emotional intensity that it deserves.

Brackman stands 6 foot 10 inches tall, and that is nearly 7 feet of batshit, 94-mph whodafuk knows where the ball's gonna go. He scares batters. He scares Yankee fans. He probably scares his mom.

Check out this line from last night, and let's appreciate genius: Watching Bragman come into a game -- even his warm up pitches hit the backstop -- must be the worst sight in baseball for the poor Triple A slobs who must stand in and face potential knee-cappings and beheadings.

Last night, the Brack hurled two innings. He got hit. He also hit back. He struck out five batters, walked one and plunked one -- in other words, a typical Brackman outing. He threw 41 pitches, 25 for strikes. Yikes.

I say this: Cup of Coffee in October. Bring him in to face the Redsocks. Let him do his thing. Coupled with the guy who throws from both sides of the mound, we could at least enjoy some of the entertaining late inning blowouts in history.

Fans elect Barabbas, but Jesus annointedeth all-star anyway

Jesus Montero, now entering his second year at Scranton-Wilkes Barre, is starting to look at Kei Igawa career stat immortality. At age 21, he could possibly stay at Triple A for two years, putting him in Juan Miranda territory for homerun status.

In the meantime, he has now been named to his first International League All-Star team, no thanks to the mob of Philadelphia Phillestines.