A radical idea that will never happen, even at a small scale

This started as a comment to Alphonso's last post, but I thought, what the hell. Let's throw it out there.

Ticket sales can't be very good. I'm getting special rock-bottom offers from the Yankees every week or more, the last one offering tickets under $20. And not in the bleachers.

Here's an idea that will never fly in a million years. Trade all the big names, even if we have to eat all or the bulk of their remaining contracted salaries. Clear out the dead or walking dead wood. Whoever we can't get rid of, we bench. Then we field an everyday team of dirt-cheap young unknowns mixed with the few performers we currently have. We give the kids a good shot at making it, and reduce expectations for the season to zero. Then we see what we have and what we can put together for next year, sans the aging and struggling bodies we've been throwing out there.

We'll have to honor their contracts to whatever extent necessary, but the added cost of the kids will be bupkus in the scheme of things. And as the old contracts die, we are unburdened, refreshed, exciting, and with a new direction that will put fannies in seats--which should get cheaper, by the way, to attract a larger fan base as the contract burdens are lifted.

It will never happen. But it would be interesting. Which is one reason it will never happen. Our credo is nothing if not to be as boring as possible. No matter how mediocre or bad it makes us.

The Pain Will Be Extended And Extended

When A-Rod  walked up to the plate with the bases loaded last night, it was just a certainty that he would strike out.  To me, anyway.

What I did not figure was that he would go down looking.  I have never been able to fathom how superstar major league players, or anyone good enough to get an at bat in the majors, goes down looking on a 3-2 pitch, with two out, in a critical situation.

To me, that is a far worse blunder than DIDI running himself into a double play, destroying a different rally.

In any case, we got our two runs again which is tantamount to losing.  Two solo, meaningless, home runs.  Sound familiar?

As a result, El Duque is expressing a concern that the Yankee apocalypse has arrived.  Wishful thinking.

The Yankees will score in double figures today, causing everyone to expel a sigh of relief and declare that the, " offensive slump is over."

Only it won't be.

The Yankees will continue to show a spark of life, and then more days of dormancy.  They will be like a lamp bulb signaling its last legs.  Flicker, shine, flicker, shine......until it goes dark.

But this miserable team will be, "in it" ( the race for the wild card play -in game, where last year the Yankees scored 0 runs ) until the last day.

And on that day, where we get to the post season ( as if the play-in game is truly, the post season)  with a win, the Yankees will score two runs early, and then go dark themselves.  I don't know the final game score, or who we will be playing, but the Yankee run total will remain, and end, at 2.

Duque is correct that we need a collapse of monumental proportion.  We need revolt and rebellion.  Something so embarrassing, so unforgiving and so potent, that even the Yankee management and ownership wake up and stop this bull crap sham that all we need, is " re-tooling, not re-building."

I don't want to see any more of ; Ellsbury, Gardner, Beltran, Tex, Headley or Mc Cann.  Nor do I wish to wee:  Nova, CC, or Pineda.

It is time to scuttle this ship.

But the process will not relieve us.  It will torture us.

Hicks throws out runner at plate, clocked at 105 mph; Yankees will move mound to left field for new starter

Wow, this guy can smash ice

Is this the year it happens?

I say, let it happen:  Let it rain. Let the earth rumble, let the skies open, let the waters rise, and let the winds blow this wretched team to sea. Let everything start anew. Bring on the Yankee apocalypse. Let the great shitpile topple. 

Yes, let's say it out loud. Why lie?

If the Yankees are going to suck this year, let's go all the way.  

Yes, I realize it's only April - this isn't the last copter out of Saigon - but the despair I feel usually comes in September, when the end is literally near.

After last night, to root for this Yankee team just seems so pointless. So - well - gullible. 

If A-Rod homers tonight, what does it mean? His ever-diminishing ceiling is defined in concrete. He'll be lucky to hit 25 and bat .250. If Jacoby Ellsbury starts hitting, how long will he last, before a tendon snaps or a bone breaks? How insane is it to think that CC will ever return to form? And if all management wants to do is wait until everybody is off the books... until all the big contracts disappear... so it can trade the farm for Bryce Harper and then give him a 12-year deal... why bother? These aren't the Yankees. This is just another club. This franchise offers us no swagger, no bluster, no rising stars, nothing. It is most defined by the self-congratulatory hubris of management, fueled by a cheerleader media that will say anything to stay afloat.

The Yankees sit on the biggest pot of gold in American sports, yet the owner's priority is to cut costs. Hal Steinbrenner has used his dad's inheritance as a plaything. One day, he refuses big contracts to save on luxury tax. Next day, he trades prospects for Aroldys Chapman. We just descend deeper into the void, while rivals swoosh past us to the top.

Tell me a reason to feel hope for this team, this season, other than that maybe in September, some prospect will come up for a cup of coffee and look good.

If the meltdown is coming, I say let it happen. Let it rain. Let the shitpile fall. We cannot do worse than this.

North Carolina, your new public restroom sheriff is calling

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" John Sterling cannot believe the Yankees' shoddy play

"A terrible inning for the Yanks," John said, after Chase Headley booted a grounder and then Didi Gregorius dropped the throw.

The Yankees are down 3-1 against Oakland, bases loaded, one man out, and The Master is losing it.  

Later, Suzyn echoed his question, asking exasperatingly, "What IS going on here?"

Yankee Youth....

Let's review some of Brian Cashman's latest work for the organization.

He made several huge off-season moves ( Castor and Didi have worked out, sort of ), in addition to the guy awaiting release from MLB for shooting up his girlfriend's garage:

Aaron Hicks ( am I right?  His name is Aaron ?  As in Hank? ) -  I probably haven't learned his name for a reason.

But Cashman told us, with great excitement, how this kid was just coming into his own.  A great defender with speed and a cannon arm.  "His hitting woes were pretty much were behind
 him" ( sayeth Brian ) and, in the waning days of last season ( when nothing mattered for the Twins or their opponents, and everyone from AA was pitching ), he elevated his BA into the high .260's.

We get youth, speed, a great arm and excitement with this kid ( still a prospect, really ).  Only thing is;  the Yankees play Gardy, Jacoby and Beltran.  So there is no room for Hicks.  Yawn.

As a result, Hicks  is hitting .059 and comes in for Carlos when some defense could help our
cause ( usually, never ).

Dustin Ackley ( am I right?) - Brian had much the same to say when he brought this dude in last year.   Only thing is;  we have no position for him, either.  So, he has 7 at bats and a .000 BA.

Cashman's leadership is about as effective as that of President Bush, going into Iraq without an exit plan, and with no idea of what a mess he was creating.  Leaving things worse than if he had done nothing. But what is leadership if not, "taking steps?"

Cashman, like Bush, simply makes moves to distract everyone from how horribly he has performed his true responsibilities. Luckily, Cashman's decisions, stupid and non-productive as they are, do not cost lives and the death of families. And he only pisses away the ill-gotten wealth of Happy Hal, not the nation's Treasury.

The Cashman result: There is insufficient talent on the roster,  or in the organization, to effectively compete.   None that will play, in any case.  And we are not going to the one-game, wild card play-in.  That is a standard far out of reach. And Cashman has been at the helm for decades.

 If the people can revolt in Brazil, can't we do it on River Avenue?

" Seems Like Old Times....."

So I settle back into my bark-a lounger and dial up the Yankee game.

At first I thought;  " This is great.  An olde fashioned pitchers' duel.  Tension on every pitch.  No margin for error on defense."

Then, I realized something else;  this Yankee team cannot hit and, by definition, cannot hit when it matters ( in the clutch for those new to baseball).

We surged ahead in the bottom of the 5th, to lead 2-1.  I didn't actually notice how we scored that run.  Nonetheless, as I poured another re-fill from my pitcher of, "Crown Royal  manhattans," it hit me;

"The 2 Run Limit."

 The Yankees had already reached it and, unless we could pitch shut-out baseball through the 9th, we were going to lose.  We don't ever win at home when we go into extra innings.  Because, due to baseball folklore ( and who does the predictable thing more often than Girardi?), we will have used both Betances and Miller to keep the game tied for us, so we could walk-it-off in the bottom of the 9th.

Only thing is, we never win in that scenario.  Maybe if it is 12-12.  But not if it is 2-2, and the Yankees haven't threatened for 2 hours.

So I watched pointlessly as the zeros mounted.  I think the Yankees always went out 1-2-3.  Maybe I missed one inning when a Yankee reached base.  But nothing happened.  Not a damn thing.  My adrenaline never once wiggled ( until I noticed the manhattan pitcher was on empty ).  There was not a second of positive expectation for the Yankees.

Didi made two great defensive plays.  I remember them.

Next thing I know, the 2-2 tie proceeds as I surmised, and now we are into the 10th and 11th, with the Scranton no names, replacing our real relievers.

Game over.

It is so inevitable.  And so draining.

My anticipation for watching a Yankee game is like looking forward to dusting the attic.

 A-Rod added to his statistical collection ( a hit, an rbi ).  What else matters?

I wonder how Mason Williams is doing?

Flashback

Light at the end of the tunnel?

I'm still recovering from this stunner:

Next fall, Michael Strahan will leave Live with Kelly and Michael.

OK, are you still with me? Breathe. It's okay.

Now... close your eyes and dare to imagine...

Live with Kelly and A-Rod.

R.I.S.P. is becoming R.I.P...

Last night, The Master had it worse than Lyin' Ted. He sounded whipped. John's takeaway points, before Suzyn's Clubhouse Report: The Yankees have "no kick" coming, they had their chances, no excuses, but sooner or later, they will hit, they will hit. THEY. WILL. HIT.

Ah, yes. I'd almost forgotten... the boundless love a moose feels for his flying squirrel...

Rest assured: John Sterling will not lose faith in the Yankees, in Bigelow Tea, or in Jeep. He truly believes we will hit, and that 15 minutes can save you big on car insurance. And, you know what? He's right... about the team. Eventually, they will. But a question is starting to loom on the horizon: Will it matter?

Frankly, this is mid April, a time we always slip on our frozen puke. Fortunately, we don't remember it in May. But the 2016 team needed a nice April, and we are now last in the AL East, with the fourth worst record in the league, ahead of only the Twins, Mariners and Astros.

In the dreaded Small Sample, Tex is batting .200, A-Rod .154, Hicks .059, Headley .200, Ellsbury .213 and Didi .225. John believes that's a positive: All of these hitters will start to produce, and the team will thrive.

But like Trump and Hillary, the fans are moving on. I doubt Comcast is losing viewers in Jersey. Everywhere, I see Mets and Redsock caps, where Yankee emblems used to flourish. In Syracuse, the guy at the flea market who sells Yankee shirts didn't bother to get a new shipment this spring. He's still selling Grandersons.

Listen carefully, and you can almost hear the sound of crickets. It's too early for crickets.

Restroom monitor Curt Schilling tweets against the oncoming scourge

To the surprise of nobody, Curt Schilling - the bankrupt, transgender Sarah Palin of ESPN - has once again slithered his way into a self-inflicted crossfire, although sadly, this one doesn't involve Hitler. 

The latest episode of That Darn Curt - titled "The Phantom Menace" - stems from a series of rage-filled tweets, re-tweets and blog deliriums on the Far Right Straw Man Terror of the Month: The looming threat to our children of transgender people peeing in public restrooms.

As far as I can tell, Curt doesn't want them peeing anywhere. Period. When in public, they should cross their legs and hold water. It's not that America is facing a wave of hormonal-crazed restroom abductions. It's just that real Americans hate anybody who is different, and denying them a place to piss is a neat way to hit them where it hurts.

Curt wants male transsexuals to pee in the men's rooms, regardless of how they look or what they're wearing. Penises peeing with penises, which makes perfect sense, unless you picture Curt at a urinal beside what looks like a evening-gowned supermodel - a photo I'd pay money to see. In that case, wouldn't it make sense if the babe in the mini-skirt just finds a booth in the ladies room, squats and pees, and no newly state-empowered lug nut bothers to demand a birth certificate?

Every few months, like a smoke-detector with a faulty battery, Schilling tweets about some new menace to America from the godless, commie-loving left. (Some of these threats come from web sites that fear lizard alien shape-shifters.) There's always a boogieman. Last time I looked, if a wacko endangers a kid in a restroom, there are plenty of laws to put him away. I didn't realize we needed to deputize the citizenry to patrol our bathrooms and keep everyone on their rightful throne.

If ESPN has one shred of morality - or guts - Schilling should never make another peep on that network. Don't worry about Curt. He'll hook up with Fox News or Trump or David Duke, or somebody who specializes in Nazi metaphors and racial dog whistles. What a putz. But next time you gotta go, make sure you have your papers.

Mysterious chicken finger falls to earth, signals God's displeasure with Giants-Diamondbacks

It disrupted the game, prompting numerous hilarious jokes, such as...

Why did the chicken cross the basepath?

a) He wanted to be in fowl territory.

b) He heard an umpire yell, "Bawk."

c) He didn't want to be "a birdin'" to his team.

d) His friends were turkeys.

e) He was hurt and needed a nearby hospital with a Buffalo wing.

Note to the curious: It is believed the finger fell a passing bird, who plucked it from a Happy Meal.

Rantin' Randy Levine, king of the handouts, invokes a bizarre baseball metaphor to promote Trump

Sunday, NY Times' columnist Michael Powell unhorsed, unbuckled, and undressed Yankees President Randy Levine on the lone game in which the iconic franchise still dominates all of baseball: Receiving government subsidies.

You need to read it. In a nutshell, Powell systematically dismantles Recipient Randy's gin-addled claim that the Yankees receive no taxpayer handouts. Slowly, piece-by-piece, plank-by-plank, the writer outlines the hundreds of millions of public dollars poured into the franchise - a national symbol of nepotism and cronyism, which charges the highest ticket prices in the animal kingdom. This wasn't a debate. It was a flogging. Levine looked like the guy who brings hand lotion to a semen fight.

Normally, after the groundhog sees its shadow, it skitters back down into its abyss until - say - the next hair plugs medical procedure. But Levine - whose mop suggests a trip to the Ronald McDonald House - has followed up his masterwork. He has penned an article in the right-wing website Newsmax, comparing Donald Trump's current GOP delegate battle to - gulp - a pennant race.

I'm not making this up. Here is what he says.

Gov, Kasich has already been mathematically eliminated and soon, the same will happen to Sen. Cruz.That said, Gov Kasich continues on, lingering in the race, hoping to win at the convention and claiming he should be selected because he believes the polls show that he does better against Democrats than his fellow Republican candidates.

This argument makes no sense. It would be as if one decided to substitute the winner of the American League pennant in the World Series with the team which came in third place. 


Wait a second. Isn't Levine complaining about the Wild Card?

Yes... the third place team taking the place of the pennant winner in the World Series! It's called the Wild Card. Isn't that what the Yankees have been chasing for the last three years?

You win or lose on the field or at the ballot box. It is OK to play as a spoiler, as many teams do to effect the final standings, but if that is your goal you should acknowledge it.
What? Come September, when Levine's Leaches are chasing yet another Wild Card, should our esteemed team president announce that the club is now a gentlemanly spoiler, and that it actually has no intention of going all the way? That it is fundamentally wrong to use the Wild Card as a route to the World Series? Doesn't the team with the best record in the AL deserve to play in the final runoff.

Listen: I have no issue with Levine being a right-wing blockhead. (That ship sailed long ago.) If he wants to support Trump, fine. (Though considering the shameful amount of taxpayer money the Yankees receive, there is an ample stench of corruption when its top officials cozy up to the candidates who might someday be writing out the checks.) Nope. They're all scumbags, and when it comes to pandering in sports, Trump is just a rich version of Rudy Guiliani with hair.

But the baseball metaphor... Yeesh. These are the people who run the Yankees?

Bryce Harper hits 'em where it hurts...

From now on, when Bryce Harper hits a home run, they should say he... a) "Jiggles the handle!" b) "Just added a new urinal cake!" c) "Goes number two times two!" d) "Answers to the call of doody!" e) "Goes downtown Brown Town!"

Betances is scary

Should they just call in the fielders and have them sit around the mound?

He has now struck out the side four times in a row.

Four. Times. In. A. Row.

Whiffleball 101

Betances isn't the only one with a drop-dead slider.

Now That's An Owner

LCFC Chairman To Mark Birthday With 

Free Beer And Doughnuts!

Hal's birthday is December 3rd.  Any suggestions for a generous gesture in kind by INC?  Leave them below.

YOAN MONCADA? SLOOOOOOOOWLY I TURN... STEP BY STEP...

As I type this, I'm choking the Beanie Baby. (And no, that's a not sexual metaphor. Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself.) 

Down in the Single A bus-ride leagues, Redsocks' prospect Yoan Moncada - whom poor Hal "Food Stamps" Steinbrenner just couldn't afford - has an eight-game hitting streak. He has stolen 10 bases in 10 games, and he's hitting .333. Moncada plays 3B. He is Boston's top prospect, and he looks ticketed for Double A by June.

If the Yankees had signed him, YES would be broadcasting daily updates. (We can talk about Aaron Judge, but he's generally ranked in the 50th percentile of top 100 prospects; Moncada is ranked in the top 10.)

Listen: I'm not voting Moncada into Cooperstown yet, but if he becomes a star - maybe as early as 2018 - add him to Betts, Bogartes and the ownership's willingness to sign free agents - Boston could have our number for a long time. They have won three world championships in the last 12 years. I wonder about the middling Yankee fans - the New Yorkers who basically just know there is a guy named A-Rod - and whether they realize the future shift of domination in baseball?

Simply stated, the Yankees are not the Yankees anymore. The only reason this has not become apparent to most people is that no other team has claimed the mantle... yet.

The Agony Extends

I have to say this upfront.  Yesterday, on this very record, I revealed a mathematical formula which predicted the Yankees would score four runs in Sunday's big game of Japan superstar pitcher vs. Japan superstar pitcher.

  Mustang didn't bother to notice this  nugget of baseball mastery.  Look it up, dude and post the appropriate "props."  Are you away on holiday?

Once again, I digress.

The thing is;  the worst event possible for Yankee fans, and the team in the long run, was the re-emergence of A-Rod's name as a positive contributor to a Yankee home win.  Now, all is right again with the team.

We can count the numbers of A-Rod RBI's and Home runs for the next two weeks.  We can show where he is on the all time baseball leaders' list, steroid users or not.  We can note how remarkable that it is, at his age, to be winning ballgames with a single stroke of the bat.  We can sigh gratefully that the AL uses the designated old guy.

After all, when did baseball ever require running, catching and throwing?

We can forget about the aging of the Yankees.  Or what will happen if A-Rod continues to have a BA in the low 100's.  Don't worry that we won't sign, or give an opportunity to young talent, because this $25 million per season guy will be around again next year.  And maybe longer , after that, if Hal observes this hot streak.

All is well.  The Yankees won.  TV shots of A-Rod in the dugout showed a totally relaxed superstar, bathing in the glory of pumpkin seeds and thoughts of adoration.

All is well.

No need to worry.

Seven innings. That's all the Yankees need.

The seven-inning start... What a concept.

I mean, like, whoooooa. Pass the bong. Are you talking about a game with no Kirby Yates? I mean, like, wow, there's no six calls to the bullpen sponsored by our Tri-State Ford Auto Dealerships? I mean, what happens to our Tri-State Ford Auto Dealerships? Do they close? A game where, afterwards, we DON'T shuttle somebody down to Scranton?

A seven-inning start... Has the human body evolved to absorb such punishment?

Well, in the season's 11th game, a Yankee starter pitched through the 7th. It was the guy with the slightly torn elbow, who underwent bone spur surgery last winter. Masahiro Tanaka gave up three runs - two earned - and that was everything. A seven inning stretch. Woah.

Crisis averted? I'm hoping. Unfortunately, as we've seen, three runs can be a bridge too far. Fortunately, we also received a two-run ding by A-Rod - number 689 on the career, tying him with the sum of three consecutive primes: (227+229+233), which is pretty impressive. A-Rod was batting sixth. He's still hitting below Paris Hilton's weight. (Did you know she was seen at Coachella? Looked great in her designer scooter chair.)

The seven-inning start...

So, we are 4th in the AL East, three games behind the Baltimore Bubble, which soon will pop. More worrisome are the Redsocks and Toronto, who are jockeying with .500. We host Oakland, the Rays, then visit the Rangers... and then, we finish April with a weekend at Fenway.

By then, will we have seen another seven-inning start?

The New York Times today made Randy Levine look like a money-grubbing dolt

It's too juicy to paraphrase. You need to read it. 

But those pro-A-Rod protesters who carried the signs that said "Randy Levine is the devil" had it wrong. He's far too stupid to be anybody's devil. This article undresses him. It's worse than anything Alphonso could say. Reading it is like eating ice cream.

Disillusioned and learning another new position, Rob Refsnyder is a miner trapped forever in Scranton

I don't know why I bother following Rob Refsnyder.

Self-abuse, I guess. Three weeks ago, the guy turned 25, which, for a prospect, is paleolithic. He is starting Year III in Scranton. (That's why they call it Triple A?) By now, he probably walks into diners and calls the waitresses by name. He could run for office. He can become a land baron, a Scrantonian bigwig.

Refsnyder has now played more than 200 games for Scranton. And you can see it.

In 2014, he hit .300 and was named a Baseball America Triple A All-Star at 2B. He played 77 games that year - not a small sample size. The Yankees' reaction? Over the winter, they signed Stephen Drew, a veteran SS who had hit .162 that year, and installed him as their second-baseman.

There is no charitable way to describe Drew's play last year. Let's just say he got hot at the end and finished at .201. Meanwhile, Refsnyder played 117 games for Scranton, concentrating on playing 2B. His average dropped to .271. He didn't make any All-Star team.

This year, he's hitting .242. It's only 33 at bats, but there's another factor here: He's now trying to learn 3B, and it won't happen overnight.

He's played five games at 3B, made two errors. It's good to have a guy learn extra positions, but what's the point? The Yankees have Chase Headley for three more years, even though he is already looking like a Jenny Craig version of Pablo Sandoval. He's like one of Bernie Sanders banking targets - too big to fail. They will play Headley until his average falls below .210 or his throws to first start harming celebrities in the right field boxes. (Remember Knobby hitting Keith Olbermann's mom?) 

At 2B, we now have Starlin Castro - age 26. It's too early to lock him into the slot, although Brian Cashman has already taken numerous victory laps, showered with praise from fair and impartial, brown-nosed arbiters of the YES Network - the Yankee version of Fox News. In their minds, Cashman has pulled off the steal of the century.

Nobody wants to hear about Rob Refnyder. So why, why, why am I bothering?

Listen: I don't know more than the Yankee scouts and coaches. If they say Refsnyder isn't ready, he probably isn't ready. Maybe the guy has some fatal flaw in his DNA - I dunno. I can't sit here and condemn the baseball professionals who devote their lives to finding and developing talent. OK? I get it.

But one of the great frustrations of rooting passionately for the Yankees - as opposed to other teams - is almost never getting to experience the joy of a young, emerging no-name player - the kid who comes out of nowhere to surprise us. Remember watching Bernie Williams evolve from a wisp into a star centerfielder? Wasn't it nice watching Brett Gardner make the all-star team last year, silencing all those early critics who said he was merely a pinch runner?

Even if they don't always become stars, the Greg Birds and Slade Heathcotts are so much more exciting than another Brian Roberts or Stephen Drew.

But the Yankees don't give us them. They buy boring old players - who are not real Yankees - and they field a boring old team, that is not the Yankees either. (Years from now, will Headley, Carlos Beltran, Jacoby Ellsbury and Brian McCann be remembered as Yankees? I doubt it.)

I yearn for rookies.If we're going to suck, if all we can do is chase the Wild Card, can't we at least give some of our kids a shot?

Or - better - trade Refsnyder. He'll be a fine MLB secondbaseman someday. And he will make us pay.

Off in the distance, are we witnessing the Yankee apocalypse?

OK, it's still too early to shoot the dog and head for the basement. Too soon to barricade the bunker doors and start eating the Dinty Moore. We need more guns, condoms, liquor and playing cards.

Right now, there are no lines at the gas pump, no strange lights in the sky - just an orange-skinned alien running for President. That happens every four years. It's only April. But everywhere, you see fools. And omens...

6-6-6...

The Yankees have lost six games. They have made six errors. Their best hitter is Ronald Torreyes. He is batting .666. Their best pitcher is Johnny Barbato. He has thrown six innings. His WHIP is 0.666.

We may be seeing the long-prophesied Yankeepocalypse.

It's too soon to panic, right? Tell me it's too soon. Tell me A-Rod will soon start hitting like it's 1999. Or that Beltran and Sabathia will peel back 10 years? Or that Chase Headley isn't the biggest free agent dud since Steve Kemp.

Tell me this isn't the 1980s, all over again.

Tell me the son is not fated to make the same mistakes as his father.

Tell me Hal Steinbrenner did not inherit just dad's money... but his hubris.

OK... maybe it is too soon to loot the local Wegman's. Last April, Didi Gregorius was an abomination. This year, he's our best player. Still, we look like the exact same team that fizzled in 2013, 2014 and 2015... except we're even older, slower, more decrepit.

Is this the year it happens? Is this the year, the Yankees completely collapse? It isn't here yet, but you can see it. Considering Cashman's monstrous ego and Hal's penny-pinching, is there a mechanism to rebuild? Or will they set their sights on the last Wild Card slot and try to save the team at the trade deadline?

I look at the country, the mammoth social forces coming directly into opposition, and I wonder: Is this the year the big shitpile topples?

Once again, the Yankees are mirroring America.

John Mellencamp has a song that goes, "It aint the end of the world, but you can see it from here." It should be A-Rod's walk-up music.

Don't shoot the dog yet. But definitely, count the bullets. And remember: The last one is for you.

Sabathia Keeps Me Sober

As many of you know, I have a ritual every time CC Sabathia pitches.  I sit with a shot glass and a bottle of Canadian Club and have a shot for every scoreless inning CC pitches.

Today, I had to stretch the rules to get 4 shots.  That is not going to do it for me, folks.  That is like two highballs.

The Yankees did double their scoring output from last night, so I guess things are trending up.  Tomorrow, the "battle of the high end Japanese pitchers," should see us plate 4 runs, if my theory of geometric progression proves correct.

Our bullpen did great.  Carlos was off the charts great.  Castro had a fine day.  Pretty much everyone else sucked.  Romine showed that he is rarely on base, as he got caught in the rundown leading off second when Gardy spanked ( and I use this word advisedly ) a come-backer to the pitcher.  An amateurish base-running mistake.  If Sanchez were hitting above .050 in AAA, they might just send Romine back on the bus.

0-12 as a team today and yesterday with runners in scoring position.  A-Rod 0-5 with 3 K's ( today only.  He rested last night ).

Here is a thought:  Let's make Carlos the DH and put Judge in right field.  Add some youth, a lot of offense, and upgrade the defense all in one move.

Send A-Rod to Nashville ( is Bobby Meecham still there?).  Release him.  Show that the Yankees are not simply brain-dead.

Seriously, at some point the plug must be pulled on A-Rod as a $25 million a year guy.  He ain't gonna pull it.

He stays at the heart of our line-up, because everyone is afraid to face the truth, and act upon it.  Joe says it is early yet.  Yogi said, " it can get late early."

I need a drink.

Another Eight Reasons Why Yankee Fans Should Have No Hope

Can you count?  Can you find 8 sleeping piglets?

Hint;  Think of the Yankee line-up for away games.

I wish to speak about Tyler Olsen.  This 26 year old lefty, who has accomplished nothing, was brought up because, " Seattle has so many really good lefty hitters," saith Girardi.

Tyler immediately showed us the following:

1.  He has poor command of the plate ( 2 walks in 2.2 innings of work).
2.  Only two pitches ( a slider and a change ).
3.  A fastball in the low 80's.
4.  No "out" pitch ( zero strike outs ).
5.  Inability to stop the onslaught ( 2 earned runs in 2 innings )
6.  No apparent effectiveness against the lefty hitters ( only guys he got out were righties)
7.  Not a single reason to say, " man, this kid might be the goods " ( ERA of 6.75 last night.
8.  Just another arm that nobody wants.

I mean;  aren't we at least supposed to pretend to be excited about a new guy?  To have some hope for a diamond in the rough?  You see this guy in a Yankee uniform, pitching in the Bronx, and you just say, " why?"  I mean, there is absolutely nothing there.

The Yankees scored their run in the first inning.  But we could not hold the lead, even with our version of Pedro Martinez on the mound ( why does this description remind me of the idiot who declared that Adrien Robinson was the, " JPP of tight ends?"). The difference is;  Pedro was great early in his career, during his career, and late in his career.  Luis is not great.  He is just another 5 inning pitcher ( 4-6 runs ) who can't find the plate.  Who dominates nothing and no one.

And by the way, Seattle began scoring in the fourth inning, and never stopped.  Every inning for Seattle, from 4-9, had a number on the scoreboard.  It made the lone 1 ( run ) and 8 consecutive zeros of the Yankees jump out.  Just like last year.

Seattle will likely keep that streak going today.  Or, are we pitching our, " stopper?"  And our " big bopper" will be back in the line-up today, so this could be huge.

P.S.  Lucky for us, I think Olsen threw too many pitches last night for him to be
available today ( 1 pm game).

The organization, not just the team, is pathetic.

Report from the small sample size center of the Yankiverse: Aaron Judge is hitting .343

Last night, the Great Right Hope homered, his first of 2016. It went to the opposite field, as he was jammed on an inside pitch. (This is good.)

He didn't strike out. (Real good.)

Aaron Judge has now come to bat 35 times: He has 12 hits, three doubles, three RBIs, and 12 strikeouts.

Thus far, he's hitting .231 against a smattering of lefties and .409 against RHers. (He is, of course, right-handed.) His HR came against a righty.

Last night, he stole his first base of the year.

My Favorite Inning

El Duque must be watching the same game that I am watching.  I notice that his conclusions are the same as mine, so it must seem as though I am stealing his stuff.

Have you read my new book, for example, "Boor of the Deal," the poetry of Ted Cruz?  Sorry, I digress.

The Yankees went into the bottom of the 4th with their only real shot at come-back rally:  When Castro stole second with a piece of alert base running ( get that?  A Yankee made an aggressive, smart play?), we had men on second and third and no one out.

From that point on, I sensed exactly what was about to transpire.  Didi flails ( a la A-Rod, when is is strong enough to play ) at a third strike.  The pitch was about 18 inches off the plate and in the dirt.

Then, Headley and Ellsbury ( who used to be a clutch hitter ), watched third strike calls.  Neither touched the ball.  Nor, for that matter did Didi.  And I am going to bore myself here;  Did not one of these guys ever hear a teammate, or coach, at any level, say, " if it is close ( a pitch when you are down 2 strikes ) swing at it?"

It is as if these guys were begging for a walk which, with a base open, does little to advance the cause.  Getting the bat on the ball, at least when there were no outs, or one out, has a prayer of scoring a run.  Looking angry as you make the long walk back to the dugout helps not a whit.

After that, the Yankees had no prayer.  The old, unreliable offense of 2015, is older and more unreliable now.

And as for Severino,  I watched him fail to find the strike zone, time and time again, all the while listening to the announcers tell me how great his arm was. I sensed that they were full of crap.  He had no out pitch. More tellingly, his command of the strike zone is zero.  He got sliced and diced until we were 4 or 5 runs down.  The Mariners were hitting bullets off  him.  Many right at Ellsbury or Gardy.

I am just going to say this;  I said to myself;  " Self,"  this guy is just a younger version of the Ivan Nova, Michael Pineda over-rated dorks the Yankees always develop.  He needs 98 pitches to get through the 5th inning, and leaves a 5 or 6 spot on the table for the Yankee's pathetic offense to clean up.  When he critically needs an out, he doesn't get it.

He will be 4-12, if he doesn't develop arm trouble.

You see, one of these game, the Yankees will score 14 runs and we will post a "W."  All will be well again.

 But we'll go 2-7 at home in the process.

There is nothing to watch.  So the shut-out Comcast cable viewers are better off.
Learn soccer.

I am coming to envy Comcast customers, the luckiest Yankee fans of all

The Retrieval Empire sure knows how to play business hardball.

This spring, Hal "Food Stamps" Steinbrenner is battling Comcast for refusing the YES Network's 33 percent rate hike. Thus, 900,000 cable customers across Jersey and Pennsylvania are being denied the chance to watch this exciting Yankee team on its quest for the 2016 Wild Card away game slot.

The Yankees - (who own 20 percent of YES; Jerry Hall-Murdoch owns the rest) - want to charge each Comcast customer $5.36 per month to watch YES. Right now, Comcast viewers across Pennsylvania can't get the games. They are the lucky ones.

Frankly, I'm rooting for Comcast here, though the system where YES Network games are folded into a huge package is horrible.

If you want Yankee games, you should be able to buy YES. If you don't, you should not have to pay $5.36 per month for a channel you won't watch. When any sports package is shoved down people's throats, it is nothing more than a tax. Why isn't the tea party protesting this? If Scranton enacted a monthly $5.36 tax to feed homeless children, they would march on City Hall. Why do we let cable providers and sports networks get away with it?

So recapping here:

Reasons Why the Yankee Ownership and Upper Management Totally Suck.

1. They don't want regular people to attend games in the high-priced seats. (See John Oliver, Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc.)

2. They make Stubhub buyers walk blocks upon blocks to get secondary market tickets. (See long lines, opening day fiasco, etc.)

3. They want to charge an excessive fee for YES. (See Comcast)

4. They are strangling Yankee radio broadcasts with ads. (See the pre-game show - have you listened? - is nothing but a cavalcade of ads. They actually play commercials through the National Anthem, then announce that "This Salute to America" was sponsored by such-and-such. It's sickening.)

5. They don't spend on high-priced free agents. (See David Price.)

6. They don't spend on high-priced prospects. (See Yoan Moncada.)

7. They are selling a tiresome product, devoid of excitement.

I recognize that it's only April. But right now, I believe we all have dramatically under-estimated how bad the 2016 Yankees will be.

It's already becoming hard to follow this team. They are a Crackerjacks box with no surprise, a formula movie with a bad ending. They score two runs, then go to bed. If you're looking for one exciting player who might break out... don't bother with the Yankees.

The new fear is that Luis Severino is not the Second Coming of Pedro Martinez, but more the latest in a line of Novas, Vidals, Mitres, etc. Every hopeful projection for 2016 involved Severino becoming a solid pitcher. Now, he looks like a shorter version of Pineda.

I may have to move to Pennsylvania.

Lies, damned lies, statistics 2016

You no doubt recall that in 2015, the Yankees trailed only the Blue Jays across MLB in terms of average runs scored per game.

This year, we are currently 7th, but it's early yet. However, the other day, when our average was a wee bit higher, ESPN of course noted in its MLB home page blurb that the Yankees had lost even with a then-leading (I think) 6+ runs per game average.

This has got to be the dumbest statistic in baseball. Anyone who suffered through our 2015 season would know that. While it may say something about a team like Toronto, which scores a fairly high amount of runs with fairly high consistency, it takes the Yankees to demonstrate why it more generally means as much as Trump saying he will support whoever the Republican nominee happens to be.

Look at the top 10 teams in terms of avg. runs scored so far this season. Note the season number versus the last three games. Nobody.... NOBODY...in the top 10 shows anything like our inconsistency. (Only LA is even relatively close.) And given last year, I'm betting we maintain that throughout the season. We're like the proverbial broken clock that's right twice a day. Our broken team scores a jazillion runs twice a month (or whatever), and the rest of the time they can't scrape together more than a few hits and even fewer runs. This is a recipe for mediocrity in W-L record.

Sure, we'll have our good stretches where we suddenly put up double digits twice in a week, when the stars align and Jupiter is in Mars and A-Rod isn't in the terlet. 

For the record, our run production so far has been 3, 16, 8, 0, 8, 3, 2 and 2. Good for a 5.25 average!! Whoo. Man, we are fearsome...on occasion.

And we're 4-4. Pitching has allowed us to win one game where we didn't score 8 or more runs. But like last year, our hurlers have to go out there and assume they need to hold the other guys to 2 runs, probably less, to notch a W. I'm not the first guy to bring this up, but that doesn't really bode very well, now, do it?

News Flash ; This is 2015, Only Worse

The boredom creep began early last night.

The Yankees put up two runs at the beginning of the game, just like we used to do last year.

We then gave them back in a flash.

 One errant pitch from our starter who, otherwise, had been pitching well.  A start that, for four full innings,  gave the illusion of possible victory.   Just like that, the fans erupt, we are down 3-2, the batter gets high-fived in the dugout, and the game is over.

My body shivered as I realized this was a replay of how we lost games, all last year.  I looked at my TV screen to verify that it didn't say, " "encore " or "replay" on it.

The difference is that last year, someone would hit the occasional homer to keep things hopeful.  Now, we score because Carlos Beltran beat a throw to first  ( this is not like anything I ever
 remember ) to avoid the rally-killing, double play ball he smacked), and we score a second run on an error, or passed ball.

But our offense was 3 well-spaced hits.  And 27 better placed outs.  Only one shot for a rally in the entire game and that fizzled.

The worst aspect of this was my growing awareness that with the 2 spot up early, the Yankees would do nothing more.  We just play out the clock.  The rest of the innings are a workout for our opponent, and dead time to us.

Nothing exciting in front of me and no expectations, whatsoever.  No drama.  No prayer of a thrilling, come from behind victory.

Only a matter of which Yankee reliever draws the short straw to work us through the final few innings until everyone goes home.

Dreams died early last night.

Should we be reassured that A-Rod isn't "panicking?"

In five of their eight games, the middling 2016 Yankees have scored 3 runs or less. The other three featured offensive blowouts, fattening stats and prompting John & Suzyn to marvel over the deluge.

But last night's loss to Toronto - we scored 2 runs; both gifts - epitomized the Yankees' sorry plight over the last three years. It sure doesn't look like much has changed.

And really, what has? We may have found an everyday 2B who hits over .200, (though I recall Team Yes crowing in recent Aprils over the acquisitions of Brian Roberts and Stephen Drew.) We have Aroldis Chapman on the way. But we always have somebody returning. And unless Chapman can hit, I'm not sure how much he'll change things.

Last night, in inning after inning, it became clear the Yankees were going down silently. Considering their collective ages, there's no reason to think they will make much noise this year. (This isn't about last weekend's weather; think global warming - a long, slow process.) And the man in the middle is one to which we are contractually - and, I guess, spiritually - tethered for eternity. The contract ends in 2017, but A-Rod will always be a Yankee.

Last night, in four at bats, he recorded one "hit" - he was plunked - and bounced three grounders to the shortstop. Considering how he runs - (think: Betty White, carrying a keg) - each ball would have been a DP. He leads the team in strikeouts, with eight. His Small Sample batting average is.120. It's foolish to think he will fall off a cliff and never hit again. But it's reasonable to imagine his skills eroding from last year, when in September he fell off the cliff, seemingly never to hit again.

At age 39, A-Rod hit 33 home runs, batted .250 and drove in 84 runs, batting third or fourth. He grounded into 17 double-plays, tying Chase Headley for the team lead.

If his production diminishes, just a tad, Alex becomes a mediocre DH, a double-play out on a team full of old, slow hitters. He won't bat .120. He'll hit just enough to tantalize us, to keep him in the lineup. He will become the latest in a long conga line of sluggers - from John Mayberry to Vernon Wells, from Danny Tartabull to Pronk - taking curtain calls in Pinstripes... bringing the drip-drip-drip death of double-play balls and lost opportunities.

A-Rod and Girardi are right. There is no cause for panic.

Dread? Now, that's another story...

Tell me again why we're hoping Ivan Nova will turn it around...

This is Nova, last year. The bad outings are bracketed in red.

As you can see, Nova closely adheres to Newton's Third Law - "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." - and the Second Law of Thermodynamics: "An isolated system's entropy never decreases."

He has pitched twice this season. The first outing was fine - no runs. Last night, he got lit up like the exploding star that he is named for.

I don't mean to harp on the guy. Maybe he can be out of the bullpen the pitcher that he could not be in the rotation. But nothing in his record suggests he will.

The Yankees sometimes display the tendency to fall in love with a player - or vice-versa - from the git-go. It's like seeing the beauty as you knew her in high school, even though it's 20 years and 75 pounds later. For some reason, they keep thinking that Nova will find some magical command that he has never been able to consistently maintain. And he might - with another organization.

Never did Bryan Mitchell's swollen big toe haunt me more than last night.

We're so bad against lefties that we're hapless against Happ?

It's a good thing A-Rod didn't start this way last year. The star of our batting order is hitting .136 in Small Sample April. It's way too soon to sniff the glue factory, but if this were spring of 2015, the back page homeys would be demanding a Bronx en-enactment of the Game of Thrones' Red Wedding. This year, he's been Saint Alex of Fox, and he has strode to the plate 22 times, across a media-flung path of rose pedals. Trouble is, he's hiked back eight times with his bat still on his shoulder.

With Alex MIA, against lefty pitchers, the Yankees turn into the Iraqi Army. Tex isn't such a force from the right side, Austin Romine is no Brian McCann, and thus far, Aaron Hicks - (.091) - is a switch-hitting version of Bubba Crosby, or Bubba Trammell. (For whatever it's worth - both John Ryan Murphy in Minnesota, and Chris Young in Boston are hitting a Bubba-esque .125.) And Ronald Torreyes as our backup SS would be a great Cinderella story, except the ball turns into a pumpkin when he throws to first.

It was acceptable for the Yankees to go knock-kneed against Dallas Keuchel. Hell, that's what we do. But J.A. Happ... seriously? For seven years, the guy has been kicked around like Ralph Nader. Happ has pitched for Phily, then Houston, then Toronto, then Seattle, then Pittsburgh, and now Toronto again. He's like the Babadook, following the book wherever it goes. Last night, John and Suzyn were using the "hard-hit-balls" excuse, lamenting the cruel fates, but the Yankees still looked like their 2015 team, a bunch of lifeless drones against lefties.

And a team that goes only as far as its senior citizens can take it. The heart of the line-up remains A-Rod, Tex and Beltran - three guys the owner would decapitate, if we were living under ISIS. And the rotation still needs 250 innings from the combustible combo of CC and Ivan Nova. The cavalry is not necessarily coming.

We know now that Slade Heathcott will not be Josh Hamilton... that Rob Refsnyder is hopelessly cursed... and with Greg Bird gone, there is hole in our future the size of Aaron Judge. Now, he might be ready in August, if he can stop striking out twice a game. Gary Sanchez might be a RH hitting catcher. And James Kaprielian is a long-shot, if you want to believe a guy can virtually vault from college into MLB, without issues. Last spring, we told ourselves Jacob Lindgren could do it. That was simply not true.

So here we go. Help us, Saint Alex. It's 2016. It's time to wake up.

Hub fans bid kibble adieu: Pablo hits the DL

Pablo Sandoval has a shoulder strain. He must have gotten it trying to tie his shoes.

There is always hope, Yankee fans. Always, hope.

Trump v. Yankee greats, via Keith Olbermann

Via the Washington Post.

Trump ripped Jeter and A-Rod after they bolted from his housing projects.

Report from the center of the Yankiverse: Aaron Judge is on fire

Last night, he went 4 for 6.

Overall, he is now 9 for 23, batting .391.

He has walked once, struck out 8 times. (Gotta put the ball in play.)

No home runs, 2 RBIs. Three doubles, no stolen bases.

Against lefties, he is 3 for 10 with 3 strikeouts. (He bats RH.)

Against righties, he is 6 for 13 with 5 strikeouts.

(Gotta put the ball in play.) 

Ahead in the count, he is 4-8. Behind, 0-4.

Is this the year of juju-tortured big toes?

Thus far in 2016, Brian McCann has been the Yankees' best hitter. Last night, his sixth inning HR tied the game, putting to rest any sick reminders of 2014 and 2015 - Yankee teams that could not score in the late innings.

If last night's game had happened in September, it would be one of the great Yankee victories of 2016. As it turns out, it's the game that Brian McCann didn't break his big toe.

The juju gods have declared a cruel jihad against the otherwise jolly-looking, slug-like foot thumb:

Yankee big toes face being clipped in the cross-hairs of fate.

Last night, in the fifth, McCann fouled a ball off his big toe. It hurt like a somebitch. He spent the rest of the game fearing it was broken, an injury that could wreck his season. Just three weeks ago, the Yankees' best pitching surprise of camp, Bryan Mitchell, jammed his big toe while covering first. With luck, he'll be back in July.

WTK, juju gods? Big toes? Guys named Brian? Haven't you something more important to do?

The Yankees won last night through smart play - a crucial bunt from Didi, (our best player?) - and a lock-down bullpen. Last year, Girardi went to his best bullpen arms the way an alcoholic goes to the Jim Beam. By September, everybody was shredded. If our starters cannot get us into the seventh, it might happen again. In the meantime, let's celebrate a great April victory and hope 2016 isn't the year we get big-toed up the wazzoo.

At least we still have Boston...

Hub fans want to bid Panda adieu. David Price couldn't deliver a win. And their super closer walked two batters, and then threw a gopher.

One more meltdown year... is it too much to ask?

Yankees to stay at Steinbrenner Field in Tampa for next 30 years - if Florida stays above sea level

The heirs to the late George M. Steinbrenner III say they will keep the Yankees at George M. Steinbrenner Field in Tampa for the next 30 springs, or the asteroid hits, or the super-bug wipes us out, whichever happens first.

Thirty years.

For those of you scoring at home, in the year 2046, Hal "Food Stamps" Steinbrenner will be 76 and the richest man on the planet. Brian Cashman will be 78, and Trumpian team president Randy Levine will be a bawdy, ribald 91, with his Monsanto-made hairpiece barely pushing 30. If I am not a pile of dust, I hereby vow to find Levine's assisted living facility and punch him in his plastic nose, if only because I vaguely confuse him with Ronald McDonald.

By then, I'll have spent 10 years in a virtual reality helmet, taking felony-grade hallucinogens and playing SS for the Yankees. I'll be living on Little Debbie Snack Cakes that were packaged in 2016, and which still haven't gone stale.

In 2046, A-Rod will be 70, and delighting listeners with his old-man f-bombs on the Yankees Radio Network, driven (literally) by Google.

Geiko will only require 15 seconds to save on insurance. The law firm of Celino & Barnes & Noble will sue God on your behalf, two-faced Bigelow Tea will still support the Yankees and Redsocks.

Luis Severino will be 52 and pitching for the New York State Smokers Quitline. Holograms of John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman will star in the most popular TV sitcom of the year, and calls to the bullpen will be brought to us by our 10-State Audi Dealers.

In 2046, to drive from New York to Tampa will require you to pass through the Republic of Jesus, which will want to see your birth certificate bookmarked in your personal Bible. Won't matter to me: The 666-shaped mole on my skull will exclude me at the checkpoints.

Someday, maybe 500 years from now, divers will find a statue of George M. Steinbrenner under 30 feet of water, and they'll wonder if Ozymandius was just a poem.

One nicked Nick coming, one nicked Nick going

Coming: Nick Swisher - (to Scranton) - even though his knee tendons, by now, must resemble the dusty knot of electric wires below my computer.

Going: Reliever Nick Rumbelow - (from Scranton) - to Tommy John surgery. Which sucks.

Damn. 

The most important person in the Yankiverse, Aaron Judge, has now come to bat 13 times in Scranton...

Three games.

Thirteen plate appearances, 12 at bats.

Three hits, one a double. (That's a batting average of .250.)

He has struck out five times.

He is 1-4 against lefties, 2-8 against righties - same average. (But he has struck out 4 times against righties.)

With runners in scoring position, he is 0-3 with two strikeouts.

If he's ahead in the count, he is 1-3. He has yet to get a hit, if behind in the count.

Nine chances in the field: Eight put-outs and one assist. No errors.

These early washouts - and the looming crunch - remind us all that baseball needs a 154-game schedule

Joe Girardi is bummed. The Yankees don't play tonight. That means two days in a row without games. They can enjoy a veritable all-star break in April, a month known for waterworks - secure in knowing that, come August, they will face a scheduling crunch that is barely a notch below group waterboarding. By then, bullpen elbow tendons will be tearing, and their everyday lineup will be ground to the pulp.

It doesn't have to be this way. Soon, talks will begin on the next MLB-players union agreement. It's time for both sides to do the right thing: Baseball must return to the 154-game schedule.

Eight games. That's what we're talking about. Eliminate eight games. The pennant race still runs molten through September, and games end in early October, (though the World Series doesn't need to conclude in November.) Consider the advantages:

The home run records. 

Quickly now - no Googling - who are the top five MLB single-season HR totals? There's Barry Bonds, right? And Mark McGwire? And Sammy Sosa, and - um - three guys who, if you read the pious Gammonites, cannot set foot in Cooperstown without bursting into flames.

The single-season record stands at 73, held by Bonds. Next comes McGwire at 70, then Sammy Sosa at 66, then McGwire at 65, then Sosa at 64, and Sosa again at 63 and by now, we all get the joke, right? There is no HR record worth remembering, because nobody cares anymore. For a few steroidal years, the game became a pinball arcade. The lords of MLB winked at the use of steroids so fans would forget the 1994-95 strike, then announced a war on drugs. Has anyone ever won a war on drugs?

Thus, baseball tossed aside the greatest record in sports - Babe Ruth's 60 home runs in 1927 - which was achieved in 154 games. Return to 154, and Ruth becomes the gold standard again.

Some might say the HR record would still held by Bonds or McGwire, because maybe they hit more than 60 home runs in a certain 154 games. Those people are fools. You can't choose the first or last 154 games of a season, because it's not the season. Their totals came over 162 games, and they can keep their records - with an asterisk... like Roger Maris received. (BTW, HE SHOULD BE IN THE HALL.)

The grind. 

Last May, the Yankees used 21 pitchers in 22 days, farming somebody out to Scranton nearly every day, to accommodate a ludicrous schedule. At one point, the Yankees played 30 games in 31 days - during which they lost three elbows - Masahiro Tanaka, Chris Martin and Chase Whitley. A pitching staff cannot take 30 games in 31 days.

Once upon a time, teams used 10-pitcher staffs. Now, the Yankees go with 12 or 13 - and it's still not enough. One 15-inning marathon, or 15-14 shootout, and the bullpen becomes a MASH unit.

Eliminating eight games won't change the tenor of a pennant race. It's long enough. Sprinkle eight off-days over the schedule, and who knows - you might save several arms. When a game is rained out - (or postponed due to police-shooting riots) - it won't deal a crushing blow to the team's chances in September, as they play the new "twi-night doubleheader," where entire crowds are replaced. 

Shrink the schedule. Save elbows. Save marriages. Save Babe Ruth. Damn, it's so simple. Let's get this done.

A guy found Sandoval's belt in the stands

Small sample size

But let's enjoy it while it lasts.

The prodigal son - Nick Swisher - might be returning

The highlight of yesterday's win - (along with the DP grounder with no outs in the fifth, which saved CC from being pulled) - came when The Master - in stunning disbelief - announced the big, Swishalicious news:

The Retrieval Empire was on the verge of signing Nick Swisher, Jolly old Saint Nick himself.

Yet another farewell tour...

Long ago, under a previous owner, we acquired Swish for Wilson Betemit, an eternal former super-prospect, and two pitchers - Jeff Marquez and Jhonny Nunez, whose combined careers would amount to 10 MLB innings and an ERA north of 7. He'd flopped in Chicago, pissing off Ozzie Guillen to the point of being banished. Swisher's personality exhibited bi-polar peaks and valleys. He was sort of crazy, and NY was a crap shot.

In four years with the Yankees, he hit 105 HRs and batted .268. On the average, that's better than anything Beltran has done for us since. And when Swish became a free agent, Cleveland courted him with a big, personalized Jumbotron video, the way Ohio State football coaches recruit high school juniors. They gave him nearly $60 million - ouch. We let him go.

Here's the record in Cleveland: 3 years, 32 HRs, 113 RBIs and a batting average of .228. They flipped him to Atlanta for scrap, and he was a horror show. Four home runs, .198. His knees are shot, he's 35, and Atlanta is picking up the tab. He's coming home, but I think it has more to do with his next career than his bat.

If anybody is responsible for the Yankees signing Swisher, it may be Dustin Ackley, who messed up two balls Friday against the Tigers, while Joe rested Mark Teixeira at 1B. I think Joe realized that if - or when - Tex goes down, we have no everyday 1B. Now, we do... maybe.

We have Swisher until June 15, when an opt-out clause kicks in. On that day, we either bring him up, or he can go anywhere.

But I think something else is going on here:

I think Swish is the kind of Rex Hudler/Boomer Esiason nut-job personality who could become a YES yes-man or even a radio host. New York is where he needs to be. (Not Scranton.) And who knows... maybe, just maybe, we will hear John yell "Swishalicious" one more time.

Live Blog ( cont).

Things are moving a little bit more slowly, but I have hardly noticed.

5 shots in, I watched CC waddle out to the mound to start the 7th.

I was starting to wonder if something had happened to this guy.  He is throwing stuff at 77 mph.  And I mean, this is an entire new type of Ju-Ju.  I planned on not having to drink ( assuming CC would implode ) and would up drinking to his success.  Hard to beat.

When CC got pulled with a baserunner aboard in the 7th, I had to make a call.  There was no rule book on my dilemma.

If the Yankees hold Detroit to no runs, despite CC's baserunner, do I credit CC with the full inning of no runs?

Well, what's his name got lit up , so my dilemma  became academic.

However, given that the shot glass was already full......

See you later.  I need a snooze.

Swish has come home

If we can get Matsui and Damon on board, it could be 2009 all over again. Though they may only get to regroup in Scranton.

Still, always liked Nick. And God knows, we need another outfielder. (cough)

At 35, Nick will also bring down our average age, and fits neatly into the new youth movement.

I wish him an impressive year.

My Version of A Live Blog

I am 3 shots in ( CC ) and feeling no pain.  Top of fourth just commencing.

The speed of the game has me consuming one shot about every twenty minutes, so far.

CC must have it in for me.

But I am having a good time.

If he goes the distance, I may become a problem.

Stay tuned.

More Proof That Yankees Are Second Tier in NYC

I started counting eggs this morning.  Each egg is the equivalent of  a full page in the NY Post sports section.  This morning, the coverage of the Mets included a back page plus 5 single pages inside.

The Yankees earned two eggs, one broken in the carton.  There isn't much to write when a team scores no runs, and ekes out three meaningless hits.  Sounds like their "play-in " game performance of last fall.  The gateway to the playoffs for garbage teams. Now the Yankees, " bar of achievement."

Today, however, the Canadian Club challenge commences.   One shot of CC for every scoreless inning Sabathia pitches.

You just can't go wrong.

Unless, of course, he throws nary a goose-egg.

Among Democrats, what's the difference between a Yankee fan and a Met fan?

(Stolen from Reddit)

When a Yankee fan hears about "Bernie," he thinks of Williams.

When a Met fan hears it, he thinks of Madoff.

Yogi Vu: Today starts the CC "End of Times" Watch, and we have been here before

Today, CC Sabathia launches what has become his annual bid to remain relevant. He seeks to hold the coveted Yankee fifth starter slot, and his truest competition just underwent surgery and will miss four months. Of course, CC still must stave off the immortal Ivan Nova to spare himself - a borderline Hall of Famer - the indignity of bullpen duty, a role he has never known.

It's hard to imagine a more larger-than-life Yankee shrinking more painfully, right before our eyes - stuck in the purgatory between mediocrity and retirement. CC is heading into the Place of Pavano, the Ismuth of Igawa. In a perfect world, he would announce that 2017 will be his final season, triggering a farewell tour. The fact is, he'll be lucky to make the start of 2017.

So here we are... watching the last throes - or throws - of another great.

We saw Roger Clemens devolve into a hyperventilating psychopath, whose idea of a quality start was five innings and four runs. (A-Rod, Bonds and McGwire have mended fences; why is Clemens still a baseball pariah?) We watched David Cone, Jimmy Key and Doc Gooden fall apart. We never really saw the heydays of Randy Johnson or Kenny Rogers, who arrived past their sell-by dates. Part of the legends of Andy Pettite and Mike Mussina was their ability to finish their careers as quality pitchers. Not many do.

Well, you can't predict baseball, somebody once said. Today, we'll begin to see how much CC has left. But he has been collapsing for four years. He tried losing weight. He tried putting it back on. He even tried drinking. He is a Dorian Gray painting of scarred knees, inflamed hamstrings and overworked capillaries. If there is one inevitability about the 2016 Yankees, it is that CC will tweak something. And he'll still have 2017 on his contract.

In this world, I have no problem with players getting all the money they can. As far as I'm concerned, CC has earned every penny of the Steinbrenner inheritance, and any fan who would deride him, because the Yankees cut a bad deal should go root for the Brewers. Unlike his dad, though, Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner refuses to spend on a replacement. He'll wring the final innings out of every paycheck. I'd rather boo the owner than a guy who helped us win the World Series.

Today, we'll get a glimpse of what's to come. But we have been here before. A season is beginning, and a career is ending. To honor CC, we had better score some runs.

It was high, it was far, it was caught - no, it was gone.

Whoops.

Not only that, but John also missed a call at home plate, calling a Tiger out - then safe.

I think the in-game promos are getting to The Master.

John's takeaways from today's loss

1. The Tigers pitched well.

2. The Yankees "have no kick" about this loss. No close play or call went against them.

3. When you only get three hits over nine innings, you're probably not going to win.

4. It doesn't help when one of your three hits comes in the ninth when you are down by four.

5. The game time, two hours and forty four minutes; let's take a short break on the WFAN/New York Yankees Radio Network, driven by Jeep...