Restroom monitor Curt Schilling tweets against the oncoming scourge

To the surprise of nobody, Curt Schilling - the bankrupt, transgender Sarah Palin of ESPN - has once again slithered his way into a self-inflicted crossfire, although sadly, this one doesn't involve Hitler. 

The latest episode of That Darn Curt - titled "The Phantom Menace" - stems from a series of rage-filled tweets, re-tweets and blog deliriums on the Far Right Straw Man Terror of the Month: The looming threat to our children of transgender people peeing in public restrooms.

As far as I can tell, Curt doesn't want them peeing anywhere. Period. When in public, they should cross their legs and hold water. It's not that America is facing a wave of hormonal-crazed restroom abductions. It's just that real Americans hate anybody who is different, and denying them a place to piss is a neat way to hit them where it hurts.

Curt wants male transsexuals to pee in the men's rooms, regardless of how they look or what they're wearing. Penises peeing with penises, which makes perfect sense, unless you picture Curt at a urinal beside what looks like a evening-gowned supermodel - a photo I'd pay money to see. In that case, wouldn't it make sense if the babe in the mini-skirt just finds a booth in the ladies room, squats and pees, and no newly state-empowered lug nut bothers to demand a birth certificate?

Every few months, like a smoke-detector with a faulty battery, Schilling tweets about some new menace to America from the godless, commie-loving left. (Some of these threats come from web sites that fear lizard alien shape-shifters.) There's always a boogieman. Last time I looked, if a wacko endangers a kid in a restroom, there are plenty of laws to put him away. I didn't realize we needed to deputize the citizenry to patrol our bathrooms and keep everyone on their rightful throne.

If ESPN has one shred of morality - or guts - Schilling should never make another peep on that network. Don't worry about Curt. He'll hook up with Fox News or Trump or David Duke, or somebody who specializes in Nazi metaphors and racial dog whistles. What a putz. But next time you gotta go, make sure you have your papers.