FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Monday, April 4, 2016

"The biggest, elitist assholes in all of sports..." On Opening Eve, John Oliver undresses the Yankees for their ticket policy

The cavalcade of Bond villains from John Oliver's Last Week Tonight show on HBO now includes the chicken industry, congressional fundraisers, Donald Drumpf and the New York Yankees.

Last night, Oliver devoted nearly five minutes to the Retrieval Empire's new anti-Stubhub, anti-fan ticket policy, which is designed to suck off the 1 percenters who can afford "Legend" quality seats, and make sure they never have to sit next to the rest of us. As satire goes, this was a layup, resurrecting Lonn Trost's foot-biting radio comments from this winter, when the reanimated Yankee suit corpse talked about keeping middle-income fans from areas where they do not belong. It drew angry moans from Oliver's studio audience.

Oliver then announced that he will award two Legends quality behind-home-plate game seats - for 25 cents apiece - for fans to attend two Yankee games this year, on one condition: They dress to make their appearance on national TV worthwhile. There will obviously be a followup, and I can't wait. Oliver concluded by saying, "Enjoy the game, and please give A-Rod our best."

We've discussed the chance of 2016 bringing the long prophesied Yankee apocalypse - I'd call it a core meltdown, but we have no core - the collapse where we fall out of contention for even the Wild Card, (which merely requires a .500 record to stay viable.) I don't think it will happen this year, but the cliff just became starker, and the terrain grew rockier. If the Yankees get off to a horrible start, they will face a wave of criticism that will make this blog look like Suzyn's Clubhouse Report.

Enjoy Oliver's piece.



 https://youtu.be/6J9viOvUbOY

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I THINK IT WAS ME, (AND MY 2 FRIENDS), WHO LAUNCHED LONN TROST TO BEGIN THIS NEW TICKET POLICY....... LAST YEAR, I DECIDED TO TREAT 2 OF MY YOUNG FRIENDS/EMPLOYEES WHO WORK FOR ME TO A YANKEE GAME IN THE "AUDI ROOM" WHICH IS RIDICULOUSLY PRICED AT ABOUT $140 PER TICKET....THEY ARE BOTH REAL YANKEE FANS, AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COOL FOR THEM TO SEE A GAME AS A "1% PERCENTER.".......YOU WATCH THE GAME BEHIND THICK GLASS, AND TREAT YOURSELF TO A GOURMET BUFFET OF FOOD WHILE YOU WATCH THE GAME. ALCOHOL NOT INCLUDED.....(OF COURSE, THIS IS WHY THE STADIUM ISN'T THE SAME, ASSHOLES (LIKE ME, ARE EATING FUCKING BULLSHIT FOOD AND DRINKING JACK AND DIET COKE ALL GAME, ENCOMPASSED INSIDE A GLASS ROOM)....THE PLAYERS CAN'T HEAR YOU CHEER, AND ROOMS LIKE THIS ARE KIND OF RUINING THE ATMOSPHERE AT THE STADIUM.....ANYWAY, WHEN THE GAME ENDED AND THE YANKS GLORIOUSLY WON, WE WERE ALL TRASHED, AND PROCEEDED TO EXIT AND TAKE THE TRAIN HOME......AS WE WERE EXITING, RIGHT BEFORE WE GOT ON THE ELEVATOR TO GO DOWN, I SPOTTED LONN TROST, (WITH THAT "DUTCH-BOY" HAIR STYLE OF HIS, AND I LOUDLY CALLED OUT, "LONN!...HEY, LONN!...IN LONN, WE TROST!"......THE 2 FRIENDS/EMPLOYEES OF MINE, (ALSO TRASHED, EVEN MORE SO), DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE, BUT THEY KNEW HIS NAME- THEY WERE YELLING HIGH PITCHED, "LONN!...LONN!...LONN!" ..............AS I WAS ABLE TO SEE LONN'S FACE LESS THAN 10 FEET AWAY, I COULD FEEL HIS DISCOMFORT AS THE YOUNGSTERS WERE YELPING....(BTW, THOSE 2 KNUCKLEHEADS AREN'T THAT YOUNG, ONE IS 29, THE OTHER IS 27)........ SO, I'M SORRY YANKEE FANS, I MAY HAVE BEEN THE CAUSE OF THIS NEW YANKEE TICKET POLICY...... WE TRIED TO BE 1% PERCENTERS....IT DIDN'T WORK OUT....