Thursday, April 28, 2016

Beached boys: The two run-run-run, the two run-run

The Master is wrong. You can predict baseball.

It's easy. All you need to do is wait for the Bronx Boredoms to score two runs, and then announce, "That's our show, thanks for coming, Miami Beach is the greatest audience in the world! Goonight, everybody!"

Listen: It's not even May 1, and I'm ready to shout MAYDAY. I am already sick of this team, this season, and this insufferable, Godot-like wait for some ray of hope. Every team we face unveils a 21-year-old rising star, the likes of whom - were he a Yankee - would generate apocalyptic 24-7 coverage by the YES mush machine. Instead, we're supposed to get excited about reclaiming scrap heap projects that have been kicked to the curb by their previous teams.

No. I take it back. We're supposed to sit happily and wait for A-Rod, Tex, CC, Headley, Ellsbury, Nova, et al, to start producing - even though it will only mean short term benefits if they do. It will mean we will justify burning another three months, as each climbs toward his concrete ceiling, which has been steadily caving in due to age and injuries. How many HRs does A-Rod hit this year? Twenty-five? With a batting average of .240? Is that our third hole DH? Each one deserves to shine in a supporting cast of emerging stars. Instead, they're packed like Syrian refugees into the same leaky boat, lost at sea and headed for collapse.

Worse, it's just so boring. The Yankees are a HR/K team in a HR/K sport. We score when someone hits a homer. Our pitcher dominate - lots of Ks - except for the occasional mistakes, which fly out of the park. Joe Girardi blames the over shift. The fans simply mourn the death of the adaptive player, the Lou Pinella or Roy White. They say you can't teach old dogs new tricks. At some point, you gotta put the dog down. Two runs a game. Last place. Mayday. Mayday. Mayday...

5 comments:

KD said...

OIK, I've figured out a way to tolerate this mess. Go to the App Store and install At Bat on your smart phone or iPad (or both!). Turn on the notifications. Now you can watch TV, talk with friends, drink, build a birdhouse, whatever and not be bored by the Yanks. You'll get notified if something interesting is happening (which, let's be honest, isn't all that often). Then you can switch to the game for a bit. And when you see it's a false alarm, as it almost always is, go back to doing something constructive. This works!

John M said...

Interesting that you mentioned Roy White, Duque. He was a rookie on the last-place 1966 team. He was jointed in '67 by another promising young rookie named Bobby Murcer.

If we're very, very lucky, they'll let someone onto the roster who turns out as well as Roy.

Tom said...

Yes, a Roy White equivalent would be an excellent addition, as John says. Right now, there is nobody even as interesting as Roy White and certainly not as fun as young Bobby Murcer. I'm sorry to turn into Angry Old Man talking about how it was better back in my day, but geez, the game and the team have devolved into something a lot more boring than what it used to be. I mean I do remember questioning, with some gusto, the value of Tom Tresh, but it always seemed like there was something there worth cheering for. Now, we've got the Retrieval Empire and the Bronx Boredoms, as Duque calls them, and they are all so enthusiastically mediocre that it is an unwatchable waste of time.

Anonymous said...

WE SAW THIS COMING......OUR HITTING GOT WORSE AND WORSE AND WORSE EVERY SINGLE YEAR FOR THE PAST 3 -5 YEARS.....BRIAN CASHMAN'S COMMENT OF "WE DON'T NEED ANY HITTING, WE HAVE PLENTY OF IT", AFTER THE 2012 END OF SEASON AND PLAYOFF HITTING DEBACLE, WAS AS DESTRUCTIVE A THOUGHT IN OVER 20 YEARS FOR THIS TEAM.......SO BY 2014 WE SIGN JACOBY ELLSBURY, AND IT HASN'T WORKED OUT....WE SIGNED CHASE HEADLEY IN 2015 AND THAT ISN'T WORKING OUT...WHAT DO YOU DO?.....WELL, HAL, YOU DON'T SIT ON YOUR ASS AND COUNT MONEY ALL DAY.....THE YANKEES ARE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR OPERATION, WORTH OVER 3 BILLION DOLLARS.....IF YOU HAVE TO BITE THE FUCKING BULLET, YOU BITE THE FUCKING BULLET, OR FIND A WAY TO GET RID OF YOU NON-PRODUCERS, (JUST LIKE THE RED SOX DID WITH JOSH BECKETT, AND CARL CRAWFORD)!...THEY DID IT...WHY CAN'T WE?.....WE CAN'T BECAUSE SORRY TO SAY THIS, BUT BRIAN CASHMAN SUCKS AS A GM.....HE OUT AND OUT SUCKS, THERE'S NO TWO WAYS AROUND IT.....

Mikegyro said...

That's where I'm at!