My only qualm about that sign is that I'd add the words "Tim McCarver" somewhere. (Sorry about the fuzziness. I took this right after taking a few swigs from the flask of "lucky tequila" that Alfonso had provided to me before the game. I don't remember much after that. When I woke up this morning, I was told the Yankees won.) 
Freddy has faith in this team. Maybe someone should let Freddy know that we won three more Series titles after 1996. Perhaps Freddy had some of that "lucky tequila" after the 1996 WS. ...
Traitor Tracker: .261
Last year, this date: .291
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Signs at Yankee Stadium during Game 6
10 Fine Things To Yell at Pedro Martinez
1. Hey, everybody. Here's a man who stands by his word! Ask Grady Little!
2. Go the distance, Pedro. All five innings!
3. Sorry, Pedro, Don Zimmer isn't here. Want a piece of Yogi Berra?
4. Look, it’s the man who pitched Boston to the World Series! No, check that: Tim Wakefield couldn't make it.
5. Go ahead, Pedro, throw at him! If a guy can’t dodge a 72-mile-an-hour fastball, he deserves to get beaned.
5. Go ahead, Pedro, throw at him! If a guy can’t dodge a 72-mile-an-hour fastball, he deserves to get beaned.
6. Hey, Pedro, sorry to hear about your dwarf dying. It must be awful not to have somebody who looks up to you!
7. That dwarf was almost the only person short enough to give decent butt injections!
8. Careful, Pedro! Your pitch count is nearing 40!
9. I still can’t believe Boston let you go! Those people know NOTHING about building a championship team!
10. Hey, Pedro, take on any 75 year olds lately? The key is to throw at their walkers!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Yankees fans give an in-depth analysis of the relative strengths and weaknesses of the Philadelphia Phillies
From my trip to Game 6 of the ALCS.
Hal is a real man
In the midst of last night's celebration, Young Hal Steinbrenner called to his factotum, Reggie, as he fetched a beer for him: “A regular beer please! No ‘light!’”
Light (or "lite") beer is for girls. Hal knows this.
Remember that, kids. Take it from your Uncle Whitey. And your pal, Hal!
File under
beer,
Hal Steinbrenner,
teachable moments
Redsock Nation shows Rudy Giuliani what they thought of his 2007 White Dove of Peace initiative
When he announced his Gandhi-like intentions to root for Boston in the 2007 post-season, Rudy learned the hard way what most of us learn in the schoolyard:
The only good Redsock fan is a whipped and spiritually beaten one.
So let's give them another dose of culture.
Autumn in New England
Goblin face with tortured eyes,
Crusted skins on pumpkin pies,
Leaves a-crumbling, brown and red,
Like Ted Williams' head.
.
Children kicking there and here,
Soccer with the frozen sphere!
Playing near the old woodshed,
With Ted Williams' head.
Soccer with the frozen sphere!
Playing near the old woodshed,
With Ted Williams' head.
.
Youk still angry; Dustin, short,
Bro still in and out of court;
Papi's pee still glowing red,
Like Ted Williams' head.
.
Bro still in and out of court;
Papi's pee still glowing red,
Like Ted Williams' head.
.
Old John Henry, back to scratch,
Two Viagras, down the hatch!
Owner's wife asleep in bed,
Like Ted Williams' head.
.
Two Viagras, down the hatch!
Owner's wife asleep in bed,
Like Ted Williams' head.
.
Dice K throwing every day,
Elbow hurts? He'll be OK!
Schilling's heel still painted red,
Like Ted Williams' head.
.
Elbow hurts? He'll be OK!
Schilling's heel still painted red,
Like Ted Williams' head.
.
Redsock Nation, full of fight,
Nothing on TV tonight.
Days grown chilly, cold and dead,
Like Ted Williams' head.
Nothing on TV tonight.
Days grown chilly, cold and dead,
Like Ted Williams' head.
NY Mag Still Humping Outmoded, 35-point WinWarble Rating System
It's hard to imagine, in this day and age, a mainstream publication still clinging to a horse-and-buggy WinWarble measurement scale, such as New York Magazine's use of the 35-point Sterling Deconstruction Rating System.
We tried to talk to them. We've noted -- kindly, without use of hurtful sarcasm -- the need for a 100 point scale, in the Spinal Tappian sense.
They don't listen. They're young, impetuous. They need to learn the hard way.
But they do make a few decent points -- especially about John's need for a Marinano Game-Ender Call.
Hey, give them a visit. We're always happy to help youngsters enter the 21st century of Scientific WinWarble Analysis.
Sterling Index Nearly Off the Charts
They said John was done.
We all heard the whispers:
"He can't bring it. He's too old. He can't go nine. When we get into the post, he'll choke, like he has for the last eight years!"
Well, Critics... choke on this:
POST-SEASON STERLING AVERAGE:
7.95 SECONDS
7.95 SECONDS
John Power-Warbles a Marathon, 10.62-second Indicator of What's To Come
Hear The Master grunt, bellow, whinny, wheedle and streeee-retch this wailing baby out into the next realm.
Yeah, she's verbally enhanced -- we knew she would be, (See: Official WinWarble Regulations, Article 3, Section II: Effects of Key Series or Post-Season Clinching Circumstance Scenarios on Warblizer Calculation Sequence.) But this one is for the ages.
The Master Calls Our Name: League Championship Edition
John said the name of our blog last night as Teix brutalized the Angels with the ultimate sacrifice fly. Thanks to anonymous commenter Anonymous, you can hear it!!
File under
John Sterling
10 Reasons Why We Will Beat the Phillies
1. If you think about it, nothing has really changed since 1950.
2. Joe Girardi can finally micro-manage a game as if it's the World Series.
3. Yank fans determined to avenge humiliations of beloved crosstown brothers, the Mets.
4. Karma... because the Eagles will probably pummel floundering Gints next Sunday.
5. Scranton is actually Pennsylvania's premier city! (Wilkes Barre, second.)
6. We never dreamed of getting a final shot at Pedro.
7. Future Yankee Carl Crawford's valiant work in gifting us the home field advantage.
8. In Game 4, the world will be reminded that CC Sabathia can actually hit.
9. The Curse of ARod has been lifted.
10. MLB knows that if the Yanks don't win, we'll sign three more free agents next month.
Finally, FINALLY, Bobby Abreu (and his team) hits the wall
In the bottom of the third, Georgie -- last night's DP machine -- nearly juiced one, a towering seagull to right. Abreu went back -- bah-bah-bah-back -- and caught it, crashing into the wall!
BOBBY ABREU... CRASHING INTO THE WALL!
Well, bumping into one, anyway. (It wasn't exactly Minnie Minoso.)
Good for Bobby! Being grand sportsmen and sportswomen -- and seeing how we made them our bitches -- Yankee fans shall deliver unto Bobby no malice! Former Yankee. Great smile. Always ran out grounders. Bravo!
This was supposed to be Bobby's October 2009 Revenge Tour. He would be Liam Neeson, finding and killing the slimy bastards who yanked his daughter out from under the bed. For two years, those Redsock Nation inbreds at Fenway screamed things at him would give William S. Burroughs bad dreams. Then he would bring down the Yankees and Phillies, the two ex-employers who gave him the pink slip. This would be the Vengeance of Abreu.
Instead, it's the We-Ditched-Abreu-And-Look-How-Everything-Crumbled World Series -- a match-up of the two teams that flourished, as soon as they got rid of him.
Well, at least it's not Bobby's fault. He recorded an RBI last night. And he crashed into a wall. Well, bumped, into one, anyway.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
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