AROD's statement - the director's cut!

With BONUS THOUGHTS NOT AVAILABLE IN THE ORIGINAL RELEASE!!!!




After spending time with Cynthia and my family (and the occasional stripper) over these last few weeks, it became clear to me that I needed to make an attempt to engage the Yankees regarding my future with the organization. (Boy, the Angels offer was low; and the Red Sox and Mets told me to get lost. Even Torre didn't return my calls.)

Prior to entering into serious negotiations with other clubs, (Anyone need a third baseman? Anyone? Please?) I wanted the opportunity to share my thoughts directly with Yankees' ownership. We know there are other opportunities for us, (Yeah, right. Shit, it's been so bad I actually considered the Mud Hens offer for a minute.) but Cynthia and I have a foundation with the club that has brought us comfort, stability and happiness. (We just love the New York media.)

As a result, I reached out to the Yankees through mutual friends (Acquaintances, really; I don't have any actual friends) and conveyed that message. I also understand that I had to respond to certain Yankees concerns, (The first thing Cash said to me was "Thanks for the text message, fuckface. Go crawl in a hole and die.") and I was receptive and understanding of that situation. (I groveled.)

Cynthia and I have since spoken directly with the Steinbrenner family. (She left the FUCK YOU T-Shirt at home this time) During these healthy discussions, both sides were able to share honest feelings and hopes with one another, (Hank made me kiss his ring) and we expect to continue this dialogue with the Yankees over the next few days. (I have to grovel some more.)