YANKEETORIAL: Leave A-Rod Alone

OPEN LETTER TO FANS:
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You suck. Get out of baseball, now.
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You’re mad because A-Rod makes big bucks. Just because you aren’t worth $30 million a year doesn’t mean he isn’t. Frankly, you’re not worth a nickel. Anybody can sit in the stands and boo millionaires. It doesn’t take talent. You could be replaced by homeless people. The Chinese could provide fresh fans for pennies. Hell, a sound track with cardboard cutouts could replace you -- and do a better job!
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You are what’s wrong with baseball!
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The scoreboard says, “NOISE,” so what do you do? You clap like trained seals. If the scoreboard says, “MOO,” would you moo? Of course, you would!
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If we ran the scoreboard, it would say, “KILL YOURSELVES.”
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And nobody would miss you.
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Oh, we can hear you now, plopped on your couches, clicking on YES to watch reruns of reruns of reruns of Yankee victories from 1995, and blathering, as the chips and dip spray from your pig-like maws, “A-Rod mape too much momey. I hape him!”
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Tuck in your shirts, you obese fools.
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A-Rod's going to be the game’s greatest home run hitter ever, replacing a predicate felon, and you boo him because you can’t afford gas. You vote Republican, watch Fox News and boo A-Rod, because he’s rich. Or vote Democrat, listen to NPR and boo A-Rod because he’s rich.
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Go home, all of you. Go stand at Gate D of the NY Jet games, screaming at women to drop their halters. That’s all you’re good for.
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Frankly, the game would improve if India sent mobs of untouchables to sit in the stands, eat cats and watch videos of Laura Bush crap on secret service agents. It would be an improvement over you.
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You should not be allowed into baseball games. You should be forced to watch YES reruns of reruns of reruns of horror-filled Yankee losses, like the entire post-season for the last six years, with your eyes clamped open, until you’ve been Clockwork Oranged into rooting for Nascar phonies or pro wrestlers, or Dancing with the Stars, or whatever slush the Skull & Bones Society is now troweling out.
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You are ruining baseball for everybody.

MOO.