An intolerable insult to Yankee fans

To the Yankiverse:

Once upon a time, we were respected, admired, revered, beloved... and most of all feared for our powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal man.
Today, we are treated like cows in a shower stall, expected to mooingly re-swallow the bitterest cud in history.

A major TV network insults us, airing a nightly show that features a being whose very craven image roils our emotions into a festering gout-brown rage.


Yes. Mr. Fever Pitch.

Did they think we'd forget? Did they think us so shallow that we'd sit complacently in our puddles of bile, consuming glasses of warm milk before bedtime and ignoring what evil this man -- this monster -- once celebrated?

He climbed into the stands with Shrew Barrymore to cheer pure Redsock evil and live happily ever after, as Christian moviegoers nationwide puked into their popcorn bags and prayed for an asteroid to burn us alive, sending us to hell pre-fried and crispy.

We are supposed to accept this?

We say no. We say never. We say, KIRRRRRRRRRRK!

WE WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS YAZ-UNDERWEARED, REDSOCK TWINKLETWAT BEAMED NIGHTLY INTO OUR HOMES, INTO OUR LIVES, IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR PADDLE-FEARING CHILDREN AND FINEST CHINAWARE!

WE WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS INSULT!

American culture, you think you're big.

You have made a serious mistake. You have gone too far. And you shall pay.

Oh. Yes. You. Shall. Pay.

WHAT DO WE WANT? EQUAL TIME FOR BILLY CRYSTAL!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!

NO CRYSTAL, NO PEACE! NO CRYSTAL, NO PEACE!

This ain't over.