YES Network Wins 13 Emmys

Thirteen local Emmys.

What? You didn't know about local Emmys? Where do you live, Solvay? Today, all media awards are local, and all media people are award-winners.

Actually, Emmys are not all YES has won. Recently, they took:

Two Local Heisman Trophys... Best Collegiate Sportscast (Yankeeography) and Best Amateur Presentation (Center Stage)

Three Nobel Prizes... Literature (Joe Torre, "The Yankee Years"), Chemistry (Alex Rodriguez) and Physics (Alex Rodriguez' girlfriends).

Three Oscars... Best Actor (Brian Cashman, "I Love You, Man"), Best Special Effects (Billy Madden, "Inkheart"), Best Soundtrack (John Sterling, "Lycans: Rise of the Underworld")

One Congressional Medal of Honor... The Steinbrenner Famiily, for meritorious spending.

One Pulitzer... Investigative Reporting (No byline: "Pavano, in mid-season form, to start home opener")

Five Cub Scout Wolf Badges... (Brett Gardner, Mark Melancon, Austin Jackson, Jesus Montero, Phil Hughes)

58,343 Golden Globes... (Everyone attending final game)

Five Tonys... (Kubek, Lazzari, Tarasco, Clark, Pena)