Boston Is Playing Into Our Hands

I think we are headed for an 0-19 run against the Red Sox this season.

Then, we'll jump them in the playoffs and send them home weeping.

Here's why?

1. AJ Burnett used to regularly beat the top dogs in the AL East. That meant he feasted on the Yankees and the Catsup Socks. So we bought him for $87 million, and he has no regrets.

He is still beating the Yankees.

In October, he is bound to go five innings against Boston at least once, and hold them to 5 runs where we'll have a shot.

2. Chin Ming - No longer qualifying for pitch counts, Chin is on a "run count." As soon as Chinny yields 14 earned runs tonight he get's pulled no matter the pitch count.

Phil Hughes is rested and will have to close out the game. Our best prospect will become expert at cleaning up no pressure, mop-up, blowout losses.

I know a guy in Taiwan who has rituals that might help Chin Ming. He helped a local bus driver once, who also feared corners.

3. Cashman's draft picks - for the first time since 2005, we used our top pick on a position player. Unfortunately, he plays two or three. I know he plays outfield when he isn't pitching.

Our last pure position player pick was C.J. Henry who now sells light fixtures at a Home Depot in Enid, Oklahoma.

Nonetheless, this abrupt change in strategy will worry Theo Epstein. Perhaps so much so that he will trade one or two of their 20 year-old , minor league MVPs for Doc Halliday from Toronto.

4. Andy Pettitte will keep winning games with a 7.14 ERA and 6 walks per game. By season's end, Andy will hold the pitch count record for innings pitched.

It is disconcerting and demoralizing when teams lose games to him. This is our edge.

5. Our one worry is that opponents are figuring out they should pitch to A-Rod and not pitch to Tex. Accordingly, I expect A-Rod will lead the league in double
plays ( hit into...killing rallies ) by a single player.

Yankee fans have harbored this "fear of discovery" since day one of the A-Rod signing.

6. The recent undressing of the Yankees began when they became victims of the single greatest sports failure of all time up in Boston.

That playoff loss led to Boston becoming America's darling team, winning two world series, trashing the Curse of the Babe, and ruining the Yankee psyche for all eternity.
Our only hope for a rebound from this mental meltdown will occur when the Yankees have no one active from that era.

Not in coaching, not in broadcasting, not coming to old timer's games, not in throwing out the first pitch to open a new season, nada. We need new Yankee players who can't read and don't have cable tvs or any electronic devices whatsoever.

We might consider starting a development league amongst the Inuit.

7. Tim Wakefield - I expect him to go 8 innings tonight and have at least two Yankees incur rib cage strains for swinging too hard at nothing.

But in October, he'll be 65. At some point, the Yankees have to get a hit off of him even without Aaron Boone.

8. So how will beat them in October?

Melancon, Brackman, Kennedy and Aceves will be our starting four. Like Reynolds, Raschi, Lopat and Ford.

Joba will be in the bullpen, trying to regain his mojo.

I'll be watching football.