Tuesday, June 30, 2009

An Open Letter to Brian Cashman

Dear Madam or Sir,

As you know, the next few weeks launch the annual Major League Baseball Midseason Bum Dump.

Soon, Arizona and Cleveland will demand huge packages from us in return for middling players, whom they will then ship to our competitors for much less. They appease their fan base by snubbing the big bad Yankees.

This year, please, tell them to shove it.

Need relievers? Call Scranton. Zach Greinke. Mark Melancon. Edwar. Jonathan. That guy, Bush. Every one of them has as a good a chance of pitching well in August than some shopped-around 30-year-old who's had a good first-half, and whose arm is about go Xavier Nady.

Remember Jay Witasik? Unhittable... before we got him. NEVER FORGET JAY WITASIK.

Felix Heredia? Gabe White? Alan Embree? We need guys on the way up, not guys on the way down.

Need a hitter? Call Scranton.

Sheesh, if you overlook Shelley Duncan, why bother to have a Triple A franchise? We know he can hit. We saw him do it. He's got energy. He's got pride. He fought for Francisco Cervelli, and WE WILL NEVER FORGET!

Bring 'em up. BRING HIM UP. BRING HIM UP!

NO BAD TRADES... EVEN IF IT MEANS NO TRADES AT ALL.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the common sense. Why are we waiting for the finished X man and using the .240 Swisher and washed up Matsui when we can have the power hitting tough guy in Shelley Duncan. Oh yeah he can field,also.
Cashman is a failure as a GM, the Stick built the champions, he just inherited a good team and did nothing with it(Bobby Abreau, Kei Igawa, Johnny Damon, Hidekei matsui and Nick "the bench warmer" Swisher)

Dennis Tampa

Unknown said...

Shelley can field? Are you sure you aren't thinking of Mariano Duncan?

Anonymous said...

Yes! Excellent post!

adam said...

ROFL SWISHER HITS .240 BUT HE'S ONE OF OUR MOST VALUABLE OFFENSIVE PLAYERS HOW IS THAT POSSIBAL?!?!?!?!?

I hate you guys (not duque), sometimes.