Dear Madam or Sir:
In case you haven't noticed -- that is, if you've been living in Idaho and taking your news from the Glenn Beck Show -- John Sterling is on fire, spitting out 6-plus second WinWarbles in a free and easy motion, just getting the ball from Posada and throwing. He's not over-thinking. He's not second-guessing. He's not breathing. He is warbling unconscious.
We are witnessing a rare, almost unprecedented event, the most catclysmic broadcast booth phenomenon since Mel Allen's brain exploded during the 1963 World Series: We are watching a veteran announcer illustrate full command of tongue, lungs, larnyx, nasal passages and diaphragm -- the 5-tool Voice, driven by Jeep --and we are hearing history with every Warble. And if John Sterling is denied the 2009 Frick Award, it's because the sportswriters have a sex thing about Yankees, and Glenn Beck is right: It is time to take up guns against The Man.
Right now, John could easily toss a 5-second warble onto a loss. He's like Paris Hilton modeling in icepick pumps on a Singapore catwalk. That's how cool and comfortable he's warbling. And some of you out there -- yeah, you, Mr. and Mrs. Anonymous -- you seem to think it's easy, blathering for nine innings with your hand stroking a 65-year-old woman's knee, then rumbling up from the depths of your pacemaker a hellfire 6.37-second WinWarble -- which is what John threw out last night.
A 6.37 second WinWarble.
Well, try it. Go ahead, Alphonso. Try it, SuperFrankenstein. Tee it up, Fraud. Coo us a winner, She-Fan! Get out the stop watches, everybody. You think you're Sterling Tough?
After four seconds, your lungs will catch fire. After five, you'll be lying on the floor in your soiled underwear.
If you even get within sight of six seconds, just maybe you'll see God.
Or Sterling.
Listen to this juggernaut and sing along... if you dare.
JOHN STERLING FOR FRICK AWARD IN 2009... OR KILL THE UMPIRES!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Open Letter to the Yankiverse: We challenge you to match John's 6.37 WinWarble
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3 comments:
It is pretty clear that even a trained Diva, such as Whitney Houston, can no longer do a warble of that length.
She lost her voice last night, during a concert in Central Park ( for those of you tuning in from Utah).
How many inches exactly did John produce last night? Er...I mean seconds?
El duque: credit where credit is due... very nice post right there.
I couldn't agree more. People think what he does is easy. He just makes it look easy. It is not. He is a master of his craft, a true inspiration.
I don't quite get it. With all due respect to John, the WinWarble record is 8.02 seconds. This most recent warble lasted just 6.37 seconds, less than 80% of the record length. Is this truly the stuff of poetry, worship and enshrinement in the Ford Frick wing of the Hall of Fame (an abstraction - there is no such place)?
Also, are you putting out this challenge to Latin American football announcers, who can stretch out the word "goal" through several lunar phase changes?
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