New York Yankees
George Steinbrenner Memorial Field
Tampa, FL
ATTENTION: GLADYS
Dear Mr. Cashman:
With Dice-K Matsuwhatever collapsing like a (insert bad-taste analogy relating to certain ongoing international catastrophy), the new buzz around Boston in Ted Williams' frozen head concerns a pitcher the Yankees -- that is, you -- let walk.
Sir, while we test-drive Bartolos, Freddies, Novas and Mitres -- Boston is cruising in a 2011 Alfredo Aceves. The man who spit-glued together our pitching staff for nearly two years -- then fell off his motorcycle and broke his collar, earning our lifelong enmity -- is now on their side.
Every fan in the Yankiverse knew this was a mistake. You've given us a little Charlie Rose angst, noting how tough a decision it was. Now Aceves may crash a starting rotation that, no matter how its sliced and Diced, looks far superior to ours.
OK. You can't sign everybody. Yes, it was a tough decision. And you're right: "El Duque, whatthefuh do you know?"
Well, as a New York sports fan for 50 years, here are three learned behaviors -- three rules -- that I hope and pray you take to heart:
1. We never get anywhere by trading young players or (in the case of Giants and Knicks) draft picks. Yeah, you might score a short-term gain. But the Yankees seek dynasties, not a championship every six years. Start trading the kids, and in the end, we always get screwed. It's only a matter of time.
2. When you find someone who excels in NY, never let him walk. As the song goes, "If I can make it there..." Doesn't matter if it's Andy Pettitte, David Wells or Homer Bush. Their replacements, with nice numbers in KC or Atlanta, never seem to measure up.
3. Whenever we're cheap, we always spend more in the end. We were outbid for Dice K, so we signed Kei Igawa. Last year, we didn't touch John Lackey, so we had a rotating rotation. We always end up spending more.
Enjoy sunny Florida. We have six inches of snow in Syracuse.
el duque
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