It’s an aging Boomer’s dream. A woman’s plastic surgeon trims fat from her waist via liposuction, spins it in a centrifuge to concentrate its stem cells and reinjects the cells into her face, breasts and/or buttocks, creating a whole-body makeover in a single, three-hour office visit.
Yes, noneother than our own Bartolo Colon stands as Exhibit A for the newest treatment for wrinkly oldsters whose knees keep scuffing their extended boobs...
The Yankee hurler offers hope for millions who are seeking that one last sip of teat milk from the Calgon beauty barn! I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.
Dr. Joseph Purita of Boca Raton says he saved the career of New York Yankees pitcher Bartolo Colon by taking stem cells from his bone marrow and fat stem cells from his stomach and injecting them around the torn rotator cuff in his shoulder.
The good doctor, who injected coverboy Colon in the Dominican Republic, can transform your 90-year-old mom into a functioning Yankee relief pitcher, or a future wife of Larry King! The treatment isn't regulated by the FDA, which means there's a lot of thalidomide to come down between now and the big payday: Cher. But it's coming.
But consider this: if Bartolo pitches well in the World Series, in front of millions, on the national stage, you better believe Tim McCarver will be touting that surgical procedure like an infomercial host for Ronco. They'll have to embargo the Dominican Republic to keep out the Kardashians. Every aging boomer with bucks will be lining up to inject fat into his/her face, boobs and butt...
The world will want to be Bartolo.
Another reason to root.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment