Yankeetorial: All you who want ESPN to win rights to the Yankee broadcast network (driven by Jeep), ending the terms of John and Suzyn, consider what the Bristolites placed in the bark box Monday night

Many top physicists argue for the existence of alternate universes, expanding endlessly across space and time in every direction, like Jeet's home in Tampa. If they are right, somewhere out there, Yogi Berra is a woman, and the Florida Marlins own 27 world championships.

On our doorstep, though, is this one - just five months into the future -- when the Steinbrothers take bids for rights to their Little Debbie Snack Cakes/Hebrew Home at Riverside broadcast empire. For years, bearded trolls in the Murdoch-owned press and rabid, non-sentient fart-gag bloggers have opined that ESPN should win the blood auction, thereby ending the reign of The Master and his Suz Muse.

Occasionally, chicken-hearted citizens of the Yankiverse, like zombies staggering toward a newly overturned school bus, seem to agree. 

Monday night, when the Yankees played the Redsocks, this is the goon squad that littered ESPN's booth:

Dave O'Brien, a Quincy, Mass., native and former Met announcer, who now calls regularly for the Redsocks.

Nomar Garciaparra, a china doll Redsock icon and sperm machine for future U.S. women's soccer teams.

Curtis Montague Schilling, the drunken birther Bush-Cheney lardbelly who once painted his sock red to give the appearance of blood seeping through his gout foot.

The Holy Trinity of Boston - calling the Yankee/Redsock game.

Next time John flubs a home run call, think about that.

China must never own outer space. Gaddafi must never retake Libya. And ESPN must never get the Yankees.