Miami wants to be the Yankees. They shelled out $200 million for a pitcher and a shortstop. California wants to be the Yankees. They shelled out $330 million for a pitcher and a DH. Texas wants to be the Yankees: They're getting ready to unload all the Rupert Murdoch phone-hacking money that's flowing their way through the contract they recently signed with Fox Sports.
But they're not the Yankees. We're the Yankees. I think, anyway.
Today, we learn whether our Yankee owners are, in fact, Hank and Hal Scroogebrenner, of the Kansas City Titans -- because it's time to George-up and burrow into that mountain of free money they were born into, and extract some crisp million dollar bills - I'd say 55 will do the trick - to buy the slave auction bidding rights for 25-year-old Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish.
This week, as batting practice, we secured the rights to negotiate with some poor sap Japanese infielder, who we're now saying will likely rot in his packing crate before he signs with us to ride the pines. Well, so be it. We don't need a Japanese infielder, unless his job is to provide infield chatter to a certain man on the mound.
Today, we need to send Texas, California and Miami a message:
They're not the Yankees. We're the Yankees.
At least, I think we are.
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"Today, we learn whether our Yankee owners are, in fact, Hank and Hal Scroogebrenner, of the Kansas City Titans -- because it's time to George-up and burrow into that mountain of free money they were born into, and extract some crisp million dollar bills - I'd say 55 will do the trick - to buy the slave auction bidding rights for 25-year-old Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish."
This may be the best paragraph ever written on this website.
I choked on my bong hit when I read this.
Pure. Genius.
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