1. Gerrit Cole to win the Cy Young.
2. Aaron Judge (35 HRs) to beat Luis Robert (37) and Adolis Garcia (35) for 2nd place among AL HR leaders. (Shohei Ohtani (44) will finish first.)
3. John Sterling to manage. (This would require the Yankees to show a slight sense of self-awareness, mischief, showmanship and humility. Thus, it will never happen.)
4. That the cyclone doesn't hit until Monday.
5. Hal sells the team. (Hey, Elon...)
6. A front office housecleaning (never happen.)
7. Somebody, anybody, who can win in NYC sports. (That's you, Stewie...)
8. End to the writers' strike. (The lack of new shows in development has dangerously dwindled my "Intend to Watch Someday" list to below 500.)
9. Mitch McConnell gets an answer to the question, "Why am I standing here, and how did all these reporters get into my bedroom?"
10. Fourth place in the AL East and a finish above .500. (Woopie.)
Posts
19 comments:
Duque --
Not Elon!!!! He'd probably replace the pinstripes with checkered clothes.
NOT ELON
anyone but Elon = ABE
NOT ELON
otherwise, ditto to everything, Duque...
ELON MUSK? Fuuuuuuu...
Duque, you gotta stop huffing the carbona.
DeNiro.
An actual Yankee fan with a bonus. Any manager he wants fired, just disappears. No need to pay severance. (except to the guys pouring the concrete)
He'd need help with the financing, but that's where Jeter comes in.
Ditto to the never-Elon Musk sentiment. He's an arrogant piece of shit.
DiNiro press conference:
Q: How did you get the Dodgers to trade Stanton for Mookie Betts straight up.
A: I told the Dodgers GM “Do Me This Favor. I Won't Forget it. Ask Your Friends In The Neighborhood About Me. They'll Tell You I Know How To Return A Favor.”
Q: What do you think of the current state of the ballclub?
A: 50 Fockers.
Q: Care to elaborate?
A: The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.
Q: You fired Cashman and Boone. What will you tell their replacements?
A: Listen To Me Very Carefully. There Are Three Ways Of Doing Things Around Here: The Right Way, The Wrong Way, And The Way That I Do It. You Understand?
Q: Is that all?
A: Never rat on your friends and always Keep Your Mouth Shut.
No further questions...
No to Muskrat, but biggest “YES!” ever to a front office housecleaning. There are affirmations being issued about this, but I believe it is mostly performative.
Out of all the tomato cans in the American League, we remain the only one that has not yet been eliminated from Wild Card contention.
Another successful season! Thanks, Brain.
But more importantly, how is Scranton doing in the playoffs? Do they have a chance to bring the Whatever Cup home again???
Inquiring minds want to know!
@ JM, Yes, thanks be to Brain "Dumbass" Cash-man for another successful debacle. I overheard the following conversation, straight from the sources:
Cashman: My work here is done!
HAL: Well done, very well done! I don't know how you do it! I promise to extend your contract another five years. Just keep it going the way it is and it's done.
Cashman: Sir, yes, sir!
Hoss, the Fail Riders are wrapping up their season this weekend. I hope you are as excited as I am since Franke Montass is making his first rehab start (I shit you not)…just a little late. BTW, no playoffs for them. But then again, half their team is in NY, so perhaps they are actually over achievers?
Also happy to report the rumors of A Frankie Montas bobble head with one arm missing are unfounded.
Thanks, 999. Well, there goes even more September excitement.
Meanwhile, I'm hoping that Florial hits 10 home runs in the remaining games. Just to embarrass you-know-who.
Luke “Dream” Weaver probably earned a 3yr deal with Ca$hman after last nights start
Reading on YGY this morning Kim Ng's contract with the Marlins is up. Kick CashHat...somewhere and replace with a modern baseball mind? Please Hal. Give her a call.
Why is Montas getting a rehab start? Isn't he off the books after this season? Strange.
JM,
I'd guess that the Yankees need to provide a means to rehab. Otherwise the players association would raise heck, if not hell.
It might also be that Ca$hole wants to evaluate him for a 5 year $160MM contract.
I'm sure it's the latter, Rufus.
Only 160MM?
Post a Comment