So much for that. Now, if/when Food Stamps Hal loses the Boras-Soto Stare Down, the Death Barge faces an updated list of Plan B's:
Willy AdamesAnthony Santander
Teoscar Hernandez
Christian Walker
Tanner Scott
Corbin Burnes
Max FriedClay Holmes(Hey, just keeeeding.)
Luis Severino
Gary Sanchez
To lessen the impending cataclysmic blow, I'm assuming that Soto will go elsewhere.
Let's face it: If loyalty to a team meant anything, beyond the nickel-dime bottom line, Soto and Boras would have already made their announcement, instead of their DELAY/DEPOSE/DENY wheedling over the color of the shower room urinal cakes. There's a point where Hal wilts and settles for another silver medal - adding to his collection of Machado, Harper, Freeman, Ohtani, et al - happily finishing second in another free agent auction.
It could be the Dodgers, who can somehow defer payments beyond Armageddon. It might be the Redsocks or Blue Jays, seeking to restore relevancy in a world that has forgotten them. It will probably be the Mets, because Steve Cohen swings NYC's biggest dick stick, and let's face it: This was always boiling down to the biggest number on a check. What we've seen this winter was an orchestrated pageant to give the illusion of a Mets/Yankee duel, and simply name us as the first-runner-up.
If/when Soto goes elsewhere, here's the plan.
1. We wish him the best. We watch his heartfelt video, where he thanks us for taking him into our hearts, and we magnanimously express gratitude for his year of service. We say that we understand the need to feed his family. We vow to cheer him upon his return to the stadium, whenever that may be. We wish it could have been different, but he'll always be a Yankee, and we're just happy to have enjoyed his year in Pinstripes.
2. Immediately, we train all juju cannons and lasers upon his exposed hamstrings and wrists, wishing him the Giancarlo virus, which means tweaking a gonad while moving the tree. We take our Soto jerseys into the back yard, sprinkle them with lighter fluid and piss, and light the wintery night sky, while chanting curses in a language that only the juju gods know. Remember: hamstrings and wrists.
3. We sign three players from the above list. Why three? Well, it aligns with 2009, when we signed CC, AJ and Tex. Not sure which three. But three is a start. Maybe four. Oh, hell, five?
4. We go back to eating and savoring the ever-spewing crapola about The Martian and Caleb Durbin coming to save this team. They will be rookies of the year. They will be impact players. We won't miss Verdugo. We won't miss Gleyber. We'll simply chase another wild card. We will be right where we always are, under the Hal second place regime. We will be waiting for somebody, anybody, to save what was once the premier sports franchise in America, the team we grew up loving, but no longer recognize.
Here it comes, everybody. Brace for impact.
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So the Yankees and Mets have both upped their bids to over $700 million, according to the headlines. Bigger than Ohtani's contract. Bigger than anybody's. Except Hal's. His is in the billions, and he can't hit for shit.
Is it just me, or does $700 million for a ballplayer sound . . . wrong-ish? Keep in mind I've been a Soto Fan since 2019 (I live near D.C.).
The Martian! Are they still selling that?
It's totally crazy, but compared to the money the owners make, I guess it makes some sense. Not in a larger, human, societal way, but within the tight confines of pro sports. It's only a relatively small number of guys who get the really big money. There's that. But I still choke when I see guys making 20, 30, 40 million a year. As Robert Klein once said, "and Jonas Salk is sitting in the corner, sucking a prune."
Then there's Sanchez signing with Baltimore--as a backup catcher, maybe a sometimes DH--for $8.5 million for one year. I think it was The Athletic that said he had a redeeming year for the Padres last year. Hitting .218 with 19 home runs in 240 ABs.
Incredible.
Loved him in the Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Durbin? Yes. Dominguez? No. Soto? So Long.
The $700M is about years. At 750 and 15 years he'd be getting 50M a year until he's 42.
BTW Sanchez just got 8.5 for one year. Don't get me started on Holmes.
The only thing I don't like is that Hal has a budget so more for Soto is less for the rest of the team.
No, $700 mill for one player—ANY one player—is a bad idea. But since it's the only idea out there, Hal should pay it.
HAL could, long ago, have put that $700 mill toward building a terrific new team and farm system, that makes a genuine run at a ring every season. He chose not to. He will always choose not to. So...I say, get what entertainment value we can (except we're not going to get Soto, either).
HAL and CashBrain will do nothing when Soto signs with the Mets.
Fuck them all.
It "seems" as though the Yankees pay a lot of money to the Latin American kids every year. A LOT. It "seems" as though they spend a lot on the draft, every year. But what happens to them? So it seems that the scouting and developmental people are either incompetent or could they be skimping on those departments? For twenty-five plus years? Maybe, probably my mind is slipping. Maybe I'm forgetting all the stars that have come up and helped the team. WTF is going on????
"WTF is going on?" should be our mantra.
Or just start playing that old, 4 Non Blondes song. Or maybe hire them to run the Yankees.
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