It's Super Saturday, the holiest night on the ancient Buffaloan calendar, when Santa Goodell's sleigh lands in some warm clime, launching the annual transfer of American power - from blocking-and-tackling to pitching-and-catching.
By Tuesday, the nation - guided by Jake from State Farm - will begin its migration from Patrick Mahomes to Freddie Freeman. Soon, it will be time for caravans, photo ops, cattle calls and - for Yankee fans - hope.
Yes, hope. This is the real Hope Week. Nobody's hurt. Everybody's fresh. We're happily hungry and gullible. Look at that rack of new jerseys! Can't you feel it? That's HOPE, my friends. Hope.
It's all downhill from here.
As you read this, somewhere - in his Bat Cave hideaway - Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman is running the final numbers on whether to DFA Hugh Jass so he can sign Brock O'Lee, the final moves on an offseason shedding of skin worthy of a Burmese python in a storm sewer near Sarasota.
Wherever he is - I'm thinking the salt caverns a mile below Seneca Lake - Cashman sits upon a mountain of computer power that would make Elon Musk's attack on USAID look like your gramma's dial-in hookup to CompuServe. This week, it resulted in the exchange of RH pitcher Allan Winans for RH pitcher Owen White, a swap of irrelevancies that could have made Goober Pyle say "Hey."
What could spawn such moves?
A super-secret, Forbin Project, end-of-times Yankee algorithm.
Somehow, the Yankees have built a system that quantifies every baseball player on the planet, whether he toils for the Tokyo Yakult Swallows or the Evansville Otters. The rest of us sit in numb, powerless ignorance, unable to fathom these ever-rolling numbers, the Yankee version of Pi.
However, based on the current Yankee lineup - for this week, anyway - we can hypothesize what goes into this algorithm. I picture a three-part formula:
1. Billions of baseball statistics from the Bill James playbook.
2. Empirical data from 10,000 years of human history.
3. Tom Sellick on why you need a reverse mortgage.
It's Super Sunday Eve, people. Soon, one team shall be by the rigged referees as the undisputed NFL champion, and all others will be the New York Giants.
By Tuesday, the world will be shifting to Tampa. Hope Week, everybody. It's almost here.
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15 comments:
I'm tired of all the winning...
Speaking of uniform numbers, someone needs to explain to me why Billy Martin’s #1 is retired.
His obvious personality disorder appeals to some Yankee fans and brass, I guess. Makes it seem like he cares. He was the "proudest Yankee," sez he. Yawn. Seemed more like an abusive jerk to me.
I hope we keep Brock O’Lee, scouting report says full of good fiber, a real club house kinda guy!
Acrilly for the LONG BALL! *
Don’t feel steamed or green with envy. Everybody gets an AB!
* (I’d say “WIN” but didn’t out of respect to VonBitty)
Yeah, Steve, but aside from that...
If he's full of fiber, I doubt anyone will want to be in the club house when it finally works its way through his intestine. That won't be pretty.
Here, on this Eve of Bowl, let us not forget that the Buffalo Bills were conveniently "reffed" on key plays in order to let the Chiefs advance. They did not deserve it. And a couple of their players are "proud" to play with Orange Adolf in the crowd. May their smiting be Swift. Go Eagles!
Kansas City Missouri.
Ah Missouri - pronounced Mi-ser-y.
I've come to believe that a state's true character is revealed by its billboards. The ones for lawyers don't count. Missouri's billboards are dominated by ads for cave tours and adult book stores.
The "Show Me" state? Should be called the "Blow Me State".
Home of the Uranus Fudge Factory because " The best fudge comes from Uranus."
Think I'm kidding?
https://www.uranusgeneralstore.com
A place where the gas stations sell Hunk A Pizza.
Think I'm kidding?
https://www.huntbrotherspizza.com/hunkapizza/
A state that has all the stupidity of the deep south with none of the charm.
And yet...
How can I root for the Eagles?
I just want to see Saquon to block the way he learned as a Giant.
Duque - So you're rooting for lots of sacks then. I could go with that.
Brian Genius Hall Of Fame Cashman is a moron and a geek. Only a bigger fool like Loser Hal would extend him. Hal also wants to extend his brilliant Manager, Buffon Boone.
Agreed. I could never stand Martin, a man who nearly wrecked the whole franchise long before HAL did. Abusive jerk is right...though I will say that he quite obviously needed help. Some owner, somewhere, needed to sit him down and say, "Billy, you need to at least try rehab." None did. They wanted him while he was winning, felt free to discard him once he wasn't. Like nearly all owners of sports teams, anywhere ever, they were jerks.
Incidentally, I find it's worthwhile to pretend that the retire #1 is really in honor of the first Yankee to wear it, Hall of Fame centerfielder Earle Combs, and Bobby Murcer, a real gent and a fine ballplayer.
Ive mentioned this before, but in Scranton they have a "Legends Race" between innings. Like the Brewers sausage product race or Nationals' One time ccupant of 1600 PA Ave race. Its Mickey, Joe D, Thurm, and Billy. Theyve been doing it for years. Billy's never won. Good schtick.
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