a) At long last, Taylor Swift picked the wrong horse.
b) Jake from State Farm wouldn't save Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes.
c) Tom Brady is a blathering, nattering idiot.
d) For MAGA America, the half-time show was incomprehensible.
e) The Mannings have finally achieved full market saturation.
f) Lady Gaga could become the Ethel Merman of her generation.
g) Somehow, they made Springsteen's "Born to Run" into a commercial.
h) Philly pole-climbers were heading to Broad Street.
The moral of this year's Super Bowl: Don't finish second.
Three months ago, the Yankees learned this ugly truth. Their Game 5 Inning 5 meltdown remains a stain on the franchise, so traumatic, so embarrassing, that it threatens the legacy of the two greatest Yankees of this generation, Aaron Judge and Gerrit Cole. The Yankees finished second. You'd think we would be proud. Instead, they've been a punch line.
Two months ago, it happened again. The Yankees finished runner-up in the bidding war over Juan Soto, a betrayal of their historical identity that will haunt them for a generation. They enter 2025 as NYC's second team. In the short term, maybe Cody Bellinger and Paul Goldschmidt can save face. But over the years, as Soto hits his way into the Hall of Fame, he'll always be the star who got away. And the Yankees will always be the team that couldn't afford him.
And, of course, the Democrats finished second in the battle for America's soul. They now stand, neutered, comically chanting slogans with Chuck Schumer, which is like watching Englebert Humperdinck cover the songs of Tom Jones. For Blue State boomers, it's been a long hard slog, from Meat Loaf to Jelly Roll, but the lesson's been learned.
Don't finish second. Not in baseball. Not in football. Not in America.
Within days - hours, actually - pitchers and catchers report. The world will begin anew. And here's the thing:
The more you look at the 2025 Yankees, the more they look like a team built to finish second. Or, in an unspoken lyric from last night, we're Drake.
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15 comments:
Duque - really well done.
1) As to the game. I watched it on empty. Maybe it's because of all the things you mentioned. Maybe I'm getting too old for all of this.
2) Sadly, my favorite moment was when the Torino (?) pizza roll alien got crushed to death in the door of his space ship.
3) Happy for Barkley.
4) Couldn't understand a word of the halftime show and I ain't no MAGA. That said, it didn't piss me off. It was like watching... I actually don't know. Seriously - none of it made sense.
Maybe I really am getting too old for all of this.
5) And of all the truths you just laid out, none is truer than this... "Tom Brady is a blathering nattering idiot."
Tom Brady IS a blathering nattering idiot. I don't understand why TV executives think that because you are the GOAT of one thing it will translate to a completely different skill set. Fox downgraded a competent announcer to overpay this yutz.
and last...
6) My greatest fear is starting to manifest... I am becoming Phil Mushnick.
Halcash is way ahead of you. No chance this team finishes second again this year...
I second Doug K. I'm no MAGA, but...
...The devolution of rap, hip hop, whatever, from something "street," "ghetto," and "real" (however unbearable it always was), to an extravaganza more bombastic and carefully choreographed than the June Taylor Dancers, says all you need to know about the decay of grassroots American culture over the course of our lifetimes.
There's nothing real out here anymore, people. And oh, yeah: an in-your-face pop "music" artist invited to an equivalent shindig in 1969 would likely have blasted Nixon in his presidential box, not his mediocre rival.
I second Hoss's second of Doug. Halftime was incomprehensible to this old white guy.
As for the game, I just wish Philly had shut them out. Wasn't going to happen, I know, but that would have been perfect.
Seemed like KC had more trouble making adjustments than a Yankees batting coach. They pretty much shut down Barkley—but nobody else. They could do nothing to contain or counter Philly's rush.
Would've been much better to see Detroit-Buffalo.
I turned off the game at halftime because of the score and having had no interest in the entertainers for at least 20 years. I wouldn't recognize them if they were in front of me in the dispensery line, nor would I know any of their songs.
Yes, Brady must be the worst investment Fox has made since hiring the current law firm to defend them in the two voting machine defamation law suits. All cliches ("It's never over when you have # 15 on your team" when down 31 points with 12 minutes remaining) and absolutely no real insight ("The Chief's line has to block better" after 6 sacks and constant pressure).
The best commercial, in my estimation, was the group of outlaw old ladies in the car speeding and breaking the law. But, I have no idea what company they were pitching for.
If a MAGA said that the halftime show was incomprehensible and that the sky is blue, I guess you could say they are like a broken clock - right twice in one day. I didn’t understand a single word.
Me, I prefer actual musicians playing their instruments without lip-synching or a bevy of half naked dancers to distract. Would have much preferred a show dedicated to the great musical heritage of NOLA. I turned it off before the end of the second quarter. Unpopular take: I’m a life long Giants fan, but I like Mahomes/Reid, so I was rooting for the Chiefs. The whole thing was a washout for me.
And yeah, Brady is awful as an announcer.
I like the Stupor Bowl for one reason, and one reason only: it signals the beginning of spring training, warm weather and six months of baseball.
Let the games begin!
PS: my father, a staunch Nixon supporter, hated the Beatles. Every older generation hates the younger one
this is the season of our discontent. this is the time that tries our souls. and you know what's real, ironically? you guys - the whole rotten, virtual dozen and a half or so of you, maybe more. I'm not joking. I put more trust and faith in this motley gaggle than in most other groups I'm associated with - on or offline. because we have been in the same trenches, had the same mud thrown in our faces, have dealt with the same pain and the same idiocracy. I'm going to have faith in the future. I have seen what's over the mountain. I don't remember WHAT I saw and I don't know if we'll all get there, but there IS another side to this hill and some of us may make it there. I love you all.
'One thing that the Chief's,offensive line isn't good at is protect Mahomes when he doesn't quickly get rid of the ball'. That was an amazing insight The GOAT. In the first quarter. I understood that to mean that the Chiefs' offensive line weren't very good at pass blocking. That was early in the first quarter. Phil Mushnick is the GOAT. I think that I will start watching old NFL games when I want some football. Less bllsht, twice the hitting.
start with the 1968 AFL championship game...
I wish Goldie a wet and wild early retirement in 2025 to the Jacoby Ellsbury Memorial Hot Tub in Tampa. He'll probably have to make room for Bellinger.
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