The Nightmare before Easter: Five out-of-control fears - but they're real - about the 2025 Yankees

You know that line by olde Bill Shakespeare, "A coward dies a thousand times... the valiant only taste of death but once...?" 

Little known fact: He was referring to Yank fans - particularly, readers of IT IS HIGH.  

Yeah, call us cowards, clods, Killjoys - whatever. We grew up being told that the New York fucking Yankees were America's greatest sports empire - nothing else close - and we watched them become the Knickerbockers. 

Yes, we shall always feel defeats more painfully than - say - fans of the KC Royals. Deal with it. KC has Mahomes. KC has Kelsey. KC has two recent Super Bowls. KC has Bobby Witt Jr. KC has the Sunshine Band. What KC does not have is a Nepo-Baby owner who clings to a legacy that ended a quarter century ago. If the Shakes Man were here today, he'd say, "A Yankee fan dies 70 times - and that's a wild card season."  

On that note, some advice. Run, because the 2025 Yankees are doomed. 

I'm talking about a looming summer of pain like nothing we've seen since the days of Dooley Womack and Steve Whitaker. Nope, Royals fans cannot imagine such a debacle. This will be the toughest summer in Hal Steinbrenner's life. 

Why do I feel this way? The omens...

1. There are still two weeks until Opening Day. Thus far, the Yankees lose one key player every week. If they maintain this injury rate, two more critical lug nuts will go down by opening day. Who will it be? An outfielder? A catcher? Bullpen. Dunno. But just watch... 

2. It's still a small sample, but the early precincts are reporting on Jasson Dominguez. He's playing almost every day, leads the team with 32 at-bats. The Martian is hitting .219 with 1 HR and 9 strikeouts - one K in three ABs. He's looked lost in LF. We can officially start to worry. The Yankees are committed to him. If he fails, if he's just not ready for prime time, the bottom of the lineup will go dark in April and May.

3. Four weeks ago, the Yankees were shopping Marcus Stroman and pondering a six-man rotation. Now, they are talking up Will Warren. If Clarke Schmidt continues to miss time due to a bad back, they'll be going with Carlos Carrasco, who was signed off the scrap heap last month. From Cole to Carrasco... wow.

4. I cannot say which is more frightening: Losing Giancarlo Stanton for the year, or having him try to come back in - say - August, when he cannot run. Yes, he had a great October. But his decline in health has been coming for a long time. It's here. Two bad elbows? In my life as a fan, I've never heard of a player suffering from two tennis elbows at the same time. Dear God. 

5. Remember that hot in-house competition for 3B, which was supposed to energize the infield? Well, we're back to Oswald/Oswaldo - a March exercise now entering  its third year. Neither has hit. I suppose we prefer Oswaldo - the smile, the glove - but he's now 26, two years older than Oswald. Is he a switch-hitter? Is this a platoon? Does anybody know? I just feel as if we've been here before, in each of the last two years. Nothing has changed, and the floor is about to give out.  

Yes, I understand that the AL East looks rather sickly, and the Rays will have to play games on Yankee soil. (Actually, I think this will energize the franchise, as their fans get to escape that giant ping pong ball.) I think we're facing a Tankathon year. 

Listen: If so, we can still enjoy a summer of complaining, whining, ridiculing - of kicking their fat, bloated carcass around the Bronx until there's nothing left that even Pizza Rat would haul away. Keep your powder dry. But it's going to be crazy. What happens if a Yankee fan dies 90 deaths...?