In his 1977 masterpiece, Annie Hall, Woodie Allen dredged up an old joke...
Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, 'hey doc, my brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken.' The doc says, why don't you turn him in? The guy says, I would but I need the eggs.'
At least for another few days, loyal Yank fans can still dream of waking Xmas morn to find the Japanese hurler, Tatsuya Imai, nestled under the Douglas fur. If that happens, the Gammonites of Gotham will ejaculate blow-hole blasts of praise upon Hal Steinbrenner, as they always do when he pries open his PayPal account. It never matters if they'll hit opening day with a Yangervis and a Zolio, or a Jorbit and a Josh - still absent that one big acquisition that would make a difference. The courtiers will proclaim the Yankees as the AL team to beat, because - well - they need the eggs.
We can wait for Imai to chose his destination. And if it's the Yankees, yeah, let's lift a glass. But here's the dirty little truth:
If the Yankees do sign Imai, Hal will then close his checkbook and go into hibernation until next August.
It's the game Hal's played since 2014, when he signed Jacoby Ellsbury, Carlos Beltran and Brian McCann - and still finished second.
Ever since, he's only been in this for the eggs.
The winter of 2014 was the last time Hal launched a spending spree worthy of the family name. Five years earlier - about 10 months before his dad's death - Hal signed Mark Teixeira, AJ Burnett and CC Sabathia, and the Yankees won their last world championship of this millennium. Unfortunately, the 2014 surge went sideways. Beltran hit the wall - literally. Ellsbury turned into a wad of Kleenex, and McCann lay dormant until 2017, when as a cheating Astro, he ambushed us in the postseason.
Mark my words: The Yankees will soon sign someone. But he won't be enough.
That's because Hal does not need the Yankees to win. He just likes the eggs.
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