I'm not talking about 3I/Atlas, the "comet" that is obviously an alien probe to phone home about whether intelligent life exists on Earth.
I'm not talking about the KC Chiefs, who dominated pro football and pop music culture through the first half of the 2020s, and who now look old and tired.
I'm not talking about the looming recession, or Trump's gilded Walmart ballroom, or even the Golden Globes' snub of Sydney Sweeney's big punching bags in her boxing movie.
Nope, what's coming is Big Stevie Cohen, large as a Macy's parade balloon, and his infinite checkbook. It has so intimidated Hal Steinbrenner that the Yankees already sound like also-rans in the upcoming bidding war for Tatsuya Imai.
Yes, Tatsuya Imai - the lone top Japanese free agent in this decade to NOT want to join the Dodgers. Every dime in Hal's hope chest should go into signing Imai - fortifying the pitching staff and standing up to Big Stevie.
But here's the rub: It might not be enough.
The Yankees painted themselves into a corner - actually, a centerfield - when they offered Trent Grisham $22 million to stay a year. Of course, he was gonna take it. As a result, to sign Cody Bellinger or Kyle Tucker will force a massive domino-drop of secondary trades, most likely involving Jasson Dominguez and/or Spencer Jones, and they still might not save the pitching staff.
The Yankees need Imai more than Trump needs compression socks. But the problem is Cohen, the modern day Boss. Last year, he kicked poor Hal's ass in the bidding war for Juan Soto, (even if it left the Mets in tatters during the regular season.) This week, he can do it again in a straight up auction for Imai.
It's coming - that moment in the movie when Hal either stands up to the bully or accepts the Yankees' fate in the second half of the decade.
It might happen today: Somebody signs Tucker, which leaves everyone chasing Bellinger, which causes his value to spike, which leaves the Yankees out in the cold, which makes Imai the biggest fish in the pond, which means... well... God knows what? Big Stevie's knockout punch?
We don't know what's coming.
What we know is that it might be really bad.
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10 comments:
Say goodbye to the Martian and/or Spencer. And Bellinger. And Weaver.
Cashman sucks, Hal is a greedy asshole, and Boone is an idiot who has nothing to do in the offseason.
Looks like it's gonna be a rough year.
No JM, I won't have it! There's a rappel down an office building Cashman does every winter.
Ooops, wrong do-nothing asshole. My bad.
Wait Wait Wait, JM.
My sources have confirmed that I.B. (Idiot Boone) has spent the majority of his “off” off season teaching himself how to paint with his own spit. He calls the technique “Spittie” and his first painting is called:
‘It’s All Right In Front of Me’
IB plans on hanging the oversized canvas (once it has been given enough time to dry) on the wall in his Yankees office.
I have been offered a first look and have been given permission to photograph it and share it here on IIHIIFIIC once he gets it up and mounted.
It is like, uh, you know - really exciting !
“I haven’t felt this sick since I saw that Ronald Reagan film festival!”
But Hal does not WANT this guy, nor does he WANT to win. Hal wants only money, which is why his honorific is "Hal the Cheap." And you know what? You'll never understand him. Nor does he care about THAT, either.
Oh, what were they screening, BTR?
For what it’s worth there’s something prescient about E.D.’s The Shining image today …..
I beg to differ: We know EXACTLY what’s going to happen.
Hal is going spend the winter clutching his pears on his yacht and fretting over the sad state of baseball. And do nothing.
Japan is the Dodgers farm club...
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