Our man in D.C.: Alphonso's Photo Blog at Emperors Club VIP

After some "spin doctoring" for pal Ellie Spitzer, Alphonso finds himself trying to plug security leaks at his old DC home-away-from-home, The Emperors Club VIP.




Fortunately, he took his cell phone.





TUESDAY

6:02 a.m. Security tight, due to media and FBI covert ops. All night, I dreamed somebody -- or some thing -- was trying to get into my hotel room. My instincts proved true. Fortunately, my anti-burglar security bar worked.




7:04 a.m. It's been a while since I danced with "Kristin," the mystery babe who won Ellie's heart -- plus $4,300 of the man's hard-earned pay. In a bittersweet moment, I take from my wallet the faded picture of us, long ago, after a Columbus Clipper game.




8:40 a.m. When I get to the Emperor's Club, I am once again impressed of the discreet way it blends into the DC cityscape. No one would suspect a high-end callgirl service.




10:34 a.m. "Tiffani," the V.I.P. hostess, recognizes me with her unmistakably fetching wink.

11:30 a.m. In Room 2B, I notice a party going hot. Oh, to be young again with clownface paint!

12:03 p.m. There's Tippy!

1:04 p.m. A sea of great memories. But I sense something wrong. Dead wrong.

2:02 p.m My questions to the staff get nowhere. Obviously, someone -- or some thing -- has already gotten to them.

3:34 p.m. "Angelina" tells me to leave, or there'll be trouble.

4:32 p.m. I can't seem to break their fear. At my wit's end, I call them outside and try an idea so crazy, so outlandish, that, hey, it just might work!

5:30 p.m. The snowball fight breaks the "dam of fear" that has imprisoned them. When I see "Kristin," I let someone else photograph our moment.

8:02 p.m. The rest of the night? Sorry, folks. The rest is off-limits. Let's just say, we'll be working up an appetite... and living raw.*

*With onions.