Wait Until You Hear This One

I am just returned from a book tour of Japan where I received accolades and all the sake I could consume for autographs of my new

biography, " Going Rogue."

The Japanese gave great respect to the positions I took with respect to the Yankees all season, and to my continuing support and interest in re-signing Hideki Matsui.

I left Tokyo with a promise to the great baseball fans of Japan:

I would get, this season, an on-air win warble from Suzyn Waldman !

Not only that, I vowed it would break John's 2009 record for in-season warble length and launch the play-by -play career of Ms. Waldman.

Without her permission, but counting on her financial and psychological support, I have enlisted the genius, acumen and connections of SHE-FAN to assist me in this endeavor.

Our first direct contact with Suzyn should be at Spring Training in Tampa.

Predictions for the season will immediately follow Ms. Waldman's " warble" contract signing at our annual dinner at Roy Selmon's steak house.

Stay tuned.

This is gonna be great.

And Now A Word From Baseball's Iron Horse

More Camel ads (and the rest of this one, which you need to see) at Metafilter.

More of what I said last year

On fire, that's what I was. Eat your heart out, Joel Sherman.

"SAY IT AIN'T SO, SEELY!"

Over most of Thursday and far into Friday, supporters of clean baseball took to their keyboards and smartphones to register "shame" and "disgust" at  evidence that reporter Hart Seely -- a self-styled Yankee fan -- gave  aid and comfort to the Boston Red Sox. 

The 73-year-old Waverly, NY native remains secluded since a hate-filled propaganda piece he published supporting the Bombers' rivals on the eve of this year's World Series surfaced on this blog. In contrast to Seely's silence, outraged fans are thunderously vocal. At this writing, a whopping 73% of  poll respondents say they no longer consider Seely a Yankee fan, and 100% of commenters strongly condemn his actions. Here is a selection of their comments:

adam said...

For shame [...]

November 19, 2009 3:47 PM

Buhner's Ghost said...

This gibberish is disgusting, just another example of his sellout to the lucre of the Newhouse conglomerate. Talk about Evil Empire!

November 19, 2009 3:57 PM

Geofredo said...

The part of the story you didn't hear about is how the puppets were bought online off Pedroia's brother who used to lure children with them much in the same fashion... This story makes me sick.

November 19, 2009 6:54 PM

I'm Bill White said...

Post of the year.

November 19, 2009 7:52 PM

michael kei said...

Don't type Hart Seely into Google Images... scary stuff.

November 19, 2009 11:22 PM

Anonymous said...

i didn't read seely's article, just saw the picture. is it about assisted suicide?

November 20, 2009 12:34 AM

el duque said... 

Actually, I don't know him that well. We've sort of fallen apart, ever since he joined the Redsocks.

November 19, 2009 6:07 PM

What I said last year

Read it and weep, Nostradamus. All the way to the end.

Hippie wins NL Cy Young crown

Best 5 pitchers in the National League:

Tim Lincecum, Chris Carpenter, Adam Wainwright, Dan Haren and Javier Vasquez.

Are you kidding me?

The Yankees need to give Kei Igawa a chance over there.

Yankiverse declines amnesty for utility Redsock Nick Green

In a stunning defeat for love, cold and concrete-hearted Yankiverse voters have refused to rise to the occasion of their 27th World Championship and metaphorically take in the cute babe left in swaddling clothes on their doorstep, in the form of slappy-hitting ex-Redsock utility infielder Nick Green.

Led by a right-wing coalition of IT IS HIGH bloggers, a group whose stated desire is to say NO to all initiatives, so it can take power in 2010, the Green referendum failed by a more than 2-1 vote.

Officials of the LET HATE END HERE campaign are vowing to caucus and determine new options. "The time has come for love to win out," said an official, speaking on the grounds of anonymity. "And those who stand in the way of love need to feel a hard deep slash from love's swift sword. This aint over, hate. You hear? Piss off love, and you better be prepared to pay the price!"

As a start, the love campaign may begin printing photographs designed to melt the black hearts of the opposition. (See below.)

You asked for it, you got it: AC/DC AND JOHN STERLING HIT THE HIGHWAY TO HELL

Mr. Redsock, Jacoby Ellsbury, is changing his number from 46 to 2

Jacoby Ellsbury Day, 2025

Inducted into Boston's Cooler of Heroes 2079

Angels Coaching Staff to Return Next Year

As stated above.

POSTSEASON TREASON While Yanks Fought For Their Lives, NY Reporter & "Fan" Shilled For Red Sox

October 27, 2009. The early morning hours. As Yankee fans rose from beds and couches and floors throughout Central New York, their first thoughts and prayers flew Bronxward--for on the following night their storied team, the noblest in all of baseball, would launch its best-of-7 World Championship campaign. Eager for any scrap of Yankee news, these good and trusting people opened their community's colorful morning newspaper, or clicked over to its easy-to-navigate website. And there they found betrayal at the hands of reporter Hart Seely (pictured at left), who had for years marketed himself as a Yankee fan.

Click over to Seely's pro-Red Sox screed--a truly hateful piece of filth about helping a children's hospital with puppets--to experience the unbelievable for yourself.

Bud Selig, architect of Yankee post-season three-man rotation, agrees that six-weeks playoff schedule is too long

Bud Selig is on to something, and you know what that means.

Baseball's $14.5 million hairpiece is cutting the fat out of next year's playoff schedule!

Don't worry, though. Nobody's talking about starting games at a reasonable hour, so kids can watch. At least one round will appear on cable, featuring ads for liquor and male-enhancements. (Still holding the line on cigarettes! attaboy!) And the final games will be played under a chance of flurries.

But as of next October, the three-man playoff rotation is history.

That means... more than ever,

The Yankees need to SIGN JOHN LACKEY.

IF WE SIGN JOHN LACKEY, WE WILL WIN THE 2010 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? BLINK, IF YOU UNDERSTAND!

YES, IT WOULD BE NICE TO TRADE FOR ROY HALLADAY! BUT THEY'LL WANT AN ARM AND LEG. SIGN LACKEY. KEEP JOBA. KEEP HUGHES. KEEP JESUS. JESUS, KEEP JESUS! KEEP IAN. SIGN LACKEY!

Yankeetorial: It hurts to say this, oh, it hurts... But Hideki Matsui must find another team

It's no fun, closing the book on a great novel.

Its like watching Peter Pan, when you were a kid: You didn't want it to end. You wished you could stay in that fantasy world, flying with Tinker Bell and always outwitting Captain Hook. Everything was magical. And then... it ended... on a school night, no less.

We have no place next year for Hideki Matsui.

We've put it off, being in no hurry to state the painfully obvious:

Next year... no Matsui.

It's not his fault. Great player. Great Yankee. Great man. He just can't play the outfield anymore. And we just can't take a full-time DH anymore.

We need a DH-by-committee: Arod, Jorge, Damon (assuming he stays), Jeter, Swisher, Tex... they need half-days off.

We cannot float a full-time DH. And Matsui is a full-time DH.

OK, let's make a pact. With me, everybody? Two vows:

1. When Matusi comes back in another uniform, as soon as he steps onto the field... Huge O. Standing O. Five minutes. Game-stopper. If he homers, double it. Even if it's a walkoff. We'll be like the Olive Garden, and he is family.

2. When Matsui is done, kaput, waived by the Padres of the world, he gets one last Yankee shot. We did it for Tino. We did it for Jeff Nelson. One last crack. He retires a Yankee. Olive Garden. Family.

Listen, we can all close your eyes and clap really really hard -- and we can save Tinkerbell! But it's still a school night. We can't save the Syonara Kid.

Syonara.

Joe Girardi named 2009 IT IS HIGH AMERICAN LEAGUE YANKEE MANAGER OF THE YEAR

CONGRATULATIONS, JOE GIRARDI!

AMERICAN LEAGUE YANKEE MANAGER OF THE YEAR!

SAY IT IS SO, JOE!

What's the world coming to when you can't bribe a judge with Yankees tickets?

That's what every major leaguer is wondering tonight.

Because the prize of driving 100-mph with a hooker in the carwell and a line of coke on her bare neck is rising every day.

Says the Daily News:

A Bronx man who offered a judge Yankees tickets in exchange for clearing up violations against a building has been sentenced to three years in prison.

Celestino Orta, 40, was busted after the administrative law judge, Tracy Peeler, refused the bribe offer but reported him to the city Department of Investigation, which launched a sting operation.

Three tickets... no deal?

Wait a minute: Were the tickets for a Royals game?

Guide to Sarah Palin's characterizations of the Yankees

"Palling around with terrorists"

"Bridge to Nowhere"

"Death Panels"

"Rickie Hollywood"

"The Perky One"

In time for the holidays: Your IIH "I BRAKE FOR YOUKILIS BEANINGS" T-shirt!

Your Christmas gifts are here!

For that certain Redsock fan...

Now... from IT IS HIGH...

THE "I BRAKE FOR YOUKILIS BEANINGS" T-SHIRT.

Let them know you care.

But wait, there's more...

On the back, it's your favorite website!

Plus, change the shirt inside out...

And it becomes...

The all-weather SUPER-ABSORBENT SHAMMY CLOTH!

Clean your car! Wash your dog!

But wait...

Wrap it around your hands, and you've got the INSTANT CLOTH PULL-EM-UP GARDEN WEASEL!

Three -- 3-- three great products in one!

CC Sabathia wins IT IS HIGH 2009 Yankees CY YOUNG Award

IT IT HIGH is proud to announce...

Yankee pitcher C.C. Sabathia
is winner of the
IT IS HIGH
Yankees
American League
CY YOUNG AWARD
for 2009

Congratulations,

C.C. Sabathia!

Scientific Pie-Chart Analysis of Reasons to Resign Andy Pettitte

Source: University of Copenhagen School of Advance Yankeeology (Utica Campus)

Love is in air: Less than one-in-four Yankee fans refuses to forgive untility man Nick Green

We are taking steps -- baby steps, baby! -- to a far better world.

Because. You. Care.

If anyone suggested that a mere one-fourth of the Yankiverse membership would refuse amnesty to Nick Green for his Redsockian ways, we would have called them crazy.

And yet... look!

In fact, if we add the totals of YES, and BECAUSE LOVE IS THE ANSWER and WHY -- all of which are basically loving positives -- we have a 34 percent FAVORABLE amnesty rating for Nick!

Yankiverse, start writing your speeches.

You are in the running for the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize!