Letter to the Editor: Romney should be a Yankee!

Providence Journal
May 2, 2012 Wednesday

Dear Editor,

 

Oh, heavens. High dudgeon. Mitt Romney earned more than $20 million last year. Therefore, he is disqualified from being what president, a citizen?

Consider this: Last year Alex Rodriguez, of the New York Yankees, earned $32 million for playing in baseball games for seven months of the year. C.C. Sabathia and Mark Texeria, of the Yankees, and seven other Major League players, earned as much and more than Romney for playing a mere game for a season. Even John Lackey, of the Red Sox, got over $15.9 million in 2011 and what in the name of Babe Ruth did he do?

Romney used his talents in finance to build his income and invest it so as to ensure a return. It takes intelligence to do that. Along the way he helped businesses and the general economy. And the record indicates that he gave about one-seventh of that gross income to charities. I d hire a private investigator, if I could afford one, to discover what the baseball players do with their money.

So, the modern system of baseball has produced such stellar ethical citizen/athletes as Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. And these are the types of individuals who induce game watchers to cause individual good tickets to reach $200, and cause a family of four to pay over $300 to watch a single baseball game. Great. Somehow they fill the ballparks. And the middle-class baseball-hatted are somehow all too susceptible to charges that Romney s income is somehow unfair.

None of the money numbers matter much in terms of the overall economy, but what one is concerned with matters a lot. Long live the boobocracy. And God Bless America, as they used to say.

Gregory M. Butler

Pawtucket

Ugh

Will Alphonso attempt a comeback?

Over the history of this blog, never has Alphonso been so down on the Yankees. Never has he expressed such animal-like fury and explosive disillusionment over the state of the team. In texts and emails - kept from public view, so they will not induce mass panic - he has said things that no one should ever know. He has indicated utter contempt for the current Yankee season. He has smoldered in the past, but never like this.

The injury he suffered Thursday seemed career-threatening.

Nevetheless... could a valiant, against-all-odds comeback attempt by Alphonso provide the Yankees with reason to believe in themselves again?

At his advanced age, could Alphonso overcome the injury and bring championship juju again? 

Who is Ronnie Mustelier and could he be the future of rock and roll?

Last June, we signed a chubby 26 year old infield Cuban lugnut named Ronnie Mustelier and immediately parked him in the Gulf Coast League, the Teddy Bear Level, not a good sign. The guy is 5'10" and and weighs 210. Picture that Buick roaming the infield.

Well, he ripped the Gulf Coast for a week, batted .500 and received a double-bump promotion to Tampa of the Florida State League, bypassing Charleston. There, he hit .333 in 130 at bats. Three HRs. Stole six bags.

This year, he's been the brightest breakout in the Yankee farm system, (which isn't saying much, considering the ragged Aprils of our over-hyped players.) He's been killing the Eastern League, hitting .350 with 5 HRs - four in the last four games. They have him batting third, playing 3B and LF. 

Last night, they promoted him up to the Triple A Traveling Wilkes Barres.
Listen: He's too old to get a whammy over, and he bats RH, so he can't be Arod's second Chavez. But who knows? If Ronny hits for Roch-acuse, maybe he's the right-side DH that Andruw Jones is failing to provide. A couple years ago, we plucked Alfredo Aceves off the Mexican scrap heap, and he moved like a rocket through the system.

OK, let's not hold our breaths here. The Yankiverse is clogged with bloggers drunk on fantasy scouting reports about prospects. (Note: I've never seen Mustelier and couldn't tell you, if I did, whether his swing was MLB-ready.) It's counterproductive. Frankly, our system has not kept up with Boston's and Tampa's, especially in position players. And this may be the year Toronto's and Baltimore's systems leave us behind.

But Ronnie Mustelier! The 27-year-old kewpee! Who knows? Goddamm, we need something to dream on.

Now Jose Campos, the other guy in the Montero trade, is headed for an MRI

River Ave reported it last night: The future next great Yankee - Jose Campos, whom Team Cashman touted with the zeal of a Angelina blockbuster - has worms in the wishbone and is headed for Magnet World. We've seen this movie: The Hulk (Seattle) slams Loki (Cashman) around like a wet towel, and you know that if there's a sequel, we're just going to take more abuse. 

A complete whiff. That's the trade that will define Cashman's career the way a bad French accent recalls Pepi LePew. But at this point, we have no tears left to cry. What more can go wrong? No matter what Montero does - boom or bust - and even if Pineda does come back, this goes down as the ultimate stink bomb, the kind of a deal that can kill a year.

And when your core players are facing the twilight, losing a year to a trade - well, stink bomb sums it up.

I'm not ready to throw in the towel. And no matter what Alphonso says, he's not either. It's May. The roster of injuries, the evolution of players and the story of 2012 has hardly begun. But we have nobody poised to break out, and it seems we're gunning for that second Wild Card berth and a one-game playoff destiny.

Between now and October, we better find a few starting pitchers. Another possibility got wiped off the board.

Fenway Sellout Streak Unbroken

Now that Mariano has promised to return, maybe we can go back to living normally. And enjoying such links as:

Boston.com: Tickets given away help keep team's record alive  

Peter Abraham: It's like Yogi Berra once said, nobody ever goes there anymore, it's too crowded.

End of Mariano: The Poem

Whiffed Piazza, Harold Baines,

Eric Davis, Hardrock Raines.
Batters swung and bade goodbye,
Carlos Beltran, Russell Dye.
BJ Surhoff, Albert Belle,
Junior Griffey, Pat Burrell.
None of them could solve his tricks.
Then the gods sent Jayson Nix.

Struck out Nomar, Randy Wynn,

Tori Hunter, Tony Gwynn.
Mighty bats would disappear,
Juan Gonzalez, Rusty Greer,
Jeffrey Hammond, Jim Thome,
Julio Franco, Jason Bay.
Silent went their famous sticks.
Then the gods sent Jayson Nix.

At 41, not nearly through,

ERA still under two.
Twelve times in the All-Star game,
Sure bet for the Hall of Fame.
Greatest pitcher still alive,
Could have gone 'till 45.
Who among us saw the fix
When the gods sent Jayson Nix?

Where Yesterday Stands on the 10 Worst Days of My Yankee Life

1. Death of Thurman Munson

2. Playoff collapse against Redsocks in 2004

3. MARIANO'S INJURY

4. Loss to Arizona in Game 7 of 2001 World Series

5. Swept by Dodgers' with Koufax and Drysdale in 1963

6. Last game for Mickey Mantle

7. 1980 AL playoff sweep by Kansas City and George Brett

8. Horrible from the gitgo trade of Al Leiter for Jesse Barfield

9. World Series collapse of four in row to Dodgers in 1981

10. 1977 brawl between Billy Martin and Reggie Jackson on national TV

VLADIMIR: Time has stopped!

POZZO: Don’t you believe it, sir. Don’t you believe it. (Puts the watch back into pocket.) Whatever you like, but not that.

.

Samuel Beckett

"Deep in my dungeon
"I welcome you here.
"Deep in my dungeon,
"I welcome your fear.
"Deep in my dungeon,
"I dwell.
"I do not know if I wish you well."
.
Old prison rhyme
Norman Mailer
"The Executioner's Song"

"So let me tell you 'bout the way she walks,
"The way she acts and the color of her hair.
"Her eyes are soft and clear,
"Her voice is smooth and light,
"But she's not there."
.
The Zombies

What If Ju-Ju Rules No longer Work? Ever.

There is a possibility that the rules of Ju-Ju, like Lehman Brothers, no longer exist.  What if they simply ran out of gas?

Could they be like a celestial body suddenly deprived energy from a sun?

Perhaps, they
simply went limp when we won #27.

What if the built-in viruses, designed to forever prevent Ju-Ju Rules from being utilized by Yankee enemies against the Yankees, are faulty?

Could we have been hacked?

I think it is about time to begin assessing blame.

Brian Cashman must go.

Please note, I predicted he would no longer be the Yankees GM after this season ends.  It has ended.

If he hadn't traded Jesus, none of this would have happened.

Personally, I am heading to South Mexico.  I will be coach/player/manager and part-time bartender for my team in the dirt field league.  I intend to drink heavily every day and never inquire about the Yankees.

My cell phone is already in the Hudson river.

Where I am headed, there are no newspapers to read and radio reception is limited to coded signals amongst the guerillas up in the hills, beyond the bean fields where we play.

I have told the Steinbrenners to think of me as gone and dead.

 Just like the Yankees for the next decade, minimum.

It was a great ride.

Adios.

"... Consider, my child... the creative aspects of destruction! Consider the creative implications of the power locked in the atom. Allow your mind to rest on those first blades of tentative green grass that will poke into the light out of the lava in a million years time... It is possible after all that in order to keep ourselves sane we will have to learn to rely on those blades of grass springing in a million years."
.
Doris Lessing

Was this payback for our tri-fecta with Boston?

The collapse last fall. The Giants' Super Bowl victory. The ruination of Fenway's 100th birthday.

Did it all come at a juju cost?

Because we just suffered a threesome of injuries:

Joba, Pineda and now this.

This we know: Mother Nature is a maniac. Every day, the world turns over on somebody who the previous day sat on top of it. And everything ends, eventually. Everything.

"The way I figure it, there is a God, but he's nuts."
.
Robert Coover

"Don’t cry, Booboo. Remember the flag only halfway up the pole?
Booboo, there are two ways to lower a flag to half-mast. Are you
listening? Because no shit I really have to sleep here in a second. So
listen - one way to lower the flag to half mast is just to lower the
flag. There’s another way though. You can also just raise the pole.
You can raise the pole to like twice its original height. You get me?
You understand what I mean?”
.
David Foster Wallace

"Of course you're a fraud, of course what people see is never you. And of course you know this, and of course you try to manage what part they see if you know it's only a part. Who wouldn't? It's called free will, Sherlock. But at the same time it's why it feels so good to break down and cry in front of others, or to laugh, or speak in tongues, or chant in Bengali--it's not English anymore, it's not getting squeezed through any hole.

So cry all you want, I won't tell anybody.”

David Foster Wallace

“I like the fans’ sound at night. Do you? It’s like somebody big far away goes like: it’sOKit’sOKit’sOKit’sOK, over and over. From very far away.” .
David Foster Wallace

Let's Distract Ourselves For The rest Of This Year....

There is no longer a reason to watch, listen or read about Yankee games this year.

I propose, therefore, a season-long program of pure distraction.

The first distraction can be;  let's rid ourselves of all the cliches the Yankee organization, players and coaches will be spewing in the next several days.

The First Scene:  Yankee locker room after yesterday's dual disaster.

Out of the mouths of everyone, separately and individually:

1.  This is really bad, but we are all going to have to "step up."

2.  We always knew that, one day, we would no longer have MO to count on.

3.  It's baseball.  Shit happens.  The real test is how do we respond to adversity?

4.  We are going to learn a lot about ourselves and this team.

5.  We still have the same goals for the year.

6.  The Yankees have overcome adversity before and we shall do so again.

7.  He was the greatest closer ever.  What a shame his career had to end this way.

8.  MO would want us to carry on without him and win without him.

9.  He'll be back next year.

OK.  Get the idea?  Perhaps if everyone who enjoys this blog could begin predicting these endless, meaningless cliches, it would distract us from the agony of reality.

Trite, canned crap. We need more of that right now.

“I saw an old drunk fall in front of the laundrimat at Elizabeth and Fleming. He cracked his head open and made a terrible pool of blood. Someone seemed to know he wouldn’t die from it. But I looked down through spinning air filled with Frangipanti and rock and roll and saw how quickly you are alone, how quickly that can be shown to you in an instant. I think for a long time that it was my business to drive this into relief, that this is what I did for my time, poured blood from my head so that others could form a circle.”

.

Thomas McGuane

All Is Quiet In Mudville....And Shall Remain So Forever

There is no more joy in Mudville.

Mighty Rivera has been struck down.

All is empty.

We are abandoned.  Hope is gone.

There is no tomorrow.

Hiding in my room,
Safe within my womb,
I touch no one,
And no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
.
Paul Simon

"Of course, it is likely enough, my friends," he said slowly, "likely enough that we are going to our doom: the last march of the Ents. But if we stayed at home and did nothing, doom would find us anyway sooner or later. That thought has been long in our hearts; and that is why we are marching now. It is not a hasty resolve. Now at least the last march of the Ents may be worth a song...

"My friends, songs like trees bear fruit only in their own times and their own way. And they sometimes are withered untimely."
.
J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings

"The day will have to be not traversed but sort of climbed, vertically, and then that going to sleep again at the end of it will be like falling, again, off something tall and sheer.”
.
David Foster Wallace

"Promise to give me a kiss on my brow when I am dead - I shall feel it."

She dropped her head again on Marius’ knees, and her eyelids closed. He thought the poor soul had departed. Eponine remained motionless. All at once, at the very moment when Marius fancied her asleep forever, she slowly opened her eyes in which appeared the sombre profundity of death, and said to him in a tone whose sweetness seemed already to proceed from another world:—

“And by the way, Monsieur Marius, I believe that I was a little bit in love with you.”

— Victor Hugo, Les Miserables --

"The end of time will be marked by acts of unfathomnable compassion."
.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, hurt."
.
David Foster Wallace

“Whither is God. I shall tell you. We have killed him--you and I. All of us are his murderers. But how have we done this? How were we able to drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What did we do when we unchained this earth from its sun? Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving now? Away from all suns? Are we not plunging continually? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions? Is there any up or down left? Are we not straying as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is not night and more night coming on all the while? … God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him."

Friedrich Nietzsche

Darkness

It Got Late Early For The 2012 Yanks

The party is over.

"Our worst fear, Suzyn. Our worst fear."

PHOTO: BIG BANG

Zapruder II

John: "I thought he was indestructible."

Suzyn: "The longer we don't hear anything, the less I like what's going on."

Mark Feinsand: "I can't ever remember an injury that hangs over the Yankees like this."

John: "I remember Dave Winfield's injury, that was in my first year. But that's not Mariano."

The Front Page We Never Wanted to See

I Think I get It Now

It is the other teams who have the great young pitchers.

It is the other teams that have the hot young hitters.

It is the other teams who have the fleet outfielders who run down everything we hit.

It is the other team who scores more runs in the game.

It is the other team.

Now It Claims Mo: JUJU CURSE

Is misapplied Juju killing the 2012 Yankees? 
Has Alphonso lost his fastball?
Was Seely's book an error?
Mariano horror

Last Days of Freddy Garcia: The Poem

Doctor, make do!
It’s the avian flu!
Titanic, turn right!
Iceberg is sight!

Tokyo, take fear!
Godzilla is near!
Walls, get ready!
We're bringing in Freddy.

Rabbit, please run!
The hunt has begun!
Khaddafi, cry!
'Cause you're gonna die!

Grass, get lower!
‘Cause here comes the mower!
Ball, hate to be ya.’
We’re pitching Garcia.

What The Early Season Negative Ju-Ju Is

I see that a poll has begun on the subject of early negativity.

Those who feel it emboldens our enemies are right, but it doesn't matter.  Our enemies need no motivation to hate us.  So the less popular answer ( so far ) is the voice of those who have positive experience with negative Ju-Ju.

The scientific truth ( evangelicals can stop reading here and make something up ) is that , " early negative Ju-Ju, done properly, is the seed corn of later growth, success and succulent summer parties."

The operative phrase is, "done properly."

For some reason a lot of negative Ju-Ju this year has proven to be nothing more than the painful truth. Instead of public humiliation for outlandish predictions proven false each day, far too many predictions have proven prescient. That is not only boring, it is harmful to the Yankees' chances.

 We have been experiencing, " the Freddie Garcia," of negative Ju-Ju.  In other words, the sinker no longer sinks, the fast ball has no movement and tops out at 85 mph, the curve no longer breaks and the change-up is a meatball.

 Let me give you a few examples:

1.  Claiming at the time of the trade that Pineda in fact had arm trouble, would have surgery, and would never pitch for the Yankees was supposed to assure a great season for him.

2.  Claiming on the opening day of spring training that Tex would never bunt , was meant to assure us that he was working on bunting and would use his new-found skills to foil the infield shifts against him.

3.  Claiming that Hughes ( before his first appearance in spring training ) was, at best, a mop-up guy for 6th inning work, was meant to help him win 18 games again.

4.  Claiming that A- Rod's remaining 6 years would be a total waste of money was meant to re-invigorate his offensive output and power.

5.  Claiming that Nunez was sure to make an error every game in which he played was meant to bring some glue back to that glove, and straighten out his throws.

We have had some isolated, in-game successes ( the Boston series, for example ) for negative Ju-Ju activities in 2012, but April has been pretty much a washout.

We'll see what happens with Dave Phelps tonight.  I say he goes 2+ innings and gets whacked.  He'll be sent back to Scranton on a bus in the morning.

Hello Mr. Phelps... your mission, should you choose to accept it...

This team will self-destruct in five days.

Has Anyone Noticed?

-

-  In the last several games, save for one victory, we are averaging about one run per game, give or take a small percentage.

-  Our offense, since we left it all in Boston, leads the league in runners left in scoring position.

-  We have no one who can hit in the clutch, regardless of the payroll.

-  Bat speeds are slowing, hitters are lunging, no one can bunt or run, Nunez can't catch or throw.  Tex can't bunt and his line drives are to the second baseman in short right field.  He has lost 20-30 yards of distance on his power, leading to outs not HR's.

-  A-Rod is winding down.  He is more like Andrew Jones now, than a $25 million slugger pursuing Babe Ruth.

-  It isn't our pitchers throwing shut-outs.

Has anyone noticed?

Jesus Replaced By Adonis

We traded Jesus for a nightmare.

In response, we are going with Adonis, recently signed from Cuba.

Is this a diplomatic disaster?

Is it a personnel disaster?

Does he come with a glove?

Can he play outfield?

Is he a switch hitter?

Does he speak Spanish or Greek?

In any case, we have gone secular.

Tim McCarver, global atmospheric scientist

“It has not been proven, but I think ultimately it will be proven that the air is thinner now, there has been climatic changes over the last 50 years in the world and that is one of the reasons that balls are carrying much better now than I remember.”

Meteorologist Tim McCarver,  during Saturday's Brewers-Cardinals game.

True science here. Where do I start?

For starters, let's appreciate the fact that McCarver, a bastion of Midwestern Red State traditions, must read newspapers and have seen the words "climate change" enough to use them in a conversation. Bravo. Whether you believe it's man-made or God's will, somebody out there has it in for the penguins, and at least Tim isn't drinking the tea party tea. 

But thinner air? OMG. He must be breathing it.

Top 10 Worst Things About the Yankee Season Thus Far

1. Pineda.
2. Noesi, as a throw-in.
3. The fact that nobody will ever hang for Pineda (and Noesi as the throw-in.)
4. Our small market owners refusing to spend money in the last year before the spending caps go into place.
5. Teixeira claiming over the winter that he would bunt to break the overshifts.
6. That we kept Hughes and Joba while letting Ian Kennedy get away.
7. Self-congratulatory dumping of AJ Burnett, thinking we had too much pitching, (regardless of his line from last night.)
8. Freddy
9. The fact that Bartolo Colon is pitching well
10. All the 22-year-olds that other teams have, while ours vanish in the void.

These Yankees are an outrage.
WE ARE THE 99 PERCENT.
THIS MUST NOT STAND.

As You Update Your List Of Cashman's Crimes...

...You might want to drop "letting A.J. get away." At least for tonight:

In this season of our discontent, a reminder of how things should be

Andy Pettitte is half-certain he heard Roger Clemens say he was juicing. Maybe yes, maybe no. OK... OTHER GREAT HISTORICAL MOMENTS OF 50-50 CERTAINTY

God: "Thou shalt not kill, for the most part."

Patrick Henry: "Give me liberty, or don't. Whatever."

Ronald Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall, if you have time."

Richard Nixon: "I am not a crook, technically speaking."

Gen. Douglas MacArthur: "I shall return. Hopefully."

Jesus: "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do. Or at least, that’s what I’ve been led to believe."

FDR: Yesterday, Dec. 7, 1941, a day that will live in infamy... do I have that date right?

Will Rogers: "I've liked half the men I ever met."

Rene Descartes: "I think, therefore, I am... I think."

It is becoming painfully obvious that Mark Teixeira will never adjust his swing

Last night, batting right-handed, Tex blasted a line drive base hit up the middle. The second baseman handled it on one hop and threw him out at first. Fortunately, nobody was on base, so it wasn't a double play. (This is becoming a common observation following Tex's at bats.)

Last winter, we heard talk - hopeful talk - that Teixeira planned to bunt and hit to opposite fields this year, considering how defensive overshifts last year turned him from an MVP slugger into a .220 out machine. Well, the first month is in the books, and that ship of hope has sailed. Tex's reaction to stacked infields has become, "OK, I'll hit it harder at you."

If not for the overshifts, he might be off to a decent start. Instead, every time he drives one into the teeth of the defense, he looks like a bigger fool than ever. He looks outsmarted.

Listen: It's not easy to adjust your swing. Also, bunting is a lost art. Maybe Teixeira is flat-out incapable of changing his ways, no matter how hard he tries. We cannot replace him. He is the defensive lynchpin of our infield. But if he's going to hit .220, maybe he should hit .220 from seventh in the order, below Swisher and even the DH. We can't have him in the middle of the order. Right now, he's killing us.

Get well, Brett

Last night in the seventh, the long-awaited implosion of Brian Matusz appears at hand. He walks Thurman Martin on four pitches, not one close. Up comes Nuni, who in the top of the inning did a Three Stooges routine on a catchable ball, allowing Baltimore to take a 6-1 lead.

First two pitches miss by two feet. The pitching coach comes out. It's obvious that Baltimore is stalling.

So what does Nuni do? Does he take pitches until Matusz throws a strike? Seeing as how we need baserunners more than home runs, does he bear down and try to grind-out a base on balls? No, of course not. He swings away. On the next pitch. And he pops it up. Baltimore comes out to fetch Matusz, and our chance at a big inning is done.

Actually, the inning ends with the bases loaded and Arod doing basically the same thing: On the first pitch after Granderson was hit by one - a sign of wildness - Arod swings. Pops it up.

When you own a team - as we have the Orioles in recent years - and you beat yourself against them at home, sometimes the light comes on in their heads, and you never again regain that mental advantage.

Tonight, we may lose a series at home against Baltimore. We look old, slow and stupid.

Hughes beats expectations

Five and two-thirds innings.

We predicted two to four.

You can't predict baseball.

Poll reveals IT IS HIGH readers not hopeful on Hughes

Two to four innings tonight?

Ouch.

I say, solid seven.

Highlights of Eduardo Nunez last night in LF

After handling a strange "knuckleball" line drive, Nuni came out in the fourth with new confidence.

Normally, we seen Nuni anchoring third.

Yankee fans always feel confident knowing Nuni is in the field.

John is absolutely bracing himself for the day David Robertson gives up a run

It will happen, The Master told Suzyn last night, a gathering darkness in his voice. He hoped it didn't happen soon, but it... will... happen.

You can predict baseball, afterall. And throughout David Robertson's enchanted three-K eighth, John chanted his new Robertson mantra at least three times. (Juju?) Someday, it will happen. In fact, John even predicted that someday, David will give up two, or maybe even three runs in an inning.

Chilling stuff, when the legendary Voice of the Yankees spends an entire inning with a Nostradamus rant about the looming plague: Two or three runs. At one point, he noted that Robertson's streak of scoreless innings, extending to last year, now stands as the equivalent of nearly three complete game shutouts. After a moment of contemplation, he clanged upon down his anvil of inevitability: Eventually, Suzyn, it will happen.

Yes, it will. Someday. The waters will cease to flow, and the loins of Mother Nature will turn barren. The Master has seen the future: David Robertson will not throw forever. It will happen.

But not if The Master's juju chant can forestall it.

May we always play Baltimore

If it wasn't for the O's, we'd be at .500, behind Boston, screaming for Girardi's head, and Cashman would have his resume posted on monster.com.

We should have lost that game last night. Chavez homering, Markaikis out at home, Kuroda pitching so well...

Always seems to happen with Baltimore.